AD was hoping to see you in discussions. You hit the nail on the head with my husband and I was hoping we could talk. You sound like you are familiar with my silent partner type.

Hey Lisa V.

I almost missed this post.

I swung the hammer several times. Which swing hit the nail?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(I'm heading to D myself, so take anything I say in that light.)

-AD

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: Lisa V. ]</small>

just a little comment re FF's comments...

I don't think it is a question of honesty about feelings. If a person doesn't know what he/she feels - or doesn't have a world view in which the thing you call feelings even exists, he cannot answer your questions - no matter how honest he is. If you insist on answers, you will get them, but they may be of little value. He will just be trying to figure out what you want to hear.

It's kinda like going to the optometrist. She shows you two blurry slides and ask "Which is better <click>A or <click>B". You say "let me see them again". <click>"A or <click> B", she says. You sigh and say "A, I guess".

AD you hit the nail on the head with this comment about my husband not knowing what or how he should feel. I am his best friend and he has no other male friends that he hangs out with. He is very busy with school and activities for the kids and self. Keeps himself overly busy.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Another possibility is that he grew up with very critical parents - and just learned that the less he said, the less they had to critisize.

Also, in general, men speak, in an average day, half as many words as women do - and they are much less in tune with emotional vocabulary - so it may just be a guy thing. He may not even know the answers to your questions because he does not have the vocabulary to describe it, and because he hasn't "listened to his inner voice" enough to know.

Hey Lisa,

I just found this, which might be relevant to your situation.

-AD

AD
Thanks for responding to my posting. I appreciate your efforts. The article was helpful. The communication problems is more related to what he wants me to do to fix the marriage. I suggested counseling because it was my fault and my weaknesses that lead me to the A. But as a WS I thought he would want to check up on me or ask things of me, but he doesn't. I have had to do nothing other than counseling to fix the problem. He thinks things are fine, but I am still missing a few key things. I was hoping that some day he would be the leader of a conversation regarding our relationship, or the one to point out a discrepancy he might have with me. Of course, it never comes to light. For more information, I am posting to Military group too. Thanks again for the insight to men and communication.