Oh my!!! I am just sitting here with my mouth hanging open. This is exactly were I am at. H's affair is in the 9th month, he moved out 1 month ago and ow & daughter moved in 1 week ago. He doesn't even think about working on us. And for the last week, I have been going through living hell. I have been wondering why am I doing this? What is the point? I even tried to post something on what I was going through, but I could not find the right words. This post is a life send. We are all going through hell, and I wish with all my heart that there was something I could do to fix all of us. But (here's the strange part) there is a small amount of comfort justing knowing I'm not alone. That there are people out there that do understand where I am coming from and that is very nice to know.<BR>Chris, what you wrote and the answer to your question was inspriational. I have never heard it put so well. Thank you.<BR>Loveu, I wish I did have the answers to give to you. All I can say is keep your chin up and just get through one day at a time. <P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<BR>

loveu - Only you know when you've had enough. Some people can hold out for years and others are out the door immediately. My only advice is to continue until you believe that you've done all you can do and then file. Sometimes the paper work can be a wakeup call for S, but you should only do it when you are ready and can live with the outcome.<P>Work on yourself first. This is advice that I didn't follow until later. It meant that I spent a lot of time scared, desperate and willing to do anything W wanted me to. This was a mistake. I am finally taking control of my life and I feel better for it.....<P>I really want to save my marriage, but I'm not even willing to wait 1 year to start. This has been going on now for over 5 months(since revelation) and it's time for me to do something positive. Whether that positive thing is divorce or try to save the marriage is up to W. I am ready to put my life back in order with or without her.

I ask myself the same question everyday. My H moved in with OW 3 months ago. I found out about affair in May 1998. That June we were supposed to work out our marriage, but he went back with her one month later. I did not know this until this past May. He could not leave until he filed for divorce. I guess he felt better about leaving me. I have told him many times that I want to work things out and he seems interested, I think. He has told me that this OW isn't all he had hoped for. She is a very controlling person. He expresses the desire to come back home, but says he can't just yet because he still needs to do things around her house for her. I sit here everyday and wonder if today will be the day he comes home. Should I just give up? I tell him that I need to continue on with my life, but I need to know in what direction. I can't sit around for long. I ask myself everyday " how long can this nightmare go on?" I often wonder what my life would be like if I just let go. My only answer to this is that I miss and love him and I want him back. This is what keeps me going. Sometimes he thinks I just want him back because I am used to him or I need his paycheck. He doesn't seem to understand that it is more than that. I could make it on my own if I had to. My divorce will be final a few days before Christmas. I sure wish this whole thing would be resolved before the holidays set in, but I have to face the reality that it might not. I wish he didn't file for the divorce and if he does come back what should we do about that?<P>To try and answer your question as when should we give up, I don't have one. Maybe it will just hit us one day and we will be able to go on with our lives in what ever our spouses decide,or more importantly, what we decide. Sometimes it feels like he is holding all the cards. Good Luck!