Well I don't know if it's real love or not, but I do know it is doomed love.

And yes, she does need your Plan B as much as you do. She's caught in a nasty little triangle and so are you.

But until you have had enough it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I know you are in pain Vnus, but you do have the power to end that pain. You can love her from afar and it will not diminish the love you have for her. It takes quite a bit more than NC to get to that point, if ever.

Plan B is all about love. It's the MOST loving thing you can do to end everyones pain by extraditing yourself from the equation.

It's the big picture you need to take a look at now.

"Well I don't know if it's real love or not, but I do know it is doomed love."

*I* know that it is *NOT* 'real love.' I KNOW it:

"Real Love is, "I care how you feel." Conditional love is, "I like how you make me feel."" - Greg Baer, "The Truth About Relationships"

Her "love" for/from OM is DOOMED because it isn't real. It can never be real because it will forever be dishonest. Real love is never insincere.

-ol' 2long

VM:

I'd be interested 2 hear what you think of what JL posted on the last page.

-ol' 2long

2Long - JL is right...I was in a particularly sad sack mood when I posted that.

No, I do NOT intend to push this to "hatred" before I go NC.
And yes, she has made it abundantly clear that she wants to be with OM.
So, since I can't be near her while she is, it means I go dark on her.

And I think she sees it coming - our conversations today have been on the subject of "what should we do?" and I think she's in agreement that NC is a good idea -

In fact, I don't wonder whether a part of her wants me to go dark because she realizes this is a rollercoaster we both need to get off of, and someone has to make the first move, and she's not strong enough...since she has no incentive to do so as long as I am still giving and caring to her without bringing up OM.

She said in our final conversation tonight..."OM and I may not stay together for much longer" and then gave all these reasons.
Why is she telling me this?

Regardless - the fence-sitter that she has become needs a push.
I'm just too afraid to do it because I've been with her for 8 years...and I love being with her, and loving her...but I can't tolerate the presence of OM anymore.

2long, I was referring to the love Vnus has for his WW, not WW's love for OM. I know that is not real, that's just a fantasy come to life designed to keep one from facing what is going on in that persons life.

Vnus,

If you knew that Plan B was the only thing which might save your marriage wouldn't your fear be replaced with confidence that you are doing the right thing? In fact the only thing you could do?

Orchid has a saying that when the head and heart are in sync you will have peace. You have no peace right now because you are letting your own feelings of addiction guide you right now.

Sync up your head and heart, then you will know that you are doing the only thing you can do, BORN OUT OF LOVE for yourself, your WW and your marriage.

It's all about perception Vnus. A miracle is simply a change in perception. For you the miracle would be that your fear has been replaced by confidence that you are doing the right thing.

Make sense?