I rarely post here but I'm always reading. it's been a little more then a yr since my H is living with OW
we finally went to court to put in place C/S last wk. H has not had contact with our son for a little more then a yr, that includes not seeing him. well finally last wk we discussed his visitation and H has fully agreed to see our son in MY HOME. H is not to take our son anywhere as he has no car and he is on probation for drugs/alcohol (long story) he lost EVERYTHING in every sense of the word, ever since he started living with OW has not progressed at all.
have been getting along really good H has noticed I have lost ALOT of weight.I completely changed physically and mentally, we have not seen eachother for about 10 months face to face. I still love this man he tells me OW does nothing for herself she doesn't work or anything she's lazy ect ect all negative comments.H assured me she is not preg ( rumors were that she was) I don't know if I can truly believe him I just hope he is telling the truth.ok the situation is if she is truly not preg then I would like to try and work things out with him by slowly killing him with kindness meeting his EM needs and still giving him his space since he still lives with OW, BUT since he comes to my home to see our son what can I do (he can't take his eyes off me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> yet I act like nothing in front of him. how can i slowly approach him. whenever he comes over (almost everyday) I pretty much go about my business act like nothing and leave him in my sons room giving them the time and space they need unless H or son calls me to ask a question or something. what can i do or say after such a long time i haven't the slightest clue..

thank you in advance any info/exp will be gladly appreciated....

How familar are you with plan A?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by destiny2974:
<strong> H is not to take our son anywhere as he has no car and he is on probation for drugs/alcohol (long story) .... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What has your H done about this? Is he in a substance abuse program? And if so for how long?

This needs to be addressed FIRST. MB does not work on spouses with addiction issues. He may want to come back...but if this is not fixed FIRST...you will be in for more of the same later on.

If your H wants to get back together with you this must be a condition. He has to get himself into a recovery program...work on it for a stretch...and then you will consider taking him back.

If you would like more information on this look up "addictions" here on this site. Check out what the Harely`s have to say about it. You can also hop over to the "Emotional Needs" board and read the "Welcome Thread" It has links to some good outside sources.

My H had a substance abuse problem too. We tried to fix the M by using MB alone. It did NOT work. Eventually my H did address his substance abuse problem. He`s been clean for almost 4 years now. One he got off the drugs FOR GOOD...MB started to work for us.

You have to do the right steps in the right order here...your H must seek help for his substance abuse problems. Then you work on the M after.

And good for you for not letting your H take his son out of the home if he has a substance abuse problem. You are doing the right thing. But you do not want him back in the home while he is still abusing. You do not want that around your son. You should not want to be around that either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you very much for the replies,As far as H being on a program for drug/alcolhol yes he is on a program (mandatory through probation for 2 yrs something like that).I have told him that he has to address those issuses first for his good and for our son in the long run.H is a good dad he just has to clean up his act to start moving forward at a more steady pace.