It is killing me that I LB'ed my WH right out of our lives. It hurts me so badly that I hurt him, the one human being I cherish more than amy other. I can look back now and see all the LB's I perpetrated, and how much he was hurting. He truly did NOT sit me down and tell me he was unhappy, but he did tell me a few times about things that he didn't like in our day to day life. I just never thought it meant so much that he finally just gave up.

I love him so much that I can't imagine not being able to make it all up to him. I realize that my LB'ing is NOT justification for his A, but i feel so miserable when I see my part in this mess. It could have all been prevented by just a few small actions on MY part. Now, I am losing my best friend and lover of 16 years, and being replaced in his heart.

I have told him I am sorry, asked for forgiveness, etc. but got no reaction. I guess he is in the fog. I don't even know what he is planning to do about our situation. At the moment he is living 700 miles away with OW.

Hi hon,
I guess I have a few thoughts for you.

You mean you made some mistakes? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Get out of here!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> OK OK... I know. Really I do. GOOD FOR YOU for looking at yourself and seeing some room for improvement! Keep working on those things. Dust yourself off, and look to the future for improvements and hope. I pulled up some of your other posts, and see your strong faith... confess them to God, and ask Him to help you work through them, and help you let the guilt go.

Next.... yes, you made mistakes. We all did. But your H is responsible for his actions. He chose to have an affair. If he was unhappy, he should have said so, or asked for a divorce, or prayed for guidance. You are NOT responsible for his affair, nor his life.

If you've told him that you're sorry, and asked for his forgiveness, don't keep doing it, OK? He heard you, but is chosing whether to listen or not right now.

Are you in Plan A right now? Have you read His Needs, Her Needs, and Surviving an Affair?

Hang in there, and keep reading and posting!
Faith1

Please don't blame yourself. None of us are perfect and as far as I am concerned, there is very few excuses for having an affair. If he was unhappy then he should have sat you down and had a serious talk with you and decided to start messing around.

I beat myself up and found it doesn't do any good. We are all human.

Thank you very much, both of you. I have been in Plan A since Dec. he came home on Christmas, it was weird; he came home the last week of Feb, and things were really good. REALLY good.

I have demonstrated some changes, but need to do more; told him I will not make it harder to come home than it already will b efor him, feel for his pain, etc. He seemed to enjoy being with me (SF at least once every day, sometimes more) and we still havent told our 9 yr old daughter. She just thinks he is working out of town an extended amount of time.

This time when he was here, he slept in our bed, held me when we went to sleep. When he was here in DEC, he slept on the couch, and hardly touched me. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING??? I love this man SOOOOO much, I will wait 10 years for him.

Who do you miss your H or the WS?

U R not responsible for the A. Your part may have contributed to the demise of the M but not the making of a WS.

L.

BHINWI,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">there is very few excuses for having an affair </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Wrong.There is NO reason whatesoever to make the choice to cheat.EVER.

O

OctoberGirl,

Yes, you are correct. Thank you.