Well, the WW invites me to lunch and a movie tomorrow. This after declining my invitations to go on a date with me a couple of weeks back and declining my invitation to join my friends and I going out.

So Plan A is going full steam and she's noticed. However things are still really awkward - she won't look me in the eye, conversation is stilted and short when it exists, etc.

Any tips on how to handle this first date? I have the feeling she may be using this as a gauge as to which side of the fence she should fall. It's almost like she wants to come back, but she's holding herself back.

Treat it like you would a first date. Look extra special, hold the door for her, tell her she looks beautiful, comment specifically on something she is wearing (i.e. that blue sweater makes your eyes sparkle), encourage her to talk (Not about R stuff unless she brings it up), look into her eyes, lightly touch her hand when you talk to her, bring her flowers. Show her what a wonderful, fun person you are. If conversations have been a little awkward and strained lately, go online and find some funny unusal story in the news that you can tell her about (Yahoo has an oddly enough section in their news stories). Make her laugh! Also, plan a few topics ahead of time in order to avoid awkward silences; tell her about a mutual friend you have heard from, projects you want to do at the house, a new store that opened up in town, a recent TV show you have seen, a vacation spot someone at work went to, what ever just have a few available. Most importantly make her feel special and loved.

Let us know how it goes.

Thread hijack.

I'm kind of in the same dilemna. My wife is preparing divorce paperwork, but is planning on a party when I meet her with my son in Europe next week. (See History) She's been really chummy, but just can't be married to me. Sounds like she's happier that the marriage "trap" will be removed. She's also recognized that splitting our finances is going to be tough. DUH!

I'm going tough love route, but this one is not in the play books. Do I spiffy up and look good for her too? Seems like I'm running a long distance Plan A.

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: SleeplessNSeattle ]</small>

Sleepless - Absolutely you go looking and acting your best. Do all the stuff I suggested above for Moriarty. You want her to see the best you possible, this is what she will be missing. Part of Plan A and Plan B is knowing that you did everything possible to save your M. You do not give your S any reason to justify the A. She can not say you were a horrible, angry, mean person. If things don't work out you can hold your head high, having no regrets, knowing you did everything in your power. Don't take the easy way out, you fight for your M. Plan A is not easy but life isn't easy, sometimes you have to fight for what you want. Go to Europe and be pleasant and fun, be the man your wife fell in love with once. When you leave again that will give her something to think about!

Moriarty,

First rule...absolutely NO relationship talk. No talking about your marriage, the affair, what is happening next week. This date should be just living in the moment.

Second thing...project happiness and ease. What I mena by that is if you are uptight, she will be too. Yes, this will be one of the things she looks back on later as one of her reasons for coming back. So, give her that confident, staright forward guy that you did when you dated.

No pressuring...no expectations. It is a date. And expect at the end of that date to go home alone and that nothing has changed. In reality, MUCH will have changed...but you will not know it for awhile. All you are doing is planting seeds. The spring thaw may be weeks away, so not much growth will be seen for awhile. Just do your thing, and then trust God to do his. Do you think the farmer stands over the seeds he just planted, worried that they wont come up or angry because they havent come up yet? Nope, he plans them, waters them...but leaves the growing up to God.

If she wants to talk about your marriage, the affair, whatever...just smile and say "Honey, can we just talk about that later. Let's have one evening with us just having a good time." Ask any WS on here...that statement alone will make huge cracks in their fog.

It will be weird and feel weird. It is almost like you are dating another woman. So, kind of exciting too. All that beginning stuff of learning who they are, what they are about. So, learn more about her. Make her laugh. You see, the OM takes her away from her problems. This date cannot be an immersion back into those problems. She has to know that being with you is not always associated with discomfort or hurt. Show her a good time.

At the very least, even if you all never make it...this date will stick with her forever if you do it right. It will always eat at her...the what-ifs.

Be yourself, my man. She married you once. Just be yourself.

In His arms.