Ok....a friend of mine just called me and said she saw my STBX and the OW. The OW looked my friend in the eyes and smiled. My friend said she looked at her with a look like she was trying to instigate something or just to make sure she knew she was with my STBX. It just totally pi$$es me off and also makes me sad. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to go punch the OW in the face. How do I deal with this kind of crap????

Hi - well first you don't deal with it... It has nothing to do with you ... Sooner or later - well meaning friends are not gonna tell you that they bump into ex and ow - my exhusbands ow happens to still be my next door neighbor - and believe you me it is hard when he goes over there - or if I have to even look at her - but with time - you start to think - ok who cares they deserve each other - they lie and they cheat - who needs them... Though it is hard - and as you know somedays are worse than others - but really there is nothing you can do about it - so therefore - don't let it get control of you... I still have a hard time taking my own advice - but for instance - my ex saw my sister and brother in law - they didn't tell me - because they didnt' think that I needed to know that my ex and the ow where at a restaurant that I very well could have been at - but - my ex still found a way to tell me - to screw with my head - but I didn't let it get to me... The sad thing is that you cannot do anything about it - and the time is gonna come when you are not even gonna give them a second thought - when I don't know - but I do know that it gets better - really it does....

Hi - well first you don't deal with it... It has nothing to do with you ... Sooner or later - well meaning friends are not gonna tell you that they bump into ex and ow - my exhusbands ow happens to still be my next door neighbor - and believe you me it is hard when he goes over there - or if I have to even look at her - but with time - you start to think - ok who cares they deserve each other - they lie and they cheat - who needs them... Though it is hard - and as you know somedays are worse than others - but really there is nothing you can do about it - so therefore - don't let it get control of you... I still have a hard time taking my own advice - but for instance - my ex saw my sister and brother in law - they didn't tell me - because they didnt' think that I needed to know that my ex and the ow where at a restaurant that I very well could have been at - but - my ex still found a way to tell me - to screw with my head - but I didn't let it get to me... The sad thing is that you cannot do anything about it - and the time is gonna come when you are not even gonna give them a second thought - when I don't know - but I do know that it gets better - really it does....

Thanks maw64! I needed to hear that. I know in time none of this will bother me. I do look forward to that day.
I guess it just bothers me that he's being so blatant about it. What if that had been me and my son next to them? I truly don't know what I would have done.

Do you have kids? How do you deal with your ex seeing the neighbor? How do your kids deal with it, if you have any?

Thanks maw64! I needed to hear that. I know in time none of this will bother me. I do look forward to that day.
I guess it just bothers me that he's being so blatant about it. What if that had been me and my son next to them? I truly don't know what I would have done.

Do you have kids? How do you deal with your ex seeing the neighbor? How do your kids deal with it, if you have any?

Actually mine is a sad and twisted tale... The OW has two boys ages 10 and 14 now - and I have two girls ages - 12 and soon to be 15 - my girls do not have a great relationship with their dad - and of course according to him it is all my fault - as is the fact the OW's kids give her a hard time and don't like my ex... All of the kids involved do not really talk to each other at all... My kids do not talk to the OW - But they are deeply affected when they have friends over and their dad happens to drive into the next door neighbors yard to visit.. I will say he doesn't go over there much - but still in my book - once is one time to many - there have been times when my kids have stared out the window watching their dad in the next door neighbors back yard -helping her sons... Again it isn't pretty - but all in all they are great kids and somehow deal... The fact that their father and his girlfriend - have the we deserve to be happy - blah blah blah - they have lied to all people involved for a few years now - and still somewhat keep their relationship under wraps - Like for instance - her parents and his mother really don't know they are going out - they know but they have never actually been told... We have gone to Walmart before - saw her (OW) in the store - then on the way home their dad would call and say he was at Walmart like to see if they had seen him - but we thankfully have never really all come face to face... believe it or not... But when dealing with ex's that can only see what is best for themselves.. They truly do not believe they are doing anything that would hurt anyone - they think that because the kids won't accept them as a couple - then it must be me the exwife or her exhusbands fault - never the fault of the two people - that ripped apart two families... Gee why would their kids be angry - their dad is sleeping with their mothers friend - and neighbor - go figure... But it does hurt somedays truly it does - but it is a different hurt now.. I mean I used to be up all hours of the night wondering if she was coming home and such - and now - I don't care that they are together - Don't get me wrong I still care "what they put me through" and I care how my kids feel about the situation ... But as for the two of them - I honestly think they deserve each other... I mean she isn't working with a full deck - in like September now we had been divorced two years at this time - she made copies of cards from him and put them in all of my neighbors mailboxes saying - well will "maw64" stop blaming "OW" for the actions and feelings of her exhusband - for absolutely no reason - ??? So it is really a tough situation - I just hope for the day - that the two of them come clean with everyone in their lives and move in together far away from me and my girls....

