Just a quick background and some questions.

Married 20 yrs (last week). Found out 10/25/04 wife was having affair. Affair was physical (kiss/hand hold) for 1-2 years prior and with a 1 nite stand in June (supposedly). Went to MC for ~ 8wks. Found out 12/26, she was still seeing him ("friends") at bowling. Agreed to stop bowling. During Jan, wife was at her dad's who died. Found out 2/25 that she was calling him while down there ("it was a stressful period"). Agreed to stop. Discussed last week - asked if she has seen/talked/etc. him... got "no" (but suspected otherwise - but didn't have proof). Last night, I took son to soccer... had suspicion that it was his bowling night - I dropped son off and returned back to bowling alley and saw car. Went in... saw them talking.. went outside (she didn't see me), called her on cell - she didn't pick up. 2 minutes later, she calls, asks "what's up"... I tell her that I'm parked next to her and she doesn't have to come home. She came out to car, said an excuse (half-truth - saw my friend "Doris" - left off the "Fred" part). I told her to move out tonight. One last thing... from reading the discussions, I see the WS' after exposure do one of 3 things: 1) be very remorseful, 2) ignore BS and keep up the hot and heavy or 3) go on as if today was yesterday and do a half hearted attempt. My wife is #3.

Here's problem:

1) 2 sons (15 & 18)don't know anything about her issues (sure, they see us fight, but I don't think they know).
2) She's particularly close to kids (was a stay at home mom for all their life until 2 yrs ago). Her "mid-life crisis" has resulted in her "trying to be young and hang out with young people".
3) I haven't told anyone... she has told at least 2 "friends" (used to be mutual friends). They clearly are not. I plan to tell her sister and brother (though it might affect any inheritance - there are some estate issues).
4) I make 95% of money. How do you kick someone out - she says "you can't kick me out". I won't leave (don't want to be considered as having "abandoned" the family.
5) MC and one IC told me that I shouldn't involve the kids - will ruin their lives... how do you tell them that mom's not here - I don't want to be the "bad guy" kicking innocent mom out.

Help Please.

Hurt Husband