I'm a married woman who's husband finds nothing wrong with me being with another man as long as it's just for "fun". But recently I was with another man and I feel love toward him so now I'm forbidden to ever see him again. I guess the whole scenario probably sounds strange to most of you????? Please don't preach to me, I'm not a religous person. Why would my husband think it's OK as long as there are no feelings? Maybe this isn't really the right forum for such a question.

Here's my 2 cents...

Becoz "some" men/women can separate love/sex...

My WH can have sex w/many OW and still stayed M to me..heck, he may even love me alittle..

Yet, since he knows my personality - he knows that should I have sex it will be because I have strong feelings towards the person. That I could fall in love and leave him..

Some men/women are in it for the sex only

Is your husband a WH?? Is he having sexual relations outside of your M?

My Husband is not having relationships outside of our marriage. Yes I suppose that he's worried that I will leave him for this other man but what I fear is that if I'm banned from ever seeing this other man, It could actually drive me to leave my husband and I wasn't planning to before I was banned???????? Crazy...I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

HBR,

That's why IMO open relationships are so dangerous. Please don't take this as judgmental because that is NOT my intent, but in my view the intent of marriage is to declare your commitment to each other.

I would recommend that first you break it off with OM because of the fact that you have broken the boundaries you mutually agreed to in your relationship. Then in the light of what happened I hope you and your husband can re-evaluate those boundaries and consider the obvious danger to your relationship presented when either one of you engages in intimate (even if only physical) relationships with people outside your marriage.

Just my thoughts.

I wish you the best,

Cruz

Why would my husband think it's OK as long as there are no feelings?

Isn't the real question why do YOU think its OK..

why would you disregard marriage
and fidelity
so flippanty..

why would you put YOURSELF in that position?

ARK

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HereByRequest:

I could have been you two years ago. No. I was you.

After years of coping with a flagging sex drive, my husband also told me to go play with others. I did. Disaster followed.

Like you, I fell head-over-heels with the other man. He seemed to be everything my husband was not. He was ambitious where my husband was not, well-educated while my husband was not, and yes, sexual, whereas my husband was not.

Before you know it, I was telling my husband to move out (our lease was expiring) and I was making plans to move in with the other guy. I can't tell you how many tears were shed, both by my husband and me, as this drama carried out over about six months.

You said:
I'm a married woman who's husband finds nothing wrong with me being with another man as long as it's just for "fun".

That's how he feels. Or felt. But what about you?

What was it like for you to hear your husband tell you to go somewhere else for affection? Did it sting you? It sure did me.

Do you extend the same offer to him? Is he allowed to be with other women? If not, why not? And if not, why doesn't the same standard apply to you?

But recently I was with another man and I feel love toward him so now I'm forbidden to ever see him again.

So, in other words, sex is only permissible when you feel nothing for the other person. Are you down with that? Or do you see something wrong here. And does your husband, now, see something wrong with it, too?

Please don't preach to me, I'm not a religous person.

I can respect that. In fact, religion need not enter into it.

Even if you put aside all ideas about G-d and laws and commandments, it's still dangerous at best, and utterly wrong at worst. Why? People get hurt. Easily. You're headed that way.

Why would my husband think it's OK as long as there are no feelings?

We can all guess, but that's a question you really need to ask him. What does he say?

(edited to add: Go ahead and contact me if you like, since I've been there. cosmovanb@yahoo.com)

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: wiegee ]</small>