Brief history...my W had 15 month affair w/her boss (3x a week! Man, I hate doing that mental math.). The A ended when they were caught by a co-worker. And she was fired. And I had to pick her up at work because she lost company vehicle. Yikes. She was forced to admit A then. D-day 1-18-05. Naturally, I was crushed.

She says A was like living two seperate lives...one here, one at work. Can't quite get my arms around that thought, but she's sticking to the story. Did a NC letter several days after discovery, and have not heard from OM (that I'm aware of). So....are my feelings progressing normally? I've listed my concerns next:

1. Initially, the creepy porn movie in head was driving me insane; the images still come and go, but less frequently. Now, I seem to dwell more on the betrayal, the reasons, the mental screwing I got from this.

2. I truly believe my W is committed to our marriage and rebuilding, but in the last week or so I feel like I've come out of a fog and am not so sure about my interest in a future together. I feel like I may not be able to get past the infidelity, the deceit, the lies.

Any input helpful...I seem to have lost my BS handbook!

gunslng44

M - 10/92
A started 9-03
A ended 12-06-04
D-day 1-18-05
3 kids

From what I read here gunsling you are progressing right along about par.

I think it is normal to question your feelings and desire to continue in the marriage once you get to a place where you are no longer operating in victim mode but in a place where you have some power and some choices.

The BS's on here who have recovered say that their marriage is now better than ever. These are the ones whose WS is repentent and willing to give BS what is needed to heal.

I say hang in there and see how you feel in about a year maybe two. Could have the best marriage one could hope for by then.

oh good.

I was getting worried about the funk. I am in about the same stage and feel the same kind of disillusionment. I am pretty sure we have NC now, and I thought I would feel great about that, but it almost feels like an empty gesture. I have yet to see any real remorse from her. It does feel like a step backwards when you go from wanting to do anything to keep her from leaving to accepting the option of a life without her, doesn't it?

Although she has accepted my invitation to look at this site, she is much more affectionate and acting the loving wife now, I still don't know what is going on in her head, I can't forget what she did and the choices she made and it seems like she sure isn't working hard enough to show me she wants to get past it.

BTW, if you find your copy of the BS handbook, send me a copy.

Hi Gunsling,

You are so normal.

Some parallels in our situations:

-My FWH had a work-related A - not with a boss, but the OW was director of a project he was working on.

-My FWH's A was also 15 months long - 2/03-5/04.

-H also said that he was leading 2 seperate lives during the A.

It is completely normal to dwell on the betrayal. It is normal to question the future.

This may sound corny, so roll your eyes, if you must, but it's the truth:

Your W was not herself during the A. Remember those words, 'For better, for worse, in sickness and in health'? Well right now is the 'worse' and 'sickness' time. Your W needs you right now to get her through. The day will come when she will thank you.

Be the man. Be strong. We will help you.

Good luck.
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me-FBS-50 FWH-44 m-20 yrs. 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 Dday-5/8/04 Fog/WD-5/04-9/04 NCltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help