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Hi ark,
I always admire your posts and your advice. You can convey such strong messages in so few words...
Don't know how you do it.
I have tried to find your story but in 2 days of checking old posts I was never able to find it. I found Mimi during her plan A and a very interesting long post from Mortarman, and several others. There were many that seemed interesting but since I was intent on finding you I couldn't read all those old posts with so much wisdom.
Many should be kept for reference.
Anyway, I am asking you if you would be comfortable telling me where I can read your story or giving me a summary. Thanks.
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Joined: Sep 2001
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here's one that answers that one... though I'd like to go back and edit it a bit.. but that's about it in a nutshell.... arks boring story...
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Wow! pure soul wisdom!!!!
No wonder I never found your story! I reviewed some 250 pages of the forum starting in 2001 but never got to 2004.
I'm glad that there is no infidelity in your story, I wish there weren't any in mine. I never planned for there to be, but I confess when things were not so good (no money, small kids, busy husband, stalling career) I would sometimes think: when the twins are 18 I'll get divorced and have a life of my own! But by the time the twins were 15 I was thinking that NOW I could finally start concentrating on my marriage and my husband and we could finally start doing more things together the 2 of us and I actively started working on that. Not too long afterwards my H started detaching from the whole family, and then specially from me until last year he started the A, at least as far as I know. Maybe the A was ongoing for a lot longer but I don't have all the info yet and if he doesn't come back I guess I never will.
Anyway, everytime somebody says be careful what you wish for because you just might get it I remember those thoughts I used to have.... But I know that if my WH should dcide to come back, it will be a new marriage. I could never go back to the old one, I don't want that one although I'm not complaining that it was bad. I have a lot to be thankful for...
Thanks for your story, your wisdom and your generosity.
cc
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Joined: Nov 2004
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BTW, can I ask you for advice on a specific matter?
WH has been very respectful of my request for NC these last 2 1/2 months. Monday is our 19th wedding anniversary. Can I send him an email saying: happy anniversery and nothing else just to remind him?
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CC: I sent such a card during PLAN B. It's a secret. I didn't tell anybody here, slid it under the door of my husband's business. He has kept the card, BTW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ARK: Thanks so much for sharing your story. I've fallen in love with you. We really have a lot in common.....REALLY!!! <small>[ March 10, 2005, 02:34 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>
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DON'T LISTEN TO MIMI... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> The truth is if you are in plan B which is not NC <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> then you should definitely NOT send a peep a squeak a card etc... 2-1/2 months...with total silence.. what do you think is happening.. ARK
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thanks Mimi. Maybe I'll do the same, but we won't let anybody here know. I'll send him a card...
It's been soooooooo long
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thanks Mimi. Maybe I'll do the same, but we won't let anybody here know. I'll send him a card...
It's been soooooooo long
unless Ark says no
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Ark: I've been trying to make friends with you. You did one of my pet peeves. You referred to me as if I didn't exist and I wasn't listening. Ok. I admit I was wrong BUT I did have a good outcome. I remained DARK. Sorry to be a bad influence, CC... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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sorry mimi..didn't realize I didn't acknowledge you...
and didn't mean not to....
that's why I said don't listen to mimi cause I 'heard" what you said...
it was just really really bad advice...
KIDDING!!!
I am just kidding...
I don't know ...anniversary card after 2-1/2 months of a given plan b letter that states exactly what one needs to communicate...
see one of the fine lines a BS walks is saying what they mean...and meaning what they say...especially in the light of WS who we all know is very much capable of lying...
one of my mottos is never ever hand a WS a loaded weapon....
if you say you meant you don't want to be part of their chaos...
then I believe you should stay out of it...
personally mimi i kind of like bad influences...
ARK
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ARK: I told you we have a lot in common. I also like bad influences whoever they are and also the SWEET POTATO QUEENS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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My advice??? If anyone cares??? Dont send him a card! He KNOWS it is your anniversary! If you send him a card, it sends him the wrong message...you want him to think You Care..haha! Seriously, I would not send him a card! No need to! You dont need to remind him of anything! It would only be breaking YOUR rules, and he might take it as a way of starting communication again with you! just my .02 cents...If anyone cares <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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ok, I'm confused, lost with you two (remember english is my 2nd language).
Should I or shouldn't I? I won't say anything in it, just sign.
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DONT do it! just my .04 cents now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Ok, Mom, I won't. I'm very obedient, but you know, he probably won't remember. That's the sad part. or maybe he will. Last year he forgot my birthday and as usual didn't get me a present. This year he remembered (we were already in plan B) and sent me a book. I think that's the first time he's ever given me a birthday present for my birthday!
But you are right. It's best that he think I am really letting go, let him go back to my PBL if he has any doubts about what I am about.
I'm proud to say that I have meant everything I said, I kept checking the copy ofmy PBL I had on my laptop (because I wrote it by hand to give to him) until my computer crashed. Then I nearly panicked because I could not re read it. I'll pay whatever to get it back, am waiting for the shop to callme but I already told them that I want the info on the disk.
On the other hand I just got my "dream job" which will do wonders for my self esteem...
I can't stop crying
thank you
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