My really REALLY BIG peeve....

being lied to on MB ...

"Help me with this problem that I am not telling the truth about"

ggggggggggggRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

All right, I'll bite.

1). For the most part, NONE of the WH that create these poor OC on the Pregnancy Board being there to explain themselves.
Ever!

Instead they leave it to their BW's to have to come on there and attempt to Defend their actions.

Where the H*ll are these guys??
My goodness....They need at least as much Help as the BW's they HIDE Behind!!

Sheesh, At least Help clean up your own mess.

2). IMO far too many posters using the Excuse of the "fog" to explain away ANY & ALL behavior by a WS.

The whole explanation no matter "WHAT" it is... it's simply ...Blah, blah, blah or yadda, Yadda, yadda...Fog, fog, fog!
Drives me nuts.

Hey, I realize that its a tool that makes all the Selfishness by the WS a bit more bearable by the BS......but face it, there was NO FOG when the A began.

In addition, ANY feelings that can be considered "fog" are simply (like it or Not)....yes, at that moment your WS Did Love Something MORE than You (be it the OP, the sex, the excitement, the attention, whatever).

So it Was Not fog or confusion or an alien (it was in fact your S) doing Exactly what they Wanted to do At That Moment.

It would be refreshing to Stop using The "fog" as a blanket statement (and I read it every day) to Rationalize Away unacceptable behavior.

Instead, Let them own and "see" what they've done....and thereby learn from it.
This "fog" excuse is one step away from enabling.

Yes, they can change .....but to let them off the hook in this (dismissive) manner, is doing a disservice to the pain and work it takes to recover from their actions.

3). The constant harping that simply getting into MC will somehow be the panacea to all the woes in the M.
(Sadly, There just aren't enough truly effective ones out there). And then finding one is a whole nother matter.

Yes, IF (underline IF twice) a couple CAN manage to find a Competent Pro Marriage counselor it can be a valuable asset .
However, the percentages of actually finding ONE are very very low.

And then Once the majority end up going to ones that are (well, quacks ) they end up feeling even more defeated... (as the mantra is "go to MC" and Everything will magically be all right).

They mistakenly believe that since it didn't work.....it must be them that failed.
(When its really the other way around). But when in the emotional fall out of infidelity, most won't see it like that.
Heck, we blame ourselves for everything else....so why not this too??

We've all witnessed that more harm can be done by going to an incompetent Boob, then by doing nothing at all.
(Indeed, Think of all the therapists that recommend separating or even Divorce after the first or second visit). Good Grief!!

So go Get the books, actually "DO" the Assignments and GET the Knowledge and the Breakthroughs for Yourself.
Cause that's who ultimately needs to "get it"......YOU (and your S).

You asked.
Hope this didn't mess up your happy thread.

I'm annoyed by "but".

Someone posts a question, then several experienced MBers take the time to give very good suggestions. The poster then has a thousand reasons why the advice isn't applicable.

"But I can't do Plan B, who'd mow the lawn?"

"But I can't expose because he'll be mad at me."

yada yada yada...

Sometimes it becomes very obvious that the poster wanted a certain answer and will only agree with the one they'd decided upon before even posting the question.

Dobie

The only one I have is the need for this forum to begin with.

It's a crying shame that anyone should have to search for a place like this when their lives as they've known it have fallen to pieces before their eyes.

Be it BS or WS, plan A, plan B, plan D, this is just a discussion forum, many people use it because they have no other place to turn, and everyone is different, timelines for one, are completely different for another. None of us have any personal investments in anyone else's marriage but our own, who are we to say enough is enough, too much, too little, back off, stay strong, even Harley will attest that not all marriages can or will be saved, no matter how vigiliant anyone adheres to any plan.

Some BS are stronger than others, some WS are more likely to fall back into contact. I'll be the first to stand up and say what worked for me MAY not work for you.

This isn't a science, it's advice. To be taken or not.

