WAT,
took a check by to my atty today. He wanted to visit and tell me about running into WW's atty this morning at the courthouse. They want to settle as quickly as possible and want a guarantee that we wont expose at workplace. WW's atty said she was scared to death of losing her job. My atty told him that we would like to settle as quickly as possible as well, but that we could not make any guarantees about workplace exposure as the process advances. Another interesting element to their convo was that my atty informed WW's atty that we are aware of the fact that he represented OM in 2000 divorce. My atty said it was the classic deer in the headlights look and he asked "how did you know that?" My atty told him "we just know." Then my atty asked him who was paying his retainer and the response was a very nervous laugh, telling my attorney that OM paid for atty. My atty also then told him that he wants a deposition from OM. WW's atty begged him not to and I mean literally begged him. My atty also told him that WW should not be as concerned about what we might do as far as workplace exposure as she should be about all the evidence floating around that we have acquired. He told him that we dont have a double barreled shotgun, but we have a double barreled cannon and we will use it if necessary. My atty and I then prepared a proposal for settlement that basically leaves her with nothing but a few things that would enable her to go into an apartment, although I doubt that would be where she would go. I dont think she will be able to afford one.
My atty also said that after the D is final, he will send a letter to OM's attorney notifying him of our intent to file a suit based on intentional infliction of emotional distress, interference with a marital relationship, and conspiring to prevent a just and fair division of community property. We will give him the opportunity to settle the suit out of court and then see what happens.

WoW

This is gonna be interesting, for sure!

Thanks for the update.

Pep

Crushed,

Go get er. Keep us informed. As Pep said, this will be very interesting.

Double wow.

OK, do you want to save your marriage?

Like I said, you're in the cat bird seat.

If you don't want to save your marriage, suck them both dry.

If you DO want to save your marriage, consider having your attorney send a letter to OM via your wife's attorney explaining what's in store if he doesn't back off - exposure AND a suit. What do you think? Of course, this has no guarantees for your marriage. An alternative is to speak with your wife, express your desire to reconcile, and let them both off the exposure and suit hook is she gives your marriage a shot. It would HAVE to include either her or OM leaving the job.

Tough choices.

I know what I'd do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

WAT,
I really dont know where I am at with reconciliation. My attorney has advised me, that if there is that opportunity then I need to allow her back in, of course under the conditions that I laid out under the plan B letter I gave her. I have not indicated anything to her has changed as far as that goes. I hired an attorney after being informed by a friend of mine that she had filed. Have to protect myself and proceed as if she will go through with this with no attempt at working it out. She has not given one single sign that she wants to work it out through this 2 month ordeal. I cant assume that she will. It is full steam ahead until then.
So WAT, what would you do?

I certainly hope you're not gonna make a decision on what WAT would do - being a heathen and all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CrushedNTexas:
<strong>It is full steam ahead until then.
So WAT, what would you do? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Full steam ahead.

Are you sure she filed?

If so, sounds like your attorney knows the ropes. I would direct him to suck them dry. Put on his poker face and see what they bring to the table. You have the nuke - workplace exposure. You can launch it at any moment.

Right now, you are the most powerful man on the planet. Look out for your future.

Please consider the voices of others.

WAT

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 05:08 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Holy moley, no victim mentality here.

I feel empowered just reading this.

I say go for the kill. Can't think of a shorter road to repentence than getting knocked on your [censored].

If reconcilliation is in your future you will hold all the cards. And from what I can gather this is the best way to enter in recovery...with a repentent WS who has hit bottom.

And if it does come to reconcilliation than I would think forgiveness would come easier to you.

Sometimes I think this is the balance which must be restored after the kind of betrayal an affair is.

I may be a bit jaded, but I still think this will work in your favor in more ways than just the divorce settlement.

After sleeping on this, I wanted to offer a few thoughts.

Revenge is a momentary pleasure.

When I suggested you suck them dry, it may have come across as vengeful - understandably so. I know I and maybe others here momentarily salivate at the thought of seeing some justice, not necessarily having seen it in our own cases. So forgive us if we easily become willing cheerleaders and sharks for blood in the water while you, like the WSs, have to carry the burden of your choices.

Please make your decisions in this matter looking forward and guessing what you can live with. Can you live with yourself if you destroy these people? Can you live with yourself if you DON'T destroy these people?

You know that any misery they experience as a result of you rewarding them with their just consequences will only be blamed on you. You will become the cause. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If you never have to see them again, oh well.

In my case, I didn't have the opportunity you have. I simply allowed my WS to take all the actions. It was gonna be ALL her doing. She knew where I stood. I didn't add one iota to the final decision, other than making sure her affair was duly noted in the public record. As a result, she cannot blame me for any of her misery she is now or will be experiencing in the future. And I have a clear conscience.

I suggest you consider what you justifiably ought to end up with from a failed marriage. We're talking financial assets here, right? (It all comes down to money in the legal arena.) Will you have a clear conscience in a few years if you obtain more than you need? Would you have a clear conscience if you allowed revenge to color your choices?

You asked what WAT would do. I would do whatever it takes to not allow the WS to profit or take away one penny from the marital property. She abandoned the marriage. It ought to be reasonable that she leave with nothing, if you can negotiate this. I could easily have a clear conscience with that. Going further to get OM's money through a suit I could do without. He's gonna have his misery and I wouldn't want to be his excuse for it. (Unless, of course, he has SOOOOO much money that I could get a nice boat out of the process. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

You can use the presence of the nuke of the suit against OM to leverage the deal, if this can be done without being construed as blackmail. I suggest a goal of not allowing her to walk away with any marital property, then drop anything else.

Just look down the road a few years and see if can have a clear conscience. This is worth a LOT.

WAT

WAT,
as far as the marital property goes, this is where I am at with my initial proposal. She gets everything she brought into the marriage. I feel that is only fair. She gets nothing else. There are some assets in the form of cattle at her parent's ranch, which I have done all of the work in that operation (worming, selling, feeding, planting of grazing etc.). I am allowing her to keep her cattle. Also, throughout the cattle operation, I always allowed her to spend the entirety of the proceeds as she determined and all money from them were deposited in her account. It really did upset me when I found evidence that she used some of that money for gifts to OM.
As for him, I dont know him, dont want to know him, and want compensation for the damages he has inflicted upon me. If it turns out that WW winds up being the most expensive piece of #$s he has ever had, so be it. I am not out to ruin her, as I love her. But the way I feel about it, whatever happens to him are a result of his actions. I have unleashed the tiger (my attorney) and will allow him to do what he thinks is best. That is why I hired him. By the way, an additional note that I left out from my meeting with the Tiger.....one of Tiger's best friends is the CFO of WW and OM's previous employer. Tiger has contacted his friend and he has gone to work on uncovering whatever evidence is at former workplace. So, the exposure has now been expanded to former workplace. If WW and OM have any ideas about returning to escape any possible repercussions at current workplace, that avenue has now been closed.

You logic makes sense to me.

I just wanted to make sure you weren't making decisions based solely on what we said here - potentially based on our rubber-necking, smelling blood in the water. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

"Fins to the left,
Fins to the right,
And you're the only bait in town."

JB

WAT,
I like the fins to the right thing! I just wish I was a pirate still looking at 40 as I am somewhere north of there already! Seriously though, I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking the Lord to guide my thoughts and actions throughout this. I believe he has done that and I give all glory to Him. I know that there may still be twists and turns in this that I cannot see right now, but I have asked Him to give me strength to deal with those twists and turns whatever they may be. So, as much as I would like to take the credit so far, it really is all His.