After a conversation with a friend today, does a wedding ring mean the same to BS? To WS? Has anyone requested or offered a new one for a new beginning? What are your thoughts on this?

I have given mine back to my WW a while ago. Since the ring I got was supposed to be a "starter" ring - only white gold, not platinum like my WW's ring(s), I will expect a new platinum one if we chose to reconcile and therefore renew our vows....

TM

The second year of M my W had a A. By the seventh year we had recovered(I got over it, she ignored it). The tenth year we renewed vows with new wedding rings. The the seventeenth year she had a new A. I will demand a new marriage and rings if we can reconcile.

RHM

That ring thing - let me tell you. I read a post from Ktulu about rings on one of the very worst days.It reminded me that I had taken off my ring on D-day.

I had to go do some TV for a business thing in London and my FWW found out I sent proof of PA to OM GF on the same day. She was absolutely ACID, hateful, vicious, telling me by phone she was packing and moving out and leaving the country with the kids and OM and all kinds of stuff. I had to keep calm and put my business head on for bloomberg ...

I got home she was EVIL. I checked my mail & this board and read Ktulu's post about the significance of her wedding band. I went straight to our bedroom and put on my wedding ring.

FWW noticed it the very next day in th emiddle of her worst and most terrible spite towards me and the kids.
" What the h3ll u wearing that for ? Our Marriage is down the pan !"

I replied calmly : "I don't need your permission to wear it. I promised God and you I'd wear it for better or worse. Well, this is 'worse' but my promise to God and you still stands. I want to be married to you. I want to do all I can to stay happily married to you, despite my hurt. Until the LAST MINUTE that there is hope that we can rescue our M I will wear the ring you gave me before God."

She ran upstairs and cried loudly for a long time. I took the kids bowling...

That was the peak of the hatred and fog. She mentioned since that it was very touching for her to see me wearing her ring when she felt so undeserving of it. And it also accused her.

I won't take it off again till I'm dead or divorced.

Now in recovery, Squid had tried to put on her wedding band. (a sports injury meant it hadn't fitted her for a year or more).

The story of what I did is HERE .

Do as you see fit with your wedding bands. You can see that ours were very significant indeed.

Thanks Bob, I can always count on you. I feel the same, that made a promise, And plan on keeping it, But, I guess I would like a new ring for a new marriage, The promise she made for the ring she gave me is broken and this ring doesn't feel right,(is this odd)I find myself playing with it alot. I just wasn't sure if I was just being petty or not. Kind of odd what I think about nowdays.

hurtn, absolutely NOT being petty. Do whatever makes you feel better. The old ring is a symbol of something that hurts. A new ring for a new beginning is a wonderful idea.
M

my H never wore his ring for safety at work reasons. On dday I removed mine, it only represented a broken promise and I needed no reminder! We have worked through and renewed our love which had been hiding for years. About 6 mo after dday we ordred matching Eternal Loveknot rings (had to wait 3 mo for his to be made. When his arrived we gave them to each other and retook our vows just to each other;H suggested that we have them blessed when he was ready to return to church(had issues with accepting God's forgiveness). Several mo later the diocese had a Mass for anyone celebrating 25 or more years. We attended, renewed our vows (actually as far as that goes, publically made new vows)blessed our rings, with the intent to never intentially cause pain, never take each other for granted and always appreciate the rare love we share.
The old rings sit in a box together, not sure what to do with them....any ideas?

my H never wore his ring for safety at work reasons. On dday I removed mine, it only represented a broken promise and I needed no reminder! We have worked through and renewed our love which had been hiding for years. About 6 mo after dday we ordred matching Eternal Loveknot rings (had to wait 3 mo for his to be made. When his arrived we gave them to each other and retook our vows just to each other;H suggested that we have them blessed when he was ready to return to church(had issues with accepting God's forgiveness). Several mo later the diocese had a Mass for anyone celebrating 25 or more years. We attended, renewed our vows (actually as far as that goes, publically made new vows)blessed our rings, with the intent to never intentially cause pain, never take each other for granted and always appreciate the rare love we share.
The old rings sit in a box together, not sure what to do with them....any ideas?

