hello everyone

Well for all the wonderful talk of its OVER its not. I left the tape in his car yesterday and guess what he picked up OW and took her to an events evening for all doctors. He told me she was going but that she was not going with him. The tape also indicates from phone conversations after he dropped her that he went into her apartment and really liked being with her!! Yes you guessed it that is exactly the tone of the conversation.

He is so good at this lying. He has really changed in the last 4 weeks from all his actions and then wham back he goes. Even this morning he told me that he loves only me.

I want to confront the both of them. I want to go to the office at closing today and ************. He said that she is leaving no leaving date yet, he said that she has asked for a large severence payment. I want to go to the office and say WH tells me that you requested this payment well here it is get out and dont come back.

I really want to do this am I crazy.

You will need to confront HIM! through EXPOSURE!!!

Wait until you calm down. Then set up a way to catch him. That is EXPOSURE!!!

You do not want to disclose your snooping methods.

I will be back with you a little later....

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 08:14 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

why confront her...
she is not the issue..

the issue is your husband..
the issue is what is YOUR boundary
the issue is what is YOUR tolerance level...

and the issue is what is YOUR plan over
false recovery
lying
and continued intimate contact...

when have you had enough of being part of a triangle...?

this is ALL about YOU
this is somewhat about him saying no contact and acting NO contact...

this is very little about her...

ARK

I agree with ARK.

The end of your PLAN A should be EXPOSURE in a calm, planned deliberate fashion. " I know that you have been lying to me, etc." Don't let on to how you know or better yet catch them.

Then PLAN B.

You have a good chance at RECOVERY, DYING. He's been trying to keep this up as long as you two would let him. He's wanting to continue to have his fun with her. It's up to you to not be part of this anymore. Let the OW remain the fool because his plan is to eventually come back to you. However, as long as you let him stay outside and play, he will do it.

You have enabled the A. I was sitting here waiting until you saw this. I'm glad you came back to let us help you.

I am busy this morning. I know about your time difference. Figure out a way to stay online. Don't go away.

No, YOU are not crazy!! HE is, at least, temporarily insane.....

Post deleted by dyinghere

awesome plan b letter..

I think you confront soley with that...
and nothing else...

he told you he loves you this morning...

hit him with plan B today...

ARK

OK!

Confront only with the PLAN B LETTER. The letter is great!!

Go ahead and do it this time, DYING.

Do not let him fool you and charm you out of this in any way!!

Come back and talk to us here......

DYING....

Listen UP! Do what Mimi and ark are telling you. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!!!

You and I are in similar situations. I have a recording of my WH talking to OW on his work cell phone while he was at home - sick! I also saw OW's home phone # on WH's work cell where he had called her the next day.

Plan B for me on Friday (WH is away for work right now). I have my letter written, and on Friday morning, I am going to sit down with him and tell him "I have proof that you are still in contact with OW. We talked about this when you came home the last time. I told you then that I will not tolerate it. You are going to have to leave."

This is our third false recovery.

Don't let this be you! (Despair.com has a poster - they kind of like reverse inspirational - "Perhaps the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others" and it shows a ship that has partially sunk). This is what my situation to you - a warning!

PLAN B!!!!!!! You have my total support.

K

Great Letter. I agree with our more experienced forum members. Right now, your WH gets to have his cake and eat it too. It's time for you to make him choke on it!

Even though my FWH's A had ended before dday, that was only because I was in denial. I know that if I had discovered it earlier and confronted him, the A would have gone on for a much shorter period. He never wanted to, or intended to leave me and start a life with the OW. She was a supplement to me, casebook example of her meeting the EM's that I didn't.

Fortunately, all of her neurotic demands LB'd him and left her account with him in the red long before the A ended. Pushing her out of his life was actually a relief for him.

Your WH has got FOG right now. Show him what he stands to lose if he doesn't choose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If it is any consolation for you DYING AND K. I know I had two false recoveries. There may have been another 1 and 1/2. I can't keep track of the details any longer.

I had to do PLAN B for not only my M's sake but most importantly for my sake. My H did not end the A until PLAN B. Now we are really happily recovered. 18 months in recovery now, he continues to make sure I know his whereabouts, cell phone constantly on, shares cell phone account with me, etc. PLAN B scared him. Don't let your WHs fool you into thinking that they do not know what they need to do to maintain NO CONTACT. I travel closer into the FOW's circles than my FWH's does. He is always saying almost to himself, "I can't travel into the bad part of town".

Your Hs are smart. They know what they need to do. They do not want to stop contact. They want all varieties of cake. Your "sweetness" needs to be made totally unavailable.

Great for you, K. Let us know how your confrontation turns out. I was thinking just for her own sake, just because it might feel good, DYING might want to confront her WH like you plan to do. Only though if she is able to do so calmly and with conviction.

dying...

is he moving out or are you..
also ...
if I were you I wouldn't tell him you know about the last contact...
give him the letter and let him stew in it..
unsure if you "know" or don't "know"

if you disclose what you know he will be happy to power struggle that encounter...

i was weak
it was to be the last time
it meant nothing
i wanted to tell her good bye for real..
blah blah blah blah...

you don't care what the reasons...
you are done being a one of three...

don't give him any help

ARK

I agree with ARK again....

Dying Here, where are you?

Hi everyone

I am here had to get kids from school sort out their dinner etc

Ark he will be moving out.

I have to give some reason for the letter as things have been fantastice these last weeks but i have been monitoring everything and this week i could just feel the slide so it might as well be the truth (no i wont tell him how i know)

Hi everyone

I am here had to get kids from school sort out their dinner etc

Ark he will be moving out.

I have to give some reason for the letter as things have been fantastice these last weeks but i have been monitoring everything and this week i could just feel the slide so it might as well be the truth (no i wont tell him how i know)

Hi everyone

I am here had to get kids from school sort out their dinner etc

Ark he will be moving out.

I have to give some reason for the letter as things have been fantastice these last weeks but i have been monitoring everything and this week i could just feel the slide so it might as well be the truth (no i wont tell him how i know)

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A REASON...

HE KNOWS...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE KNOWS DAYUM WELL....

HE WAS WITH HER LAST NIGHT CORRECT...

WHY LOWER YOURSELF TO SPEAK HIS EVIL,...

AM I WRONG..DID HE TAKE TO A FUNCTION LAST NIGHT
DID HE GO IN HER APARTMENT AFTER...

DO I HAVE THIS WRONG...

HE WAS WITH HER LAST NIGHT...
HE KNOWS..

correct???

ARK

Dying,
I am patiently waiting for you to join me in plan B. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??????????

listen to Mimi and Ark. They have said it better than anyone could.

cc

Post deleted by dyinghere

Don't listen to him! Don't listen to your gut!
Listen to us!

Did we advise you to call and leave him that sarcastic response?

Do what we say here......

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

okay

I am trying to prepare myself mentally for this evening.

Have to drop kids off to show at school so the house will be empty. Dont know if that is a good or a bad thing.

Anyway staying calm and trying to keep focused.