Actually mine is a sad and twisted tale... The OW has two boys ages 10 and 14 now - and I have two girls ages - 12 and soon to be 15 - my girls do not have a great relationship with their dad - and of course according to him it is all my fault - as is the fact the OW's kids give her a hard time and don't like my ex... All of the kids involved do not really talk to each other at all... My kids do not talk to the OW - But they are deeply affected when they have friends over and their dad happens to drive into the next door neighbors yard to visit.. I will say he doesn't go over there much - but still in my book - once is one time to many - there have been times when my kids have stared out the window watching their dad in the next door neighbors back yard -helping her sons... Again it isn't pretty - but all in all they are great kids and somehow deal... The fact that their father and his girlfriend - have the we deserve to be happy - blah blah blah - they have lied to all people involved for a few years now - and still somewhat keep their relationship under wraps - Like for instance - her parents and his mother really don't know they are going out - they know but they have never actually been told... We have gone to Walmart before - saw her (OW) in the store - then on the way home their dad would call and say he was at Walmart like to see if they had seen him - but we thankfully have never really all come face to face... believe it or not... But when dealing with ex's that can only see what is best for themselves.. They truly do not believe they are doing anything that would hurt anyone - they think that because the kids won't accept them as a couple - then it must be me the exwife or her exhusbands fault - never the fault of the two people - that ripped apart two families... Gee why would their kids be angry - their dad is sleeping with their mothers friend - and neighbor - go figure... But it does hurt somedays truly it does - but it is a different hurt now.. I mean I used to be up all hours of the night wondering if she was coming home and such - and now - I don't care that they are together - Don't get me wrong I still care "what they put me through" and I care how my kids feel about the situation ... But as for the two of them - I honestly think they deserve each other... I mean she isn't working with a full deck - in like September now we had been divorced two years at this time - she made copies of cards from him and put them in all of my neighbors mailboxes saying - well will "maw64" stop blaming "OW" for the actions and feelings of her exhusband - for absolutely no reason - ??? So it is really a tough situation - I just hope for the day - that the two of them come clean with everyone in their lives and move in together far away from me and my girls....

Actually mine is a sad and twisted tale... The OW has two boys ages 10 and 14 now - and I have two girls ages - 12 and soon to be 15 - my girls do not have a great relationship with their dad - and of course according to him it is all my fault - as is the fact the OW's kids give her a hard time and don't like my ex... All of the kids involved do not really talk to each other at all... My kids do not talk to the OW - But they are deeply affected when they have friends over and their dad happens to drive into the next door neighbors yard to visit.. I will say he doesn't go over there much - but still in my book - once is one time to many - there have been times when my kids have stared out the window watching their dad in the next door neighbors back yard -helping her sons... Again it isn't pretty - but all in all they are great kids and somehow deal... The fact that their father and his girlfriend - have the we deserve to be happy - blah blah blah - they have lied to all people involved for a few years now - and still somewhat keep their relationship under wraps - Like for instance - her parents and his mother really don't know they are going out - they know but they have never actually been told... We have gone to Walmart before - saw her (OW) in the store - then on the way home their dad would call and say he was at Walmart like to see if they had seen him - but we thankfully have never really all come face to face... believe it or not... But when dealing with ex's that can only see what is best for themselves.. They truly do not believe they are doing anything that would hurt anyone - they think that because the kids won't accept them as a couple - then it must be me the exwife or her exhusbands fault - never the fault of the two people - that ripped apart two families... Gee why would their kids be angry - their dad is sleeping with their mothers friend - and neighbor - go figure... But it does hurt somedays truly it does - but it is a different hurt now.. I mean I used to be up all hours of the night wondering if she was coming home and such - and now - I don't care that they are together - Don't get me wrong I still care "what they put me through" and I care how my kids feel about the situation ... But as for the two of them - I honestly think they deserve each other... I mean she isn't working with a full deck - in like September now we had been divorced two years at this time - she made copies of cards from him and put them in all of my neighbors mailboxes saying - well will "maw64" stop blaming "OW" for the actions and feelings of her exhusband - for absolutely no reason - ??? So it is really a tough situation - I just hope for the day - that the two of them come clean with everyone in their lives and move in together far away from me and my girls....

