How many other here have heard these words when you ask you WS a question?

I Can't Remember.
Or
I Don't Remember.

If you have heard those what reaction did you have and do you believe your spouse?

My Wife uses I don't remember or can't remember.
Have heard that many times and usually when I specifically ask something about their secret alone times together. She is more than willing to supply specifics about the mechanics or logistics of maintaining the affair but not any intimate details. This hurts me when she does this and I just wish she would come clean with the answers so we can move forward. Otherwise this will haunt me for a long time.

How do others feel when they hear those or similar words.

SM

5 yrs ago, I had an affair.

In the aftermath, my W had a lot of questions, and there were a lot of things that I couldn't remember.

The experience was strange. I think that what happens is in the face of these questions, the mind experiences an overload of emotions and the mind, trying to protect the self, wipes these memories from the WS brain.

In other words, I honestly think that it's very possible that she really doesn't remember.

I know that it's frustrating. I wish I could give you a solution.

All I can give you is advice.

And my advice would be to be patient. Make sure you are creating an environment where you wayward feels safe aswering your questions. Make sure that she understands that you need this info so you can process and heal not so you can have ammo to make her feel any worse than she already does.

When she can't answer a question, say, "It's ok, hon. I know these are tough questions. Think about it for a while and get back to me when the memory comes back."

That way, you take the pressure off but at the same time let her know that the book is not closed.

Take care,

dewt

My husband just says it was the stupidest thing he has ever done and that he just doesn't know what he was thinking. I believe that he feels so terrible about it that he has put the whole thing in a box and put it away behind us. He just feels badly about how he treated everyone involved, mostly me. You will get there-it really just doesn't matter anymore-it is just part of our past.

Are you interested in hearing from WS's about why this may be, or just from other BS's about how they feel about?

Low

Low Orbit
No I would like to hear all sides if people are willing to give them.

SM

One of the things my H said to me when I would ask him about things he couldn't remember was that he didn't remember because it wasn't important to him.

What we the BS think should have been an important time to remember may not have been something that was important enough for the WS to remember.

What I think is something that is important enough to remember isn't necessarily something might H might consider important enough to remember.

Does that make any sense at all?

^^^Bump^^^