HNH, nothing is petty if you consider it in prayer.

Wedding bands have been very important to our recovery. To others its been different.

I do not want a new wedding band. The one I have is the one I clung to through all the spite, hatred, betrayal and pain. And the 18 year old gold still shines in the sunshine and makes me smile.

My old wedding band demonstrates that my vows have been upheld. Have no need of refreshing. I wear it like a medal , with pride. It is a symbol of my fight against evil.

I was going to get a 'broken heart' tattoo a while back to commemorate this mess. I decided not to.

Noodle asked folks to write 'haiku' at the time, and I wrote a clumsy Haiku poem about the tattoo and my wedding ring. Don't laugh much OK ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It spoke from my heart at the time, and still does.


Broken heart tattoo
Inky reminder of pain
prevents love's healing

Our real hearts can heal
but indelible ink heart
is ever broken

My wedding band carves
a groove around my finger
also round my heart

This sacred gold band
marks in my flesh the marriage
so hard fought for and won

No tattoo needed
to remind us that our love
was refined by fire

I look to my ring
our pain is reflected there
along with our joy

Broken heart tattoo
Looks back to only bad times
anchored in the dark

Golden wedding ring
carries joy and pain forward
drives on to the light

I need no ink stain
to remember a heartbreak
when my ring says all


All blessings

Bob, I know our stories are so different, but you just keep surprising me with almost all you do. I loved that poem,(what do you do? writer?) you are good with words.

I am not sure what purpose my ring is right now, The one she gave me, well, to me, no longer applies, she broke the meaning behind the ring, IMO. just not sure if I should request a new one or just live with what this stands for now, so I don't forget the hurt and pain of the A. It is so sad that I even have to think of that word attached to a wedding ring.

I did not realize that there was already a thread about rings, it was before my time on here. I will go back and read that thread and see what info I can get off it.

Just wanted to know what other people did?

HNH

I took my ring OFF remember. I felt she didn't deserve me to wear it.

But I thought aboutit. That little gold band has been present from our wedding day forward.

It has held my finger through every kiss, every fight, conceiving our babies: both mine were born into my bare, scrubbed hands :the ring was the first non-human thing my babies touched on this earth, and it represents the love of their parents that brought theme into being.

It carries scratches, some I remember, some I do not.

So it has been a witness to all of my life and my love.

Now Squids promise to me before God on our wedding day didn't say " until inconvenince, or hardship do us part".

It said " for better OR worse, 'till death do us part". The band signifes a commitment to work through the good times, but the bad. The promise and ring was also offered with a prayer that " what God has put together , let no man put asunder".

All that (and another boring 100 words I could write ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )are why I am very very proud to be still wearing my wedding ring. The original one Squid gave me.

Oddly, although Squid has her new, VERY pritty 'vegas' ring, she still tries on her old ring from time to time.

Whatever you do, don't throw your original band away, right? You never know how you will feel about it later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm not a writer BTW, Never wrote anything other than birthday cards and business documents until this mess his me.

All blessings HTH. You have an attitde that will serve you well through this mess.

To me my ring means everything. My WH didn't want one when we got married but later got one. He said it was to remind himself to be a better husband.

He wore it for awhile but eventually took it off. Said it hurt his finger and was a hazard at work.
My WH always thought jewelry was a waste of money, so I am really not sure why he ever got himself his ring. Probably just to make me happy because it always bothered me so much that he didn't have a wedding ring.

I haven't worn mine since D-day. I miss it so much. It wasn't an expensive ring or anything.
The symbol it represented just meant so much to me.
I wouldn't want a new ring, but it sure would be nice to renew our vows someday. I just don't feel married in my heart. We are trying to rebuild but I just have so many doubts sometimes.

I really doubt my WH would want to renew the vows either because he always said marriage was just a piece of paper.

