</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 6 left over buns..... It just doesn't make any sense. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Silly - those are for the sweagulls (what dd#1 calls em)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> knowing the stairs lead me to the next floor, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.


It does, hon. For all my doubts and second guessings of my senseis here, one of my biggest lessons learned was WHEN YOU REALLY, TRULY DO THE PLANS, THEY REALLY TRULY WORK.

Having the plan and living it are two completely seperate things, though.

Please, dear senseis, I hear your frusteration and understand it, but also remember everyone's "enufz z'nuf" cap is at different levels. For Nio and I, we both had to reach that cap before we could turn ourselves around.

Just my observation.

And 2long, you have my sympathy and a couple of (((squidges))) thrown in for good measure. Oh, and congratulations to you on gaining a SIL.

- Kimmy

Posters who want a magic formula to change their spouses...instead concentrating on how they can change themselves.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and I'm not even a lifer or an MB wise head !
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh good grief Bob, you are too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You can't get out of here anymore than any of the rest of us. You are so funny.

Mine is about Plan A, when a BS continues to have SF with the WS (who is having SF with OP) because they are filling the SF E/N. I simply feel this is way too damaging to ones soul to EVER be a good idea.

I read another poster share this same concern about it causing resentment so that recovery down the road might become impossible. I wish I could remember who that was as I agree most strongly.

b0b,
I absolutely understand it's out of love and not wanting anyone else to go through what you (generic you) have already been through when the answers are right in front of us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Y'all keep nudging, I'll keep reading, and I keep inching closer to that staircase <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dealan,
I like that "everyone's "enufz z'nuf" cap is at different levels." You stated that so much more succinctly than I was able. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry all for the little side-trip there...

I agree with Mimi on wanting to know the gender of a poster more easily....it's confusing to get through a long post before you realize it's a man posting instead of a woman or vice-versa! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have been reading "Surviving an Affair" and last night hit a paragraph that was the exact answer to a question posted on this forum...it struck me funny and made me realize I need to finish that book soon and keep reading more than I post </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BINGO!

Weaver:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mine is about Plan A, when a BS continues to have SF with the WS (who is having SF with OP) because they are filling the SF E/N. I simply feel this is way too damaging to ones soul to EVER be a good idea.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you think it is more damaging to one's soul than fulfilling any other EN during PLAN A? This was a significant issue for my FWH that created the environment for the A. He had to know that I had changed in this area or I don't think there was anyway that we would have reconciled! It had to be a deliberate, well-thought-out part of MY PLAN, fully supported by Steve Harley.

I guess I have a pet peeve about people having issues with SF. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

I'm guilty of a lot of the peeves listed so far.

...so be it.


I've got a few of my own:

♣ MBers who still believe that it was unmet needs that led their WS astray. That is NOT 2 say that they shouldn't try 2 meet those needs during plan A, but it IS 2 say that the WS strayed because they CHOSE 2, not because of anything the BS did or didn't do. That isn't the same thing as acknowledging responsibility for problems in the M prior 2 the A.

♣ Blame shifting. ...nuff said.

♣ Drama. ...also nuff said.

-ol' 2long

Hello, my name is Susan, and I'm a gurl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:


my pep peeves...

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL LOL LOL

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

I liked pep peeves too. LOL

Mine is WS's who say to me personally (the FWS) "oh, but nobody understands - my A was DIFFERENT."

Oh, puuhlease. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jen

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

BSs who believe that they must explain themselves to WSs..for example..

Well, I told him what I know [and how I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> big mistake]

then he said blah blah
and he WASN'T EITHER and prove to WS that blah blah.

Nonsense. The only thing that I can conclude..is that the unhealthy paradigm stretches far beyond the infidelity.

There are several examples of this on the board right this minute..and I'm counting to ten[thousand] before going in..and reminding myself that this *is* the norm in this relationship..so it ISN'T as obvious to them as it is to me how unproductive this is. How it weakens the BS to argue. To be drawn in to trying to PROVE themselves to the WS.

Makes my blood boil.

Noodle

When people don't think a WS could possibly have any advice of value to give a BS, and vice versa.

When people don't take my really good advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

When people don't post back in acknowledgement of reading my post to them.

When people start two or more sentences in a row with the same two words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Autumn Day:


When people don't post back in acknowledgement of reading my post to them.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for your helpful post AD!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Autum:

"When people start two or more sentences in a row with the same two words."

That's when you say

"When people:" followed by ♣s, ♥s, or ♠s, and list your points! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long
P.S. "I ♣ed my fellow MBer with an ebony 2x4."
P.P.S. "I ♠ my cat."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by noodle:
<strong> How it weakens the BS to argue. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~amen~

And thank you for starting such a fun thread, Pep!

Almost as good as the "3 word" one, I loved that one!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Posters who want a magic formula to change their spouses...instead concentrating on how they can change themselves.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like Daisy's pep peeve so much, I'm just gonna steal it to use as my peeve. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lori

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: at peace ]</small>

2long~ huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I have a few MB pet peeves.

1. People who write thier ENTIRE story in one paragraph.
2. People who don't puntcuate and and use upper case letters at the beginning of a sentance.
3. 2long's 2's. They confuse me. Easily done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

More importantly......

1. People who CONSTANTLY make excuses for their WS's behaviour.
2. People who are given tools and instructions....and still can't figure out how to "make it work".
3. People who post asking for URGENT ADVICE...then never come back.


MY #1 MB PET PEEVE....drum roll please......

Posters who tell others that if they don't like what they have to say then they can leave. That one just really irks me to no end.

It's more polite to just tell someone that it's okay for them to have their opinion...and that they should ignore you if they don't want to take your advice....or...if they simply don't like you.

K....I'm done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good topic, Pep. A place where we can safely vent a little. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It bothers me when BS call the OW or the OM TERRIBLE names.

BECAUSE, our FORGIVEN spouses were someone else's OM or OW so that would mean they are also referring to the WS.

My H is a wonderful kind man, that made a bad choice.
He got off track but he is definitely back on track! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
He is BELOVED and NOT one of those names that OP OFTEN get called.
(Like pond scum. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
P.S. Also pep peeve, people like me, that always edit for grammar errors...I almost always see a MISTAKE and should take the time to preview my posts! (Just joking, I really don't care if people edit!)

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<small>[ March 10, 2005, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>