My WW has indicated that she would like to reconcile our M after having left 2 yrs ago and has been in a relationship with the OM. Things have gone sour for her I have been told by her family even though she denies this......she says she needs to "do the right thing" and restore her marriage. However, property has already been divided, her share is pretty much gone except for a couple of years of payments I have to make to her to complete the settlement. (I got the house but had to buy her share with monthly payments rather than sell the house). My business suffered from the breakup but I am finally recovering financially. I have been involved in a relationship for almost a year and it is going well. The problem is I still love my WW but she is resistant to letting me witness her telling the OM the A is over and getting tested for STD's (The OM is a drug addict)and looks emaciated. I do not think that I could survive a failed attempt at reconciliation. Does anyone have insight? I sometimes feel that her offer to reconcile is an attempt to break up me and my new girlfriend. How do you tell if an offer of reconciliation is genuine or just a scheme to further your pain and misery?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ecxpa:
<strong> My WW has indicated that she would like to reconcile our M after having left 2 yrs ago and has been in a relationship with the OM. Things have gone sour for her I have been told by her family even though she denies this......she says she needs to "do the right thing" and restore her marriage. However, property has already been divided, her share is pretty much gone except for a couple of years of payments I have to make to her to complete the settlement. (I got the house but had to buy her share with monthly payments rather than sell the house). My business suffered from the breakup but I am finally recovering financially. I have been involved in a relationship for almost a year and it is going well. The problem is I still love my WW but she is resistant to letting me witness her telling the OM the A is over and getting tested for STD's (The OM is a drug addict)and looks emaciated. I do not think that I could survive a failed attempt at reconciliation. Does anyone have insight? I sometimes feel that her offer to reconcile is an attempt to break up me and my new girlfriend. How do you tell if an offer of reconciliation is genuine or just a scheme to further your pain and misery? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why would you knowingly subject yourself to your WW again knowing full well that her attemp at reconciliation is not "genuine". Her OM is an emaciated drug addict? She doesn't want to end contact with OM in front of you ?????

Wake up buddy !!!!!!!!! YOu have no dillema here at all. This is a slam dunk decision. Walk.....NO RUN THE OTHER WAY !!!!!!

LM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ecxpa:
<strong> My WW has indicated that she would like to reconcile our M after having left 2 yrs ago and has been in a relationship with the OM.
...
I have been involved in a relationship for almost a year and it is going well.
...
The problem is I still love my WW
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ???She left, you never divorced, you became involved with someone else and you still love your wife...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

but she is resistant to letting me witness her telling the OM the A is over and getting tested for STD's
Shje should not tell him anything. She should leave him, write a note (not a letter) and YOU mail it. This ensures it actually gets to him and it is not filled with gooky stuff (I'll always love you, etc.)

Also, yopu don't have to (and probably shouldn't) "reconcile" right away. She should get an apt by herself and you guys can start talking, counseling and dating (no sex!).
After a few months see how you both feel about it all.

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 11:26 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Oh yeah, the magical two-year "oops" response.

Gotta love it. I wonder if I've got one of those in my future.

You could have played it a little more cleanly, as I'm sure you know.

You said almost nothing about the new person in your life.

GC

E...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Things have gone sour for her I have been told by her family even though she denies this......she says she needs to "do the right thing" and restore her marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too Bad for Her. IMO you should let her end her A with the drug addict, get her life together without either you or OM for say, about two years, and then see if either of you are actually interested in reconcilling.

Harsh huh!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I say go on with your life and let your WW suffer. I'm sorry....I now you still love her but she chose this path. There is no way in h@ll I would take my STBXWH back. I do still love my STBXWH but not the same. I think you should let her go for good and move on. You have met someone else and are happy now. You probably will always love your WW but sometimes that's just not enough.
good luck!!!!

I say go on with your life and let your WW suffer. I'm sorry....I now you still love her but she chose this path. There is no way in h@ll I would take my STBXWH back. I do still love my STBXWH but not the same. I think you should let her go for good and move on. You have met someone else and are happy now. You probably will always love your WW but sometimes that's just not enough.
good luck!!!!

Thanks all....I guess it is unanamious; actually I do feel that I should do as some of you have described. Sometimes we loose perspective in our pain; I reckon I just needed to know that I was focused. Your replies have made me feel more secure in my position. In essesence I have told my WW that....I will not be mean to you, I will be nice to you if you let me, if I can help you I will.........but you are not coming home.

Thanks again.......

...So, I don't even know you personally, and I do believe in restoring marriages, reconciling, but this sitch sounds like the Prodigal Wife. She got her just dues, the portions of the estate, and squandered them on her OM.

