I am the betrayed spouse (male). This affair was quite possibly the worst in history. My WS and her lover had 100% deepest emotional affair--and left me in her heart 100%. They had regular intercourse in horrific places and times (without protection...)--during family events in our homes, cars, everywhere and anywhere. We're in recovery, but i don't think i will ever recover or be able to get the images of them out of my mind/memory. I read Harleys book. But don't think i'll recover.

I absolutely love, and adore my wife. Our friendship is 100%. Our marriage was blissful.

Can anybody offer me a light at the end of this tunnel?

Hi Cain, Welcome to MB I am sorry you are here. I too am a betrayed husband. I know what you are going through. I have started to get over the sex part it still bothers me. Can you give more information, is WW still in contact with OM. Does she want to work on helping you recover? She need to get tested for STD before you resume having sex. That is a must. I do feel your pain and I will pray for you.

TMW

Hi again Cain!

Everyone is different when it comes to forgiving. My d-day was 6/20/03 and I have yet to forgive my H. I'm getting closer and closer and am just about there, but this last A was so devasting to me that I've had a lot to work through.

I'm looking forward to forgiving my H because forgiveness is really for me, not him. It will be nice to 'unload' this A stuff once and for all.

I think a lot depends on your W...keeping no contact with the OM, committing to recovery of your M, seeing your W's remorse for the A, hearing her apologize for the pain she's caused you and building (together) a better M than ever before.

Just take each recovery step one at a time and try not to look into the future too much. You have quite a roller coaster ride ahead of you. You're likely to experience emotions you've never experience before...or at least this intense.

Take care.

sss

Cain,
I know exactly where you are with this. I too, have had these images creep into my thoughts. I quickly realized that I would drive myself even crazier if I allowed myself to visualize that crap. So, I have adopted the practice of quickly jumping into prayer when this starts. I pray for the Lord to remove these thoughts from my head, for he knows that it is not healthy and something he would want for me to dwell on. I have found this to be very effective for myself. I dont know where you are spiritually, but I strongly suggest that you try it. Its kinda like the old saying about there not being any atheists in foxholes. Well, I kinda feel like all of us BS's are in foxholes.

I only speak for myself..

I love my XW. I am in love with my XW.

I will marry her again.

I forgive her for how she felt

but her "actions" are unforgiveable. What we deal with now is she can't forgive herself yet wants my forgiveness (just found out in MC). Part of me has....forgiven her but I am still "accepting what really happened"....6 - 7 YEARS AGO!!

wish I could be of more help...