Actually mine is a sad and twisted tale... The OW has two boys ages 10 and 14 now - and I have two girls ages - 12 and soon to be 15 - my girls do not have a great relationship with their dad - and of course according to him it is all my fault - as is the fact the OW's kids give her a hard time and don't like my ex... All of the kids involved do not really talk to each other at all... My kids do not talk to the OW - But they are deeply affected when they have friends over and their dad happens to drive into the next door neighbors yard to visit.. I will say he doesn't go over there much - but still in my book - once is one time to many - there have been times when my kids have stared out the window watching their dad in the next door neighbors back yard -helping her sons... Again it isn't pretty - but all in all they are great kids and somehow deal... The fact that their father and his girlfriend - have the we deserve to be happy - blah blah blah - they have lied to all people involved for a few years now - and still somewhat keep their relationship under wraps - Like for instance - her parents and his mother really don't know they are going out - they know but they have never actually been told... We have gone to Walmart before - saw her (OW) in the store - then on the way home their dad would call and say he was at Walmart like to see if they had seen him - but we thankfully have never really all come face to face... believe it or not... But when dealing with ex's that can only see what is best for themselves.. They truly do not believe they are doing anything that would hurt anyone - they think that because the kids won't accept them as a couple - then it must be me the exwife or her exhusbands fault - never the fault of the two people - that ripped apart two families... Gee why would their kids be angry - their dad is sleeping with their mothers friend - and neighbor - go figure... But it does hurt somedays truly it does - but it is a different hurt now.. I mean I used to be up all hours of the night wondering if she was coming home and such - and now - I don't care that they are together - Don't get me wrong I still care "what they put me through" and I care how my kids feel about the situation ... But as for the two of them - I honestly think they deserve each other... I mean she isn't working with a full deck - in like September now we had been divorced two years at this time - she made copies of cards from him and put them in all of my neighbors mailboxes saying - well will "maw64" stop blaming "OW" for the actions and feelings of her exhusband - for absolutely no reason - ??? So it is really a tough situation - I just hope for the day - that the two of them come clean with everyone in their lives and move in together far away from me and my girls....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich*:
<strong> Ok....a friend of mine just called me and said she saw my STBX and the OW. The OW looked my friend in the eyes and smiled. My friend said she looked at her with a look like she was trying to instigate something or just to make sure she knew she was with my STBX. It just totally pi$$es me off and also makes me sad. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to go punch the OW in the face. How do I deal with this kind of crap???? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While I understand your anger, in your case I would be wanting to punch your WH right in the face. Either way, someday you will think of them as pathetic turds and laugh when you see them or hear of them.

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. DId anyone ever tell you that you look like Princess DI. It is an uncanny resemblance I must say.

Hey Trish:

Yep - "bumping" into WH and OW is bound to happen sooner or later. I know you want to punch OW in the face - but she is certainly not worth it. And WH would've found someone else anyway.

I'm actually looking forward to bumping into WXW and OM somewhere. As OM and OMW were family friends, whenever I see WXW and OM together; I plan to walk up, say hello and ask where OMW is and how she's doing. WXW will get pi$$ed big time and I will be grinning like a cheshire cat! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So, how do you deal with this? With the biggest grin you can muster. (Don't let em see you sweat!!!) Say: "Hey there OW, you're not quite like I pictured. Have a great day!" And then simply walk away, still grinning. (Then go in the ladies room and puke your insides out!)

Trust me - they will not have a clue what to say or do!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FR

maw64...WOW!!! I seriously don't know how you do it. I give you credit!!! Seems to me you are better off and deserve better!!!

lemonman....I do think they are pathetic. GAG!!!! I look forward to the day when I can see him and have no feeling what so ever.

LOL>...yes...I've been told many times that I look like Princess Di. I actually had someone tell me I should try to go into look alike modeling. Hmmmmmmm...

Fishracer....I was thinking of saying "Wow...you are ugly." and then walk away. That is if I ever run into them which I'm sure I will eventually! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

maw64...WOW!!! I seriously don't know how you do it. I give you credit!!! Seems to me you are better off and deserve better!!!

lemonman....I do think they are pathetic. GAG!!!! I look forward to the day when I can see him and have no feeling what so ever.

LOL>...yes...I've been told many times that I look like Princess Di. I actually had someone tell me I should try to go into look alike modeling. Hmmmmmmm...

Fishracer....I was thinking of saying "Wow...you are ugly." and then walk away. That is if I ever run into them which I'm sure I will eventually! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tree - Wow what is up with this everytime I post it doubles or triples and you seem to be having the same problems.... lol... And really somedays it is tough - like today for instance the OW is outside walking her dog holding her head through my neighborhood like she is wonderful when all I want to do is get in my car and run her over - yet I don't let that ever get the better of me... I usually keep the blinds closed at all times... sad but true.... But really you are beautiful and it is his loss - and someday - I hope that I actually wake up and want to call and thank my ex for letting me go because I am the happiest I have ever been - so I am hoping that for you also....

