Thanks for your suggestion Ark. I got it when I had already left but I did leave my room locked and I'm sure that if he does go in the house he will be very confused by that. In the end it seems he has not taken Dds to lunch but they are meeting him at 4.

Dds don't say much about their encounters with him. Maybe to protect me. But it is strange that he should spend a sat afternoon with them. Before they were spent with OW afterall, now that they live together they spend all day working. So they only have the evenings and the weekends, but maybe things aren't so good in lalaland anymore.

Anyway, I'm at the beach, the weather is wonderful although a bit cool. We are in autumn after all.

I do have to have more fresh flowers around the house, but these last few days have been really crazy. Crazy but nice.
Thanks Dying for your thoughts and wishes. I only wish that they could include good news from you. I don't really know where you are in your R with WH. What is happening? You don't sound very convinced.

Anyway, I will enjoy these days off.... but will check in here twice a day.

cc

cc-

I just wanted to change things up a bit and post on your thread for a change.

As you already know, Mimi will help you with your plan. I have found it incredibly important to have a plan or else you just feel like you're being whipped in the WS breeze with no direction in your life other than being victimized.

Plan B has been such a bittersweet experience for me. The lonesomeness of it all can be overbearing as both S's are now married and gone. Jeb has been a big help to me (but you already know about the dog thing).

But....not having to deal with WW every moment of every day has brought some peace to my life, and I suspect you too have already discovered this.

I am so sorry that you are having to participate in this Greek tragedy (Mimi's words) along with the rest of us, but I appreciate your friendship and kind words. You are obviously a strong woman and are doing a good job of holding yourself together. (Trilingual, WOW!!! I still struggle with English!).

Congrats on your new job, I know you will do well. I am in an engineering management position and I have 2 new engineers working for me, one here in GA and one in TX. It is a challenge to get them up and running on our stuff while living in a soap opera, but it does keep me occupied.

Georgia

<small>[ March 21, 2005, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

Back from a few days at the beach. I had a good timw although the weather wasn't very nice but at least I was busy finding things to do and didn't think constantly of WH which is a huge relief.

Georgia, I had missed your post in my quick check ups of MB. Sorry. Plan B is what keeps me going. I must say that without a plan I would have gone crazy. Now I have to convince myself that I am in a plan which I have to stick to at least a year.

Patience is not one of my virtues but when I think back to the torture plan A was, and how I managed to be patient for 2months I find the strength to face more plan B. Sadness is what overwhelms me. I was driving back with the dog and stopped for lunch. And I thought: this should be WH, the dog and I. Sad.
BTW, I think you mentioned you'd like to take the transcanadian train across Canada. I took it twic and it does run from Vancouver to Toronto, so you may have to get off before the destination. But it is really worth it, whatever the weather is. Fabulous experience. They have a chef on board so meals are wonderful.

Mimi, I need you to give me some comforting! While I was away I had locked my room. WH has taken most of the stuff I had put in his closet. Some is still left, but he's taken most of it. Could it be that he got angry because the bedroom door was locked? Should we just ignore this?

I read the thread Diary of a madman and found some comfort, but it seems so difficult to get out of the A... Not sure everybody manages to...

I would have joined in bashing your FOW if I had had a good connection , sorry. Maybe we can bash my OW one of these days.

Hope to hear from you guys soon, although I know GG is away for a couple of days.

Hi CC:

I think it's wonderful that you were brave enough to go to the beach on your own. In the long run, that is going to be such a "growth experience" for you although you don't realize it right now.

You asked:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Could it be that he got angry because the bedroom door was locked? Should we just ignore this?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really wouldn't worry about whether he is angry or not. He might have gotten angry but that's not a bad thing. Remember, he needs to "feel" pain. Anger is included in "feeling pain". My H might have taken his stuff if given the opportunity.

I think you can feel secure in knowing that these As hardly ever last. If he does not reconcile with you, he most likely will not end up with her. I firmly believe that it's a "sick" relationship based purely on "fantasy", like I've said before.

