MCB,
Your WS is still babbling. Notice how all his comments are still about him. Let him know that this ME-ism attitude of his stinks. If everyone displayed that attitude, ask him where does he think the world w/b? Of course, many do display Me-ism and that contributes to the selfish acts including adultery that runs so rampant in the world today.
As for your RB lines, well you got it started but may need a bit more practice. Check it out by practicing in the mirror. Your response was good if he was logical and NOT in the fog. You have to get into the mind set of WHO you are speaking to. RB when you are speaking to the WS and speak normal when you are speaking to your H. Plan A helps you communicate with your H in a safer manner, RB helps you communicate with the WS w/o letting him leave anything negative or any guilt trips on your lap. You get to give back his babble to him. At least that's my theory and how I used it.
Here's an example:
ws: counselors and books are horsehockey, no one can tell me how or why I feel.
BS: Well if they are, there are sure a lot of horses leaving their schitz lying around. In other words, I personally have seen your own babble uttered in detail by other WS. You may feel unique but you are just following a very disgusting script.
WS: doesn't doubt that alot of adulterers follow certain patterns BUT..... why couldn't it be that the WS has fallen out of love with their spouse (in my case he claims 3 years....I really don't believe it) I am adament about that and in that time I tried to be "in love" with my W but couldn't do it....(incidently, he never told me, I only found out on Dday)...
BS: Ok, well at least we agree you are not unique. Could it be that you have falled out of love with your W and family? Ok, let's follow that thought, tell me when it was? d/d? No. 1 year ago? Hm.... (after or if the time is identified, get mad and tell him why didn't he tell you then, why wait until d/d?). If this was such a good thing, why didn't he share it with you?
Note: You will be on a roll at RB at this point so you will have to temper your questions and limit it to a few key ones. Remember the WS can't process much in the fog so keep the questions few and direct. Then sit back and let him digest it. It may take a few days or weeks to get an answer. This is where you have to learn patience. This piece you do have to practice ahead of time.
WS: I was trying to protect my W because I had no reason to be out of love) and that OW & I simply have found someone else to love.
BS: Protect me? Let's see if this makes sense...... This illustration is less than our worth but let's see if your WS logic works....
Illustration: You have a home, bought and paid for. Many improvements and $$ has been invested into it...... No reason to sell it, the entire family is happy and content with the style and functality of the home. A few improvements c/b made but nothing serious.
One day you drive by another house.....needs repairs, owner is behind in the payments, lawn is full of weeds and the garbage in the back yard is reeking from dog poop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Now explain why you would grab your clothes, abandon your family and move into this home absorb all it's financial diasters, not fix the yard or the house but live in it as is?
(Step back and let this picture sink into his mind. Remember it is not about the new owner, he becomes the new owner of this mess).
If he says because he wants the challenge of fixing up the mess, let him know it is a zone where the land is eroding and soon the house w/b condemmed anyway. Is it really worth it at all costs?
See RB gives back the guilt. Sometimes you can giva vivid lessons and then the BS has to step back and let the WS think. It is good when the WS thinks because the A wants stupid people who run on their emotions and don't use their brains (except for creating chaos). Just like the Devil, he likes to play on people's emotions then have them create the chaos. All the while he sits back and laughs.
The BS needs t/b smarter than this. One of the thing the OP tells the WS is to 'listen to their heart'. The one thing the BS needs to do when dealing with the WS is to get them to activate their 'gray cells'. Get their brain working instead of their emotions.
Hope this makes sense.
L.
