I just can't let this go! It sucks. Everytime I start to feel good, I let my fall back into that angry, sad, heartbroken place! I had such a breakdown yesterday, and told him I couldn't do this anymore. He was so strong, and just held me while I sobbed uncontrollably. (it's been six months! Is this normal?) and it all started from an e-mail he sent me.

I had sent him an e-mail asking him if he was Ok, because he seemed a little down when I called him in the morning...and this was his response:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I’m ok. I do feel a little off though. I get a little cautious the better things get – it’s a bad mentality, but it’s hard to shake. Also, I was thinking of her this morning. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to think about what I was thinking before I did. I want you to understand – I don’t miss her, and I wasn’t thinking about being with her. For some reason this morning though, I was thinking about how she’s doing…I was thinking that I hope she’s doing ok. I think this kind of goes back to that grief/guilt thing I read in your book. The thought is gone now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this normal? Am I over-reacting? I can't stand not trusting that he will be there for me, but I can't stop thinking that he still wants her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Lima, I would consider this email good. He feels comfortable letting you know his feelings, don't make him regret it. Be strong. this is what you are working towards, he told YOU what he was thinking, not her! Yes it may hurt, but WOW, he let you know. Think about this.

LIMI- Give yourself time. It's been 18months (give or take a few weeks) and I still have my good days and bad days. At least YOUR FWH is willing to talk about things. Mine wants to keep things buried. I started IC today and my counselor says that I'm normal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

limi - perhaps some perspective is in order.

This is the first post of yours I have read, but it sounds like:

- your H has ended the affair
- he's reading some book you provided
- he's communicating thoughts with you

I presume there's more details that suggest you have an excellent opportunity to recover your marriage.

Do you realize how many people on this forum would trade places with you right his minute - no questions asked?

I do not mean to invalidate your pain - quite the contrary. I'm merely suggesting that your unhappiness scale may need calibrating. Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of being.

Please read around this forum to see how fortunate you are. Maybe from this you will begin to recognize some happiness you already have.