Any advice is appreciated. I cannot let it go. Every time I start to feel better, I let myself fall back into the hole! I keep reliving everything, and thinking about the same events over and over! This is not helping my life! I broke down yesterday and told him I couldn't do this anymore. He was very strong and very positive, which helped, but I have this nagging feeling that I can't stop thinking about what he did. It all started from this e mail he sent me. Am I over-reacting?????

I had sent him an e-mail asking if he was OK, because when I had talked to him on the way to work, he seemed very distracted. Here is what he sent back:


I’m ok. I do feel a little off though. I get a little cautious the better things get – it’s a bad mentality, but it’s hard to shake. Also, I was thinking of her this morning. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to think about what I was thinking before I did. I want you to understand – I don’t miss her, and I wasn’t thinking about being with her. For some reason this morning though, I was thinking about how she’s doing…I was thinking that I hope she’s doing ok. I think this kind of goes back to that grief/guilt thing I read in your book. The thought is gone now.


Is this normal? Am I making too much of this? I feel like we were doing so good, and then I get this e-mail, and it's like it makes all the good stuff seem fake. If anyone has felt this, and has suggestions on how to get through it, any advice is appreciated.

limi

Yes this is normal. Think of it this way. Have you ever had a friend that was really close to you? Then one day one of you moved. You were seperated but you still had those feelings for them. As time passed those feeling subsided. Some day he will not think of her. But before that happens he will most likely have a bad feeling when he does. His guilt and shame will eventually cause him to see her as something bad that happened to him. That is why you must follow plan A on this site. It helps build up the love between you and your H. As this builds up he will begain to dislike her. I hope this helped you. Blessings.

RHM

Of course we all never want them to think of the OP again. Of course they will. I actually think it is a positive sign that he is telling you and that he wants to let you in on his thought process. I wish my WW would do that! I think that is what kills me the most, is that I can't tell what is going on in her head and she doesn't share it.

Your feelings are normal. I have stopped thinking about OM all the time, and it starts to fade.

I totally agree.....rejoice in knowing that he is being honest with you!!! My H told me similar things, and although it HURT like *ell, I found that he was being honest for the first time in months. That is a very good thing!!!!
Take heart, that we have all been there where you are, and feel the same way.

You have 2 threads of the same. so I pasted this from the other reply.


Lima, I would consider this email good. He feels comfortable letting you know his feelings, don't make him regret it. Be strong. this is what you are working towards, he told YOU what he was thinking, not her! Yes it may hurt, but WOW, he let you know. Think about this.

Thanks for the responses. I guess I never thought of it the way you guys are thinking of it, and that does make me feel a lot better. It's just so hard not to let it get to me, and to be strong. I find myself so emotional, and sometimes it just spills out. Thanks again. I will make sure I go home tonight and give him a big hug. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />