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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
I confronted WH about A which he totally denied, but offered to move out. We later talked about finances and when he would be leaving. He thought summer would be a good time. I told him that there was no way I could live with him knowing what I know and him still having contact with OW.
He said that was impossible. I told him he needed to leave soon. He talked with his father and will stay with him when he leaves. (He didn't admit A to his father but said I hired a PI and found something.) He will not give me a firm date when he is leaving, he has been more attentive and even called me yesterday on the way home from work to chat. I think he called the OW yesterday and I know he sent her an e-mail regarding a volunteer organizaton they both belong to. I think he is trying to manipulate me by being nice. I don't trust him. I'm looking for support to stay strong. I'm still doing plan A and intend to go to plan B when he leaves. I don't think the fog is going to lift unless he has a reality check.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
I thought that you went to the OW house and found them together...
what is the status now...
is he still denying an OP..
where are on exposure of the affair......
expose to the volunteer organization...??
why plan B when he leaves...
why not plan b on your terms...after a stellar plan a...
what is YOUR plan
ARK
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
Yes,I did confront them both at the OW's house. He has stopped denying but won't admit it. He just stares at me and says nothing. When it comes up. Exposure wise...I guess I was hoping they would stop contact. My family is aware, my sister-in-law knows all, WH brothers know some, my friends are aware, his friends aren't saying much. Rumors are running wild around our town. We are both pretty prominant in our community, he is on the governing body and I am on the school board and organize the town events, parades, concerts etc. I know this is going to be all very public, I'm not looking forward to the pointing and the whispers. The Plan A/B thing
I'm having trouble with. I've read everything I can find on the site and I just ordered SA. He is sleeping on the couch, but he has not been going out and has been very helpful around the house. I think he is biding time thinking I'll forget about it and continue as we have been. Him having his cake and eating it too.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
what are your plan A troubles.....
if he denies an affair why did he agree to move out..
what does he say about the relationship?
why does he say he is willing to move out..
how does he view moving out
seperation
divorce
is he willing to go to counseling
ark
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
ARC,
Thanks for the input and I'm sorry this rambles.
He says our marriage has been over for the last 4 years because I worked everyother weekend,I gained too much weight after the kids were born (I've lost 50 pounds in the last 6 months), before the house wasn't clean enough, now the house is so clean it doesn't look lived in, i'm too demanding because I don't like him hanging out at bars, I never planned a good vacation that he wanted to go on. (Disney and renting a house at the beach was not good enough.) It sounds like excuses to me.
He has said he loves me because I'm the mother of his children and the only reason he remains in the house is for the children. Even though until very recently we were intimate 3-4 times a week.
The OW has nothing to do with our problems, she's just a friend he feels comfortable with and he can talk to. She is a friend in our circle of friends and if I didn't have a taped conversation of the 2 of them talking about me and her husband and laughing at us, and hearing them kissing in a parked car, I might still be buying that.
I think they had an EA long before it turned into a PA. I think the PA has been going on since last spring.
I think he is thinking separation as divorce. He told his father I wanted a divorce. I told him that I loved him that I did not want our marriage to end but i couldn't continue to live this way. I did not want him to have contact with OW, he said " Fine. I'll move out then."
I'm having difficulty with Plan A because I've done everything I can think of to improve my home trying to make it welcoming not just for him but for myself and the kids. I don't cry and whine to him. When he continues to lie to me I get so angry I can't stand to look at him. How do you do Plan B with him still in the house?
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