So you're just going to accept what he's done? Get a locksmith.

Hi, K!

I've been away from a computer all weekend and am just now getting a chance to check in on you. Congratulations! It sounds like you did great!

You are NOT a wimp -- I don't believe you could have gotten to where you are now in life by being a wimp! You needed to learn some assertiveness (which, frankly, a lot of us female types need to learn) and you've been getting a crash course. You're in the middle of a big test right now...just keep hanging in and standing firm and I know you'll pass!

His jabs sound very manipulative. Giving back his wedding ring sounds like he is saying to you, "This is your last chance to keep me (your wonderful, caring {for the skank's feelings anyway}, fence-sitting husband) and our marriage". Also, he knows how much your home means to you -- another manipulative threat. Don't let it phase you -- actually, you are in Plan B so don't even listen to it! Erase those messages or have someone else screen them for you -- if it is really important they can let you know.

I hope your moving WH's dresser into the spare room doesn't mean that he still thinks he can move in there. He can't come back! If he comes back and refuses to move out (and without a restraining order, is there much you can do?) I'm afraid you better move out. You can't continue to live like this. You are worth so much more and deserve SO much better than life as it has been. Besides, you have to have a rock solid Plan B...

Please be careful and safe! I'm worried about his anger (which seems to have escalated in the last few months), mood swings, poor impulse control, etc. I was really concerned when I read about him staggering in to pass out on the bed (I'm glad someone was with you). Does he still have his guns? He has now locked you out of the garage -- I think it is definitely time to change those house locks! Think through and know how you are going to handle various scenerios (with little or no conversation) before they have the chance to happen. Be prepared to just leave, go to a friend's house, whatever you have to do -- nothing is more important than your safety. Please take extra good care of yourself!

Enjoy your sunny day and the peace and quiet that comes with Plan B and the lack of a giant crab in your living room (or spare room)!

Big HUG!

SM2

Hi DeNovo....

Don't know if I've seen your name on here before.....but the garage and shed are now open, but the tool cabinet is still locked.

If I really need to get in there, DS says he can cut the lock off.

Hi SM2.....

Rough weekend. Right now, this afternoon, I'm feeling kind of down. Some kind or some stage of grief?

It all feels pretty final. I feel like I really screwed up by not sticking to the first Plan B....everything would probably at least partially resolved by now. At least I would know where I stood by now.

I DO know where I stand.....I stand alone. I feel alone. (this is all just putting of my feelings right now down on paper). I know things will get better - one way or another.

But for right now, I just can't see past this blinding pain in my heart. I don't know if I really felt all of this before.....but it sure is real right now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thanks for listening.

K

Dear K,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!

You have a great family and a lot of friends who are standing firmly behind you...and beside you! (And would willingly throw themselves in front of you if need be). You are also getting some great support and advice on this site. You have some good friends here. And finally, I believe that God will be right beside you as you go through this process. It is natural to feel sad and the multitude of other feelings that come with a situation like this. I think you have been going through a greiving process since at least D-day, in some ways probably for the past 3 years. If this feels more final to you, it seems like the greiving process will move up to a whole new level. It will be tough at times, but you are even tougher! And, you'll never be alone!

Please accept a great, big, hang-in there you're doing great, hug from one of your friends and supporters!!! Get a good night's sleep tonight and be sure to do something nice for yourself tomorrow. It sounds like getting your nails done and a little home improvement were a big boost. Keep taking care of yourself like that! Hey, didn't you used to do yoga? This might be a good time to get in lots of calm, deep breathing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good night!

PS -- Joshua 1:5 (last part), 9

Hi SM2....

Thanks so much for your support. I don't know what I would do without that.

Tonight, while cleaning up after dinner, I began noticing some of the things WH took with him when he left.

All of the vitamins. Thanks.

A glass with the name of a restaurant at the beach which was one of our favorite finds. He took OW there last summer to celebrate his being a "free man".

I always thought that glass was from that time (he brought it home with him when he moved back from his apartment in Oct.).

Now, I'm sure that is when he got it. Must mean a lot to him for him to take it with him. (His wedding ring must mean nothing, since he left it here).

Things like this make me feel betrayed, lied to, deceived and sad all over again.

Also makes me angry at myself that I never brought it up. Several other things that he had I'm sure OW gave him.

Yoga sounds good. Some sweat and deep breathing sounds cathartic. So does throwing up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks, SM2......no words can express my thanks to you...

K

Working does really seem to keep my mind off of things.

I AM feeling better today. I expect this will go up and down.

Hopefully the peaks and valleys will even out with time.

Still have not heard one peep from WH. Good. The more I think about everything, the more I think he has truly lost his mind!

WHATEVER!!!!

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well as long as he finds it before he comes back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You sound so much better now that he is gone. You must have been dang ready this time, eh?

The first three weeks I went no contact I thought I would die. That was last summer. I am doing so good now.

He has tried to get back with me a couple of times in that half assed way of his and it doesn't even phase me anymore.

He's trying again now and I hope he doesn't meet all my demands because I don't want to feel obligated to give it another go anymore.

I see you getting to the same place I am at. And it feels good K.

Hi Weaver.....

I do hope one day to be at a place where I do feel good every day.

I have seen the pattern again.....Plan B, WH calls and calls. I don't answer, then he gets angry and starts threatening me. Then he apologizes.

I could go on and on. It was almost comical to watch both this Friday and Saturday.

His surly attitude "trying to work things out". When that didn't work, he would start blaming me for everything. When that didn't work, he would get all lovey dovey.

When that didn't work, he just left. But not before asking me if I would have sex with him "one last time".

I DON'T THINK SO!!!!!

I'm not putting up with this kind of crap all the time. It's like dealing with a small child.

Throw a tantrum if you don't get your way.

I REALLY DO FEEL BETTER NOW!!!!

Thanks, Weaver!

K <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay, so here I am 4 days later.

Feeling much better this morning. Worked out last night. Felt good to sweat and get my heart rate up.

I am truly amazed as each day passes how much better I feel again.

I don't even think about snooping, suspicion, and other such garbage. This is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Now, I'm thinking ahead.....going from thinking "What will I do this weekend" to the much more positive "What SHALL I do this weekend.

There's lots to do....and I feel a freedom of sorts....to do those things. With joy. With pleasure. Without a dark cloud dragging me down.

This is a good step for me!

K