Now she wants to "do the right thing"? Pretty funny.

And what about the woman in your life now? What was she, a rental unit? A "temp"? Is she aware that if wifey wants to reunite that she is going to be let go?

I add my 2C with the others. You can still have love for your WW, but she is toxic. Wish her well and send her a Christmas card next year.

Not just "no," but "HELL NO!"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ecxpa:
<strong>In essesence I have told my WW that....I will not be mean to you, I will be nice to you if you let me, if I can help you I will.........but you are not coming home.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never?
If never, then why haven't you filed for divorce?
If it's possible in the future (depending on if she cleans up her act), then why are you dating?

Bellevue thanks for your reply......I have already did what you suggested only earlier.....sent her a birthday card last month. As for the lady I am with now she is a part of my life and I have no intention of letting her go just because wifey wants to come back. Our relationship will not be determined by my WW's wishes.....sorry if I mislead you into believing that.

Chris....never say never in life. We did not divorce because it would affect a pension I receive monthly to the tune of about $500/month since I am not ready or looking to remarry why lose that? As for why I am dating.......we have been apart over 2 years....don't you think it's time?

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: ecxpa ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ecxpa:
<strong>As for the lady I am with now she is a part of my life and I have no intention of letting her go just because wifey wants to come back. Our relationship will not be determined by my WW's wishes</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is serious, not a "mean" question.
Then why are you asking about it on a marriage building web site?
And why haven't you filed for divorce?

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris....
I read a lot of posts here and I know my situation is not a lot different from some others I have seen. Divorce is the final blow to a marriage......any more questions.

I read a lot of posts here and I know my situation is not a lot different from some others I have seen.
There are very, very few people here that are "seeing" someone while still married, so it is a lot different (in that respect) than the vast majority of other situations here.

MB does not "promote" dating while married.
Some (not many) people here seem to think it is okay but it is 100% against what this site stands for and it is 100% against MB principles.

Divorce is the final blow to a marriage......any more questions.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I guess I could restate my previous question.
Why haven't you filed for divorce?

Your answer makes no sense.
Yes, divorce is the final blow to a marriage.
So what?

Do you simply want to stay married, keep your girlfriend and not do anything to repair your marriage?

If you do not want to remain married, get a divorce.
What's the problem?

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

because he doesn't want to lose $500 a month Chris.

excpa, I can't tell you what to do with the toxic W, if you know deep down what her sudden "revelation" is all about then either fix the marriage or ignore her.

I'd keep taking the money though, at least that way you can pay her share of the assetts every month. That is if your new squeeze is willing to put up with it.

double post

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

I'm a little confused here too.

First, I agree with this: RUN THE OTHER WAY.

Second, yes, divorce is the legal end to a marriage - but yours has been over - for a long time.

I do NOT think the reason you give for staying married holds water for a minute. Sorry about the 2x4, but you can make money elsewhere.

Staying married to a person that is toxic, most likely doesn't love you at all, and is very unlikely to even make the first step toward recovery and YOU dating another person - is an AFFAIR. It is disrespectful to your wife - you are married to her and are not divorcing her! What is wrong with this picture.......

End the marriage, improve your situation. What are you doing to the poor woman you are dating? What kind of commitment are you showing her? What kind of respect? Damn, man! This is B***S**T. If you care about your new person - show her.

Here's what makes me so angry about your situation: I don't see YOU acting with respect to EITHER woman in your life. Since I don't know you, I can't make any definitive judgments, but from where I sit, I see a person who does not respect women. What are you doing in any relationship at all? You should be examining your fundamental approach toward relationships - and do what is right.

You can kick me if you want, get mad all you want, I can take it. This is one area where I think you need to grow up and learn a few things.

Doesn't mean I don't care about you or your situation: it's just that you are going about this in exactly the wrong way

David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RebornMan:
<strong> because he doesn't want to lose $500 a month Chris.
...
I'd keep taking the money though, at least that way you can pay her share of the assetts every month. That is if your new squeeze is willing to put up with it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They are her assetts.
Why does he have them?
If they are her assetts, why not let her pay for them?
Why is he being a "caretaker" for her stuff?

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Tanelorn....talk about respect when you understand respect.... and don't tell me I have no respect. You show respect through openess and honesty. I have been open and honest with my WW and GF. As far as me committing an "affair" while still married....everybody has their opinion on this.....leave this to the individual in the future. Afterall, most people believe that adultery occurs when an affair occurs; but then some people believe you commit adultery if you remarry after the divorce irregardless of whose fault it is. So as for your moral purity.....re-examine it and don't judge....... especially when you are pis*ed off.