Ok...I'm sure lots of you feel this way...
I am sooooooooooo lonely!!!!! D-Day was July 20 and my STBX has been gone for almost 10 months!
I have met a couple of men....through friends and that's as far as it has gone. JUST FRIENDS!!! I am finding myself wanting to go out with someone and get on with my life. I just hate being so alone all the time. Does anyone have any advice? What do you do to keep from feeling like this?
One of the guys that I have met is a really good freind of my best freind and very nice. He tells her he is interested in me but will not ask me out until I'm divorced. I totally respect that!!!! I just find myself wanting to go out and have dinner with someone. Is it ok to just go out and have dinner as friends? I'm getting divorced and there is no hope for recovery.....I can't wait to be divorced.
Ok....no 2X4's please!!!!!!!

Trish, how many WS here used 'loneliness' as an excuse to chuck their M vows out ?

Its YOUR life, and you do what YOU think is best. Just know that waiting till you're divorced ( or miraculously reconciled) will keep you guilt free.

And are you in a place where you can have a healthy R with another man ?

DO what you think is right darl'.

{{{tree}}}

First,
From one TR to Another ....I'm sorry to learn you feel your losing your fight with despair and loneliness.

Wish I could magically "cheer you up"........but unfortunately, I don't posses that power.

Hope you'll settle for a MBer hug instead *{{{[[[((((TR))))]]]}}}*

However, I did see a Ray of Sunshine in that post.

If you were to be "interested" in this male friend who IS interested in you (and why wouldn't he be?).......well as you SEE that he Respects the concept of marriage (and its boundaries) ......that's a heck of a place to start with someone (even if he's not a MBer himself).

Most guys tend to be after (you know what)....especially when they KNOW a woman is D or in the process.
This guy is already in the upper percentile (at least in my book).

Also as this guy does seems to have good / decent morals and values.....that reflects Highly on you as well...........That you are attracting this sort of Person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care (this too shall pass).

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 11:22 AM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

I think if you want to have a platonic relationship that is limited to dinner, it is fine. I know that for me, that is all I am capable of at this time. I will not enter into a romantic relationship until I have shed the baggage from my current sitch. I could not do that to another person. It would be unfair for me to bring that baggage to another relationship, and ultimately, I am still legally married.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok....no 2X4's please!!!!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">shucks .... there goes my post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

You are at least doing the right thing in starting to go out with men. "Just friends" may be all that is right for you at present. When it feels right to go farther, you will know.

Some people have a problem with dating before the D is final. In my experience, it's better to wait. Why rush things? IMHO, that's a great indicator that this man has respect for you and a level of maturity that, sadly, some men lack.

After my D I didn't date anyone for about 6 months and was really quite happy. But I found that I wanted more in my life than making sure I was stocked up on Cheerios for when my girls were over, so I put an ad out on a personals site.

As I'm sure you know, dating again was very scary. I met a lot of very nice women. And the first time (after 18 years) I kissed someone "goodnight", I was so terrified I thought I'd pass out. But you know, it does a world of good to know that someone finds you attractive.

There ARE good, single men out there. I met a wonderful divorced woman (her ex cheated on her) through an online dating site. You just have to take your time and never, ever lower your standards. She has been divorced for 10 years and dating for 7 years before she met me.

The thing is, you can't sit at home and expect the person of your dreams to find you. You have to take chances sometimes. You have to risk a little to gain a little.

Best of luck to you.
ITB

TreeReich
It sure is tough being alone during the separation period before the divorce is final. Many years ago when my first marriage ended in divorce I had three children to take care of, one still an infant of 11 months. Even with all the responsibility and company three children can give a parent still craves adult companionship of the opposite sex. Just to talk, and be there once and awhile would of been good enough.
Anyway be strong, work on rebuilding yourself and use this time to find the real you.
You know, the beautiful lady inside with great virtue, who's knight in shining armor will arrive some day and sweep you off your feet!

SM

Bob....I'm not interested in a serious relationship right now. I just want to go out to dinner and have freinds. I will stay faithful to my vows until I'm divorced.

TR...thanks for the hug. I agree....this man is a very respectful person and has morals and values. I think that's what attracts me to him.

Crushedin Texas... I know...I am still legally married and will act that way.

Pep....ok...go ahead with the 2X4's. I do value your opinion.


Into the black....I can't even imagine kissing someone esle right now. I think I would pass out. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Silent Missy....yea..I'm working on myself right now. I actually like myself very much and know I will be just fine. You are right....when the time is right my prince charming will come and sweep me off my feet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich* ]</small>

Sweetie

I really don't have a single thing to say that even resembles a 2X4 ... I was just funnin ya ...

You're doing just fine.

Pep

{{{{{{TR}}}}}}}

This ain't gonna last forever, hon.

dewt

TreeReich,
I know how it can be waiting and wanting companionship. I hoped and prayed for a long time for my marriage to be reconciled, but in the end, DV was the answer. Its only been 2 months since the DV but I waited almost 1 1/2 years before I called it quits. I thought the day I got a DV, I'd go out with as many women as I could go out with. I've been on 1 date since then. Sometimes it sounds easier than it really is. I just wasn't really ready and don't know if I'm still not ready or not. I am supposed to go out again next weekend, but I'll have to see how that goes...

I'm glad I waited. I don't have any regrets about what I've done. Yes, I'm still lonely but I kinda like having my free will to choose if I want to date or not...

On the other side of this, I have a lot of friends at work. If it weren't for them, I'd have been in a rough spot. I hope you take this time and spend with friends and family. When the DV is final, go out without any regrets. You'll be glad you waited...

Pep...thanks...I'm doing the best I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dewt...thanks! I know this won't last forever....it just seems like eternity.

lost-without-her.....You are right. I know I would feel awful If something were to happen before I'm divorced. I am enjoying being alone right now and finidng ME. I do know that I have a lot to offer someone and I'm a good, honest and loyal person and there is someone out there who will appreciate that one day.