maw64...LOL..yea..I feel the same way sometimes. I saw my STBX at my son's game last night and I wanted to pick up a bat and beat him like a pinata! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I'm so sorry that you have to live right next to this awful person who helped ruin your marriage. That must be very painful to see her. I don't know how you do it. I would have to run outside and torture her everyday until she moved. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I think we will both find happiness again and be able to thank our ex's for showing us what [censored]es they are. My uncle did this to my aunt and she thanked him after several years for doing what he did. She told him that she realized how happy she could be and was grateful that she was no longer with him. He just sat there looking at her with his mouth open. Apparently he wasn't happy that she was so happy without him. HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

I know how hard it is to run into STBX and OW. This happened to me twice in two different places - but luckily I was with a friend who saw them first and I was able to continue to look in a different direction until he saw me and left. To this day (it's been over a year), I have never seen OW. I am sure I won't handle it well when I do.

But in this case, you didn't actually run into them - your friend did and told you about it. That happened to me frequently as well. I'm not sure why people felt they had to tell me about it - I know they meant well, but it didn't help me. I asked friends nicely not to tell me when they ran into them at restaurants, on the street, etc. I don't want to focus on them and the information did nothing to help me. Most of my friends have not been in a situation like mine - but once I asked them this, they understood better.

I'm not sure if this suggestion will help you, but it has been the better thing for me.

best wishes

findingstrength.....I was just thinking about that. I'm going to ask my friends not to tell me if they see them. None of my friends have been through what I'm going through so this is all new to them too. I don't think they know how to handle it either. They have all been so supportive and wonderful to me. I don't know where I would be without them. I'm stuck here in FL with no family and surrounded by his.
I hope the day comes when I can have no feeling towards my STBX. I look forward to that!

<small>[ March 16, 2005, 09:17 AM: Message edited by: TreeReich* ]</small>

TreeReich - Actually your friends think they are doing the right thing by telling you - and the funny thing the first time they don't tell you and you find out - you are gonna be hurt because they didn't tell you ... but sooner or later - you will accept that you know what I love that you feel the need to tell me - but really I don't need to know - You know??? As confusing as that sounds - - Now as for having no feelings for him - well I can honestly say that I have no feelings for me ex - the person that he is now - the person that did this to me.. But somedays I still miss the person that I had children with - the person that I shared over half of my life with and that sometimes is hard - you just have to try not to dwell on it... Pack up all of the pictures in a box for your child - put everything away.... And truthfully - I sometimes think well actually I know - if he can to my doorstep today - and told me he was wrong and he was totally sorry - I would still tell him to get lost... But am I over the pain that he put me through - Am I over the destruction of my family - am I over the betrayal - NO - and that sometimes is what bothers me - actually that is what bothers me - beause unfortunately it puts your mind in a tailspin about why wasn't I good enough??? Etc.. and actually being replaced, dumped whatever you call it - is a hard thing to swallow... I really hope that someday I get to where your Aunt is - - I am praying for that day.... This is a horrible thing to live through - I think worse than death because you still have to deal with it you know??? But everyone says we will be stronger for it - and I hope so .. I do know that when and if I fall in love again - it is gonna be a great relationship because I know what I want, what I need - and most importantly what I deserve.... You know??? So you just have to pick up and move on... And I need to take my own advice... lol..

You (WE) will be loved again and in love. I understand what you mean about not wanting the person that he is now, back. I wouldn't take mine back either. I do miss the man I married but now that I look back....did I ever really know this man at all? Maybe he's always been a liar and a cheat and I was just too blind to see it.
I know I am better off without him. I do have to admit though......I do still think he is a very
handsome man. He's 6'5 and weighs about 220. He's very athletic and looks like a model. I do know now that I will never be attracted to that type again. I will now look for someone for their morals and values and personality. When I met my STBX he had all of those qualities but they got lost along the way somewhere.

TreeReich - Oh I can so relate - You stop and wonder oh my god - was my whole marriage a lie - did he do this always and I was just blind to it -did he cheat on me throughtout our marriage and I just was to busy kissing his butt to notice.. Really I think that is the biggest problem - what has happened to our self esteem - or lack thereof - I mean you ask yourself - what the heck did I do to deserve this... And it never helps that they have rewritten your whole entire history together and make you stop and second guess everything - Then in my case - the lack of relationship my ex has with my girls is of course my fault - because I have manipulated them.. It is really a sad situation... and one that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy - though if he was to cheat on the OW or her to cheat on him - that would actually make my life complete - I actually told her one day - in the beginning - that she was nuts - that I was with him for over 15 years and that I would have bet my life that he would never have cheated on me - and now you trust him - what makes you think that he won't do the same to you ???? Though of course I am sure she didn't believe me - because well they are "in love" you know - they are in denial about the kind of people that they are really is what I think..... You can still love a handsome man - just make sure he is a trustworthy man - that puts you and your son and his family at the top of his priority list.....