My H left yesterday. He will be underway for 2 wks. Before he left he needed to stop by the ship to get something out of his office, but he said that he would have to go home 1st to get his keys, b/c his office was locked.

I can't seem to get this out of my mind. Why does he need an office that is locked? Man, this sure does give him plenty of opportunity to cheat. How did he even pull that one off anyway, what possible reason could he have gave whoever was in charge, to why he needed a LOCKED office? Is this even standard practice?

He even got a calling card this time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and called his 1st night away. Said that he knows that I don't do well when he is underway. Really???!!!!???? You think!!!!! My H is a liar and cheat, does he really think that I'm suppose to do "WELL" while he is underway??? I don't think so. I'm so sick of his non-chalant attitude regarding his A and total disrepect. My H doesn't appreciate me at ALL. It's all about HIM!! How sad.

One day he is going to wake up and have a life time of regret concerning me. And I will have none b/c I will have done everything to be the best person and wife that any man could have. And it will be too late for him, he will have lost me forever and there will be no turning back.

You must be going thru terrible pain right now. But listen when your baby is born let that be the most important thing in your life. This is your first -nothing should dampen the joys of motherhood. When are you due ? How are you feeling ? I know sad. What do you want to do for you ? Are you taking care of yourself ? Do you have any family near you or friends ?

Thanks Realtor for your words of encouragement. No I don't have any family or friends here. They are accessible via phone and I've been talking ALOT to both, that is why I went over my cell phone minutes by 300 this month. LOL.

In general everyday gets better and better. I have my moments, where I need to vent, so I come here to MB b/c it is useless to talk to my H about my feelings. His solution to my problems is for him to divorce me! Isn't that a laugh when he is the one who had the A.

But life goes on...w/ or w/o him. I will be fine, I have to be, I'm determined to be. As for the new baby coming Aug 05' I don't know. Honestly I didn't want anymore children, but b/c I loved my H and I wanted to make him happy, he doesn't have any children. I love children but I didn't want to have children this late in life. I wanted my child rearing years over by the time I hit 50, heck 40's (but my 2 yr slipped in there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and messed that up - but I can't blame anyone about that but me). The only thing really special to me about this pregnancy was that I was finally doing this thing right, w/ a husband. And he has ruined that for me.

I got pregnant the week I found out about the A, we had been trying since the wedding. Our sex life never suffered through all of this. But if i let it the thought of me being "knocked" up and him being up some other woman's skirt will drive me insane.

Realator, great insight, very true.

wd7, Sounds like you have been in tough spots before, sucks that this one may not be what you had hoped, but if it's any better than the last situations, use it get you back on your feet and take care of you and your child(ren). I suffered 1 year each of an abusive marriage for my first 2 girls. I'm glad I had that time with them, because I had to work a lot after I got out. You get stronger with each thing that is thrown in your path, but you stick to the path and you will get there with or without a partner. I did and here I am.
M

I'm guessing you are in Plan A right now?

Try to enjoy the two weeks that your WH is away.
I know you're worried and how hard it must be to have him gone. But as you said he's only concerned about his own feeligns right now. Try not to take this too personally because this is typical WS behavior for now. At least with him away for a couple of weeks you will not have to deal with his rejection of your efforts to meet his needs (also typical of the WS during Plan A).
So use this time to pamper yourself and to focus on your children.

Don't let your WH's attitude deprive you of the joy of motherhood. Your sweet children need and deserve your love now more then ever. AND THEY will at least appreciate your attention!

Just take care of yourself and your children for now. Then when your WH gets back continue with Plan A but be careful to keep your expectations that he will appreciate and reciprocate VERY LOW.
By shielding yourself from disappointment (by not expecting him to respond positively) you will prevent LB'ing during Plan A. Review Plan A concepts frequently so you don't fall into the temptation to LB your WH during Plan A.

As you said, even if it doesn't work out in the end, at least you will be leaving with your self-respect and kowing that you did all you could to restore the marriage.

I know about the isolation. We aren't in the military but because of my WH's career we moved around a LOT. Have you made any close female friends where you live? Can any relatives come and visit you? Also, finding a good church helps a TON. Our church family has been so much support to me and my daughters.

Are you in counseling? Get all the support you can for yourself right now (from healthy, pro-fmaily, pro-marriage sources). Because it will probably be a while before your WH will be willign and ready to give you the support you need and deserve from him.