No pet peeves here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From betrayedinjersey:
The only one I have is the need for this forum to begin with. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">>>[cue applause track]<< <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Indeed!

Miss Priss:

"3. 2long's 2's."

I'm considering changing my name 2 "3pod" as the "next big thing" in my evolution here on MB.

Then, I'll have 2 think of ways 2 use "3's" in every day speech...

Lik3, I could just r3plac3 all the "e's" with 3's!

Pep Peeves of Mine...

When the BS's idea of Plan A consists of NOT exposing, so as to not "anger" (aka LB) their WS...and when it is done in a vicious, vindictive and dramatic manner. It is supposed to be done with love and care. Plan A is also the time to be open and honest about how the affair and actions of your WS make you feel. Being open and honest is paramount while in Plan A.

Now...Plan B. It is aggravating when a BS implements Plan B as a way to get back at the WS. "I'll show him...I'm gonna Plan B his [censored]...let's see how he likes not having me around." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Nope...that's not what it is for. It is for the BS...it is NOT done for the WS. It is done to protect the BS...not manipulate the WS into returning to the marriage. Too many BS have not had their fill of the drama yet...it just continues into the next saga...which is called Plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

committed

3pod! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I see dislexia in my future.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Oh yea, that you can ONLY come to the Discussion Board (not the rest of the site, none of the books / or any other resources)....and somehow your M is going to First survive and then Thrive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by top rope:

You asked.
Hope this didn't mess up your happy thread. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Honesty is one of my BIG ENs ...

I did NOT intend this to be a "happy thread"... but an honest thread. So, thank you!

Pep

1. BSes who refuse to help themselves and insult your intelligence with silly excuses to rationalize their obvious inertia - they then expect sympathy when it is clear they are not a victim, but a volunteer

2. folks who try to enforce "nice" speech codes on others to accommodate their tender sensitivities<-----------makes my [censored] hurt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Accepting unacceptable behaviour.

Allowing another person to treat you disrespectfully over and over again.

And, like Dobie, when I see the word 'but'...it just makes me want to scream.

By either BS or WS.

sss

sss,

I really enjoy it when someone "buts" the thread to death, then comes back and posts a new thread with the same questions rephrased.

Repeat ad nauseum, then say that MB doesn't work when they didn't follow the principles in the first place.

Dobie

My pet peeves:

Drama
Rudeness
Lying
Spinning
Rationalization
Excuses
Fog monsters
Whining
Hypocrisy
Racism
Pursecution
Judgementalism
Lynch mobs

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dobie:
say that MB doesn't work when they didn't follow the principles in the first place.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~LOL~ Dobie .... so true

Pep

Okay Pep...I'll bite. Of course, 2Long and Ark took most of mine!!

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Why do they call them driveways when you park in them? And parkways when you drive on them?</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2. Why do our British friends drive on the wrong side of the road? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /></font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. Why do women ask us questions they do not want true answers to? Example, "Do I look fat in this?" Or, "How do I look in this?" By the way guys...the answer to that last question is never, ever "fine."</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Oooppsss...probably should stick to the peeves on here...okay, here goes....
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. That BSs do not get the point that the WS is addicted, and reasoning with a person under the influence of fog is about as sane as trying to reason with the town drunk!</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2. That BSs and WSs think their marriage, their problems, their OP, and even themselves, are unique.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. That Mortarman cant keep his posts to a 100 words or less.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
In His arms.

I just can't resist...

This thread is a "textbook" for learning how to drive certain posters crazy!!! It's easier now than ever!

My pet peeve is posters LBing each other. If we can't practice not LBing each other here; where are we going to get the practice to make better choices!!

Hear ya on that one Dobie!

I believe I read a couple of those lately.

LOL

sss

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mortarman:
<strong> 3. That Mortarman cant keep his posts to a 100 words or less. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROFL! I hadn't noticed who posted that at first and got really offended that someone was picking on Mortar's insightful responses.

Dobie

I also get annoyed when people double post.

Dobie

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: Dobie ]</small>