My husband told me that he would go to the bar and find a girl to have fun this summer when I visit my family in overseas with my 3 children. Having fun means probably getting sexual pleasure from the girl. He told me not to worry about giving a disease to me. I just gave a birth 2 month ago. At the last month of my pregnancy, he asked me if he could go out (means to find a girl at the bar), but I stopped him because the baby was due anytime. There is a pattern here. He goes out with his married twin brother to the bar and gets girls and do something with them. The last time he went out was about 6 month ago.
I am very unhappy and want to stop getting hurt repeatedly. I have three children 6, 3 and 2 months. I don't know if I should divorce him or I should stay. He is a very good father and makes good money. We have a nice house in a good school district. My love bank is very low. He says that he doesn't get what he want from me and I don't care about him. I do care about him. Perhaps I am not doing it right for him. He agrees with Dr. Harley's book "HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS". He wants to stay in marriage for children, but he doesn't care about me. He said that I didn't do to damage him or do anything for him. I don't know if I can stay with him anymore, or it's worth trying Dr. Harley's method. Right now, he doesn't have a girl friend. He is asking me to take 10 weeks vacation in overseas with my children but I am not interesting in leaving the country now since he told me that he would cheat. We have been married for 13 years. I need to hear your opinions.

Welcome to MB lucky. I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, no one should have to go through what you are going through now.

It would help to know a little more about your situation, such as ages, marital history, how long has your H's been displaying this wayward behavior, etc.

In my mere opinion you need to figure out what YOU want for yourself and your children. Make a decision a stand on it firm. Weigh the pro's and con's (and there always are when children are involved).

Read as much as you can on the useful information given on MB, by Dr. Harley and others. I maybe wrong, please correct me if I am, it sounds like you might have some low self-esteem problems to deal with.

Is it possible that you underestimate your worth as a valuable human being, worthy of respect from your H as his W and the mother of his children, to say the least?

If low self-esteem is the problem then it would be a good idea to start there. You will find time and time again that we can't look to others to make a difference in OUR lives, it is up to US to change the direction of our OWN lives.

But I encourage you to stay here at MB until you get your break through, we are all here for you!

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

Accidently posted the same thing twice.
****delete****

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: white_dove777 ]</small>

Well, at least he has explained what he plans on doing. There is no sneaking or subterfuge with your H so you know what you are dealing with.

Now, you must decide if you can accept him how he is or not. Because you cannot change him.

He can change if he wants, but it sounds like he likes himself just how he is.