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One of mine....
BS unwilling to formulate a plan ---> unwilling to expose when the time for exposure has become obvious ---> thinks talking to the WS is part of Plan B
aughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Thank you!
Ditto Pep...
and....
My pep peave: MB'ers searching for answers, but unwilling to spend time reading and learning on their own. So many MB'ers want quick answers (NOW NOW NOW!!!!!), and they let us know this by their DRAMATIC HEADLINES AND TEMPER TANTRUMS!!!!, quick fixes, and run their mouth twice as much as they use their ears. The information is HERE - on the MB website, and in COUNTLESS posts of others who have gone through the same stuff before.
It's one thing to be hurting and searching for answers. But you have to get control of your emotions long enough to read, listen, and quit trying to control your WS.
<small>[ March 10, 2005, 11:15 AM: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</small>
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Pep I've been sharing EXACTLY this frustration with a couple of MB lifers offline too.
Its the justifications for not exposing or not going dark in plan B that make me squirm.
Do MB or don't do MB, but don't NOT do MB and say MB doesn't work when it all goes tits up.
Its hard for me because doing what I was told STOPPED SQUIDS AFFAIR.
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BS and WS both who stay stuck and do nothing to change it...and want sympathy.
Susan
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people in plan A who don't at the same time..prepare and plan for plan B..
people in plan A who wait for some destructive or perceived cataclysmic action from the WS then retaliate with plan B...
Plan b should never come at the action of a WS but always in control of the BS...
plan B should never be a knee jerk response to some event/action/comment...
it's impact and meaning is not the straw breaking the camels back scenario...
the impact is the WS believes that they can perhaps survive in both worlds...OR can see hope that the BS won't forever hold the affair over their head.....
and then total cutting off from the BS...
leave them confused and reeling and really really feeling perhaps for the first time the reality of their actions and choices...
plan b as some knee jerk response to something...
bleeechhhh...
if you are in plan A...no matter how good it...please please prepare for plan B as well pray you don't need it...but be ready for it...
public disclaimer ..this is not a direct attack on anyone..this stuff is harder than hard...
but it's CALLED plan A because there is a Plan B and vica-versa...
ARK
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I'm a stuck BS. My W won't do anything. I want simpathy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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I have 2: 1)When you post your heart and soul out to someone an they don't even take the time to acknowledge it.Just a simple,"Thanks for posting" would suffice for me. 2) Not sticking to the plans.When Mortarman came back around,I told him we needed some order here and it was chaos.We had people breaking Plan B's,prolonging Plan A's,not exposing,sleeping with other's while still a married BS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and even suggesting dating,etc.Argh. O
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I haven't been around very long, but I'd like to bring something up. I completely understand the frustration you all feel, but I'd like you to consider something....look back at how difficult it was for you to take the necessary steps to get to where you are now. I'm absolutely guilty of reading and being given advice to take the next step and not accepting that, yet. It's frustrating for you to see because you have already been through it, think about how scared and emotional you were at the time and try to give us newbies a little bit of leaway. I'm not taking any of the comments personally, I completely understand where you are coming from. I just also am one of those standing at the bottom of the stairs, knowing the stairs lead me to the next floor, but still too afraid to start walking.....have a little patience. I will, however, agree with the fact that there is not enough reading going on. And that is a lack of patience on our (newbies) part, which I'm sure you have also felt at some point. I have been reading "Surviving an Affair" and last night hit a paragraph that was the exact answer to a question posted on this forum...it struck me funny and made me realize I need to finish that book soon and keep reading more than I post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> In the end, thank you all for your help and caring <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long: <strong> I'm a stuck BS. My W won't do anything. I want simpathy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok. I'll decide after you tell me what YOU are going to do. Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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yeah 2long...that's why I worry about you falling off your scaffolding... you better get one of those old lady I've fallen and I can't get up buttons!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ARK it's just a joke A JOKE!! do I have to explain it's a joke.. you know i'm joking ....right???
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Susan, ark: I've been laughing inside, almost uncontrollably, every time Staples has one of it's "Easy button" ads on the Lobotomy Box. It reminds me of JL's joke about "simple and easy". I need BOTH in button form! -ol' 2long P.S. My D is getting married on Sunday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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"""Pet MB Peeve ... What's yours?"""
I have a bunch.....
1. Someone who posts that "Letter I'm thinking of sending", you know the one that is full of DJ and LB'rs and asks for advise. Then you begin giving them feedback only to find out they have already sent the flaming letter.
2. My Title as "Billy the thread killer".... You know, hit and run posters.
3. Buying hot dogs in packs of 10 and hot dog buns in packs of 8. So in order for everyone to have a hot dog on a bun, I have to buy 2 packs and end up with 6 left over buns..... It just doesn't make any sense.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">)When you post your heart and soul out to someone an they don't even take the time to acknowledge it.Just a simple,"Thanks for posting" would suffice for me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, O. This is a main peeve of mine, too. It would be a COMMON COURTESY to reply as my GRANDMOTHER would say.
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bad math
<small>[ March 10, 2005, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>
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LH:
"3. Buying hot dogs in packs of 10 and hot dog buns in packs of 8. So in order for everyone to have a hot dog on a bun, I have to buy 2 packs and end up with 6 left over buns..... It just doesn't make any sense."
You could buy 4 packs of hounds and 5 of buns and have enough 2 give every dog a home.
It could be worse: Hebrew National dogs come in packs of 7! Your family hungry enough 2 eat 56 2be steaks?
-ol' 2long
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Not To Me
I was an absolute pathetic mess when I stumbled on MB. Suicidal even.
The folsk here lost patience with me and told me to pul myself together. After a brush with suicide I did that. An dI articulated my situation well, and the wise folks here worled on a plan of action with me.
And all the time fearful and angry and everything else that new BS on here feel I EXECUTED what I agreed was the right thing AS SOON AS I felt it was the right thing to do.
* Plan A
* Exposure
* Withdrawal
* Fog Babble
* Managing OM
* Managing loneliness
EVERYTHING. NONE of it was instinctive. ALL OF IT inspired and guided by the wisest people on here.
AND I GOT MY BABY BACK ! For example, I had to expose TWICE because my Squid and OM conspired to lie to his GF an dshe was vascillating.
I did this JUST BEFORE OMS ESTRANGED SON'S FUNERAL to a tirade of abuse from some quarters that I was immoral.
The A stopped immediately.
I found out since that OM and Squid planned to attend this funeral together then 'run away' afterwards leaving me and OM GF in the lurch.
I had NO way of knowing that at the time.
Proven expose killed the affair AND actually started recovery in OMS life too !
Was I scared to do it ? What do YOU think ?
But I did it. And however my day is going I always know that by my own hand and the motion of God my marriage has been saved.
NOW you understand some of my frustration when scared BS are paralysed by fear rather than doing what we KNOW works.
Its out of love not arrogance that our frustration builds, and I'm not even a lifer or an MB wise head !
ALl blessings !
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toolong, you're 2 good at math... my pep peeves... 1. Folks who say they just could never go to Plan B, then talk about Plan D. 2. Those who think the kids should be kept COMPLETELY in the dark...until the D is final "Here honey, pack your bags, you're staying with daddy, my ex-H, this weekend, sorry I didn't tell you sooner..." 3. Those who say they would never have an A (had to throw that in Pep!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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Not knowing the gender of posters by their name or from the content of that particular post. I'm pretty sure now that PEPPERBAND is a woman or young lady or whatever.. ARK, what are you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sorry. I should know this.
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<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>
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<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>
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