Hi,
Im sorry if this is long , but i need to vent. For anyone who wants to know my history.
My WH left in August. I found out he was having A in November while snooping through his truck. I found syrupy love notes and OW's pic. I confronted him with all this, and he said, im the one who drove him away! He was tired of living in a Dump! Gee with 3 kids, 1 being a baby, my house was'nt always neat, but i tried. He decided to come back home in December and we were going to try to work things out. She turns out to be pregnant, but miscarries in Jan. I don't think she was preg. at all, but WH was totally convinced. Poor Poor OW, All the time i had been trying to make things work, and accepting the pregnacy, he has made no attempt to do anything. He dos'nt hug me or tell me he loves me, he refuses sex with me, except oral. sorry for TMI, He comes and goes as he pleases, drinks alot, comes home 2 or 3 a.m since he came home. He talks angrily to me all the time, points out every little flaw i have. I tried to lay down ground rules, but to no avail. My WH was a very good H before this, and good father. Never the romantic type but a good steady man. This weekend, i see his cell-phone laying on the couch where he has slept since moving back in, and i know it was wrong, but i took it, What i found was enough to make me sick. WH and OW had been exchanging little text messages back and forth, how much they love each other, and she should be by his side not me, It offered no reality of the situation at all, no-one in real life can be that sickening sweet all the time. He was so mad I had "invaded his privacy" but he said he was'nt sleeping with her again, just talking, But he told her he loved her, I feel very hurt , crushed all over again, I now know why he dos'nt tell me he loves me or shows any attentiont to me at all. I did call her cell phone while i had his in my possession.I was hoping she would answer , but did'nt, and i know it was wrong but i left a not-really nice message on it. I refuse to mention her name again, The whole thing makes me sick. I know alot of background on this OW, she is divorced , 17 y. old daughter, she has been fired at her last place of work for sleeping with an inmate. SHe is a RN. SHe has a new yellow fancy Mustang, which i guess my WH thinks is really cool, I drive an old Jeep, with very bald tires. She has a really bad reputation for sleeping around and breaking up marriages, but dumping the guy after divorce. I met her twice, 1 time before PA and 1 time afterwards, she pulled out of the bar where my husband goes all the time and looked at me and my kids standing there and smiled and waved. I wish i had a bazooka at the time.My WH thinks he is 18 again, He will be 35 next month, We have been together for 17 years, married almost 14. Since he has been in this relationship with OW, he has had 1 DUI and spent time in jail. I have 3 children, ages 2 thru 12. They do know to some degree what is going on. my questions are these:
1. WHat should i do now?
2. Is there any hope for my marriage now?
3. Is plan B an option now, Plan A was'nt effective because he did'nt want to work on anything.
4. I would like to drive to her house and beat the crap out of her, is this a good idea?
5. I am so angry at him for decieving me again,
6. How could he declare his love for her while still married to me?
7. How do i get him to see this is all a game to her.
8. WHy do i feel a small bit of peace when i think about him being gone? I know this may sound bad, but things are so unpredictable when he's hear,I have cried until i have no tears left. I just feel really really mad now. i worry constantly about him, and the image of the 2 of them together is driving me crazy. I love him very much,but i think im being an enabler, doormat,
9. Is it normal to finally grow a spine and stand up to him,
10. I want to tell him, he has a choice, if he wants me and his family back, he knows what he has to do,not to come back unless he's ready to commit to this marriage, I feel like at this point i have nothing to lose, i am not sharing my husband, I want him 100% or not at all.. Is this too much.
11. I want him to know i can make it on my own if i have to, i would rather have him at my side, but the lies and the contact with OW has got to end.
12. AM i crazy??????
thanks guys...I needed to vent...
13. I work 6 days a week and attend college 5 days a week. Im exausted over all this, i can't concentrate on my school work, i just need peace.

Good heavens. You have to save yourself. It is no surprise that you feel a small bit of peace when you contemplate his exit from your life.

Plan B, Plan B, Plan B!!!!

No, don't go beat up the OW. It would only feel good during, and cause a lot of trouble later, and your kids need you.

No, you are not crazy--in fact, I was amazed at how sane you appear to be given all that is going on.

There is no way of knowing whether there is hope for your marriage at this point but IMHO you need to act now in your interest and that of your kids. Start now. He needs to be made to decide and commit, be forced to make a choice, or, if he can't, get out of your life and not be allowed to treat you and your kids in this awful hurtful way. Being jailed and drinking and driving, besides carrying on an affair, are things you must shield your children (and yourself) from to all possible extents.

Good luck and God bless--take care of yourself--with the kids and school you really need to nurture yourself...you do NOT need all this in your life.

thanks
it helps to unload , i just feel to numb to feel anything right now, Im trying so hard to hold things together for school, and kids. I wanted to talk to him tonight , but he had to be bartender ,, he just could'nt let his friends down and not show up... if thats where he really is..i tired of torturing myself.... i hope when he gets out on his own, i hope she dumps him good, he has so many people, his friends and family tell him that she is using him, he just won't listen until he actually gets burned, but i don't know if i can wait that long...

Good. You should keep unloading here, if it helps you. You need some way to reinforce the fact that your feelings and needs are important.

Don't waste ANY energy thinking about him and her and whether she will dump him or what he deserves...sooner or later his ways and circumstances will burn him and in the end God will judge him. Think about you and your kids and what YOU need and deserve, and go get it. You seem a person of determination and fortitude (being in school with 3 kids), I hate to see you waste any of it on him.

You and your kids need and deserve a peaceful, decent family life. You sound like you are working so hard, and I fear that with all that is going on you will have a breakdown.

Do you have some family or friends nearby who can provide support (in terms of listening and talking, and helping you with a few things now and again so you can rest)?

Take care.

You sound like a perfectly normal person to me. A strong person coping with an awful situation. But entirely normal.

[Q]
4. I would like to drive to her house and beat the crap out of her, is this a good idea?[/B]

That just made me laugh. Of course you shouldn't... you have kids depending on you and their dad has already been in jail. But it's a warm thought sometimes, I bet.

8. WHy do i feel a small bit of peace when i think about him being gone?

It's a hard thing to face, but maybe you will have peace when he's out of the picture. At least for a little while, in a Plan B sort of way. He bringing all kinds of chaos into your life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

9. Is it normal to finally grow a spine and stand up to him,

I think so, and I think this indicates hard-earned growth on your part.

10. I want to tell him, he has a choice, if he wants me and his family back, he knows what he has to do,not to come back unless he's ready to commit to this marriage, I feel like at this point i have nothing to lose, i am not sharing my husband, I want him 100% or not at all.. Is this too much.

Well, in my FWS opinion, it is not too much. It is simply the truth.

12. AM i crazy??????

Hardly.

I wish you all the best.