Hi CW ~
Regular mail would probably be best. Then, block his access to your e-mail. Change your cell phone number and anything else you can to stop his ability to contact you. It's over!!!

It would be a good show of commitment to your H to have him read your letter and make any changes he'd like. Then, have him mail it so he is sure it gets sent.

CW, I know you're afraid, but tell your H everything all at once. I'll keep saying this because I care. It hurts, and it's awful to go through, but the more he finds out piece by piece, the more distrust and anger builds up.

As far as the momentos go, I've seen a few opinions on this. Most BS's will say get rid of the stuff because it's a sign of commitment to your H and that you have truly moved on. Maybe you haven't though, eh? Look deep within yourself. For me, I kept them but I put them away and haven't looked at that stuff for over 6 weeks now - not even once. My H knows about it, and my counselor o.k.'d it. Called them transitional objects to help the grieving. I plan on having a bonfire burning soon. Then it will truly mean that I have moved on emotionally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Keep moving forward. You can do it because you know the right path. Write when you need support!
GS

Hi everyone,

I went to my IC on Tuesday and we talked alot about the OM. It has made this week very hard on me. I still haven't made contact with him and I'm proud of myself for that. But I've sure thought about calling him. He e-mailed me Monday just to say Hi but I didn't respond. I find myself thinking about him all the time. This is even harder than losing my Mom last year. I had to let go of her because she was no longer here. But the OM is. Some days I just feel I can't deal with the loss of him. My hubby and I are working on our M but it's hard to do when I'm still so in love with the OM. I wish I could erase the affair from my heart and mind. It's just so hard to let go.....

Baby steps! Girl, you need to make sure there is no way for him to contact you. It's like trying to quit smoking. Even if you cut down, the addiction is still there. You need to quit COLD TURKEY. Remove whatever it is that is reminding you of it/him. Of course it will still be in your mind and heart, but how do you expect to move on when there is still the opportunity, the temptation, to keep him alive in your life. Let it die, for you, for your husband, for your marriage!

Baby steps! Girl, you need to make sure there is no way for him to contact you. It's like trying to quit smoking. Even if you cut down, the addiction is still there. You need to quit COLD TURKEY. Remove whatever it is that is reminding you of it/him. Of course it will still be in your mind and heart, but how do you expect to move on when there is still the opportunity, the temptation, to keep him alive in your life. Let it die, for you, for your husband, for your marriage!

Can someone please send a link to CW's original thread? Looks like there are a lot similarities to my situation. I'd really like to see all the responses to CW's post.

Thanks,

Whisper

Hi Whisper,
This thread started in a subject called "Help, Withdrawing from Painful Online Affair" and was originally started by Cardsonly.

If I knew how to provide a link to you, I would. I'm not the most computer savvy person <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Best wishes,
GS

Confusedwoman,
Just saw your recent post. Sorry for the delay. I know it's hard. This was the toughest fight I've ever had in my life. But you know what? I've done it. My withdrawls are over and I feel sooooo much better. You can too if you get through this next month or two.

Go back and read through the thread called "Help! Withdrawing from Painful Online Affair." Read through Suzet's posts especially.

I'm so proud of you for no contact, even after OM e-mailed you. GOOD FOR YOU!!! That's wonderful. Feel proud of yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keep it up and keep busy. Separate your heart and your brain for awhile. Your heart will want you to call OM....listen to your brain as to all the reasons not to. Separate your feelings from your actions. Feelings are o.k., but you are in control of your actions, right??

Write when you need to vent or you need support in no contact. It's tough, but you are being so strong. Hang in there CW. I'm rooting for you!!! Once you get through withdrawls, focusing on your M will be easier and you will be stronger.
GS

Your support is helping me sooooooo much!!! Still NC--YAHOOOOOOOO I still have crying bouts but they are getting better. It helps so much to have all of your encouragement. I will work on the NC letter tomorrow when I'm at work as I have to be so careful here at home. My hubby has always been controlling and possesive and always checks up on me. That is a HUGH problem in our marriage and I'm sick of it. I know I have my faults as well but until the affair I didn't realize how angry & bitter his actions made me. I am learning so much about our problems thru counseling. But I need to focus on the good things in our marriage.RIGHT??? Until the affair I did NOTHING to make him feel so insecure. Thats something he needs to deal with.

Whisper, did you find my first postings?

Oh and a question, can people see our e-mail addys on here? I just thought maybe we could e-mail if some people don't want all their private thoughts in this forum.

Thanks and EVERYONE YOU ARE TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

Yes. Thank you!

Hi CW ~
I'll second that YAHOO!! Good for you on the NC, really!

I do worry that you haven't told your H about the NC letter or about the full details of your A. I heard you say he is controlling and possessive and I wouldn't want you to put yourself in physical harm. But, if he should find out about all this on his own without you telling him honestly and directly, that could be a detriment to your recovery. Think about that, o.k.?

For now, you're doing great going through withdrawls. You'll be surprised how your perspective on your M changes after withdrawls are over.

Write when you can!
GS