Can you tell I'm feeling down tonight? Poor me. Oh well. I put my ring away in the box and buried it at the bottom of a drawer so I wouldn't have to look at it every time I opened my jewelry box.

My WH took off his ring yesterday. I didn't realize how deeply that would effect me. When I got pregnant 12 years ago my rings stopped fitting. When I started to lose weight these past months I was able to get it back on again. When I started wearing it again, he got angry. "You haven't worn it all these years why start now?" I didn't realize how much it must have bothered him.

HNH,

I kept my ring on after d-day #1 as a symbol I was fighting for our M - when she had given up....then 2 years later after I thought A was over I accidentally lost it. A couple days later I found a ring I used to wear in college - silver with a cross cut out inside.

This ring reminds me of bob's story. In the middle of our mess, I look down it reminds me of my vow to God to be married to my S.

A year of two ago we discussed renewing our vows for our 10 year anniversary. Now that is less than 6 months away. I wonder if we will make it.....

Wedding rings......

Given with love and vows before God and witnesses....

Right now, I am wearing two wedding bands....the one WH gave me when we married 32 years ago, and his matching band he handed me yesterday when I asked him to leave.

I wear it on my right index finger.

He told me to give it to DS for his upcoming wedding.

My ring reminds me that I have always kept my vows......and I will until the day WH chooses to divorces me....

His ring reminds me that I am alone in this M. I chose to be alone instead of allowing WH to continue to lie and cheat and hurt me more.

He's going to have to show me a lot to ever get his wedding ring back.

Looks like it means more to me than it does to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

K

I was actually on my second ring on D-day (got the gold "upgraded" to a simple platinum band - which I loooooved - for 4th anniv.)

The rapid weight loss following d-day and the discomfort I felt when I looked at it a few weeks later gave me reason to move it to my third finger - a better fit, still on but cognizant of the fact that all was not well.

After a few months of the back and forth, I would actually have a physical, nauseous reaction when I saw it on my hand. So off it came.

WH usually wore it pre-A, but would take it off when bathing the kids or working on the car etc. Not nearly as attached to its symbolism, I guess (I never took mine off). He says he took his off when I told him I took mine off. Saw it on his finger again this summer (when we were in a false recovery and I found it while going through some stuff and just put it on his dresser).

Now his is off again. Funny - was just thinking this as we went on a "a date" tonight - we are out as a couple yet lacking that oh-so-visible symbol of marriage.

If we make it that far, WH promised me long ago that I'd get a diamond anniversary band for our 10th (which is this summer).

Guess we'll have to see about that.

Gris

I know everyone has their own reasons for keeping or not keeping their rings, I still have mine on and don't plan on taking it off. It just doesn't feel the same right now, It is pretty beat up with years of working with my hands, it used to be brushed gold, but I am no longer able to keep it brushed as to much gold was comming off, it is bent, scratched, and getting fairly thin. But my understanding of the rings is, The ring I gave her still has all the meaning, love, memories and everything behind the ring, I did not break my vows, as the ring she gave me to wear, well, the meaning behind it, mostly do not exist the way it was meant when given to me. Maybe I am just looking for something petty to gripe about as a way of showing my discontent w/ her actions, I don't know, that is why I put this question out there.
Thanks for all replies, I read almost daily, not able to reply most days, unless I stay up late. I look forward to what tomorrow brings.

HNH and all

This thread certainly shows that those little metal bands certainly do seem to have an almost supernatural power. Truly symbols of the promises/prayers made to each other.

I took my wedding ring off after d day and gave it back to WH telling him that I couldn;t wear it anymore. Imentioned it in PBL. WH hadn't worn his since early in the marriage for "safety reasons".
Funny thing is that when I asked him to leave (plan B) he took the rings.... Left most of his stuff at home, it's still here, but the rings are not.
Monday os our 19th wedding anniversary.

The ring simbolized the commitment to marriage for me. Papers are a legal contract, completely different.