Sorry you missed the OW bashing. It felt good. I do hope that we get a chance to trash your OW. I think we will!

Mimi, that was fast! I wrote a long answer and it disappeared!

Anyway WH took most of his stuff from the closet, but not all. He also hasn't taken his wine collection. I can't imagine where he'sputting all this stuff... but none of my business.

Luckily I have a lunch invitation this friday with a girl friend who works for WH but is my friend. She has a neighbour who I met at her birthday party who is a very interesting 50ish divorced guy, and he will probably be there. So I'm looking forward to this lunch. Some male company is appreciated. I know, no dating.

Monday I start the new job and since there is a lot to do I will be very busy and probably won't think as much as I usually do about the A and WH.

Sunday I'll have an Easter Tea and invite my mother and aunts and MIL and her friends over. I hope DDs will be back so we will have some sort of family reunion.
So I have to cook a dessert for friday and a few things for tea on sunday. Meantime I have to read stuff for the job.

and wait..... I'm alone for the next few days.

I have never posted to you before but I thought I would try to help you. I don't know if you can get any use out of this thread or not but I thought I would post it to you anyway. This is the Plan B thread that was here when I was in Plan B and they all helped me so much. I am hoping that it can help you and that I did this link thing right.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=024697;p=22#000322

HINY

Thanks a lot Hopeful. It's not easy being in plan B, not knowing what will happen and having to have so much patience and pretend to get on with your life. It took me quite a few hours to find Mimi's plan B thread but I'm so glad I did and that Mimi is still around to help. I guess when recovery happens people can't stand to come and read about all the pain here, sometimes it's even too painful for me. I don't think Mimi could stand to read her own plan B thread, nor would I ever wish this on anyone else.

I've been hearing about other peoples R and As and I have also come to the conclusion that the people here on MB are part of the special group of people who really believe in Marriage, because there are lots of people out there who don't seem to suffer that much or even care. They just get on with their lives, divorce and find somebody else. I don't think they are ever really truly happy, but it's a way of life for them. We hope for something better from our marriages and ourselves.

I'm rambling. I guess I think about all this too much... Thanks. I'll download that thread to read.

Plan B is really hard but it does get easier. When I was in Plan B I didn't think that was true and everyone kept on telling me that. And it really did get easier. In fact I loved it after a while. No worries, no dinners just me and my kids, it was awesome.

Anyway I hope it helps to see what others have done and said during plan B.

I can't read the thread myself. I just makes me cry to think about how much pain I was actually in during that time. I have come a long way, but it is not perfect and I don't think it will ever be honestly.

PEP had the greatest advice for me when I was Plan Bing. My WH would come to visit with DS3 and I would leave the house so he could come here, my mother was the intermediary. PEP had these really great ideas for me like make great meals and leave them in the fridge so he would have something good for lunch to eat and think of me. And I hung lingerie in the bathroom over the shower curtain rod so he would see it. I got down and dirty once and left a little note with a phone number on it and a guys name even. And another time I left an unused, unopened condom on the bathroom sink with a bar ticket and some left over change. I did the best things to irritate him and I had fun doing it really. It was like my own little secret way of hurting him just a little for the monsterous hole in my heart.

I have come to the conclusion that life is what you make it. You can go through life being dependent on someone or stand up tall and get on with life. As soon as I started to get on with life, he wanted to get on with life with me. That is usually how it happens.

Good luck to you and I hope the thread helps you.

If not you will probably get some laughs out of it.

HINY

Thanks for your help. I was having problems getting into the forum, so I want to let you know that I´ll be reading and when we get connected again saturday will let you know how it helped.

Thanks again.

Thanks for your help. I was having problems getting into the forum, so I want to let you know that I´ll be reading and when we get connected again saturday will let you know how it helped.

Thanks again.

We're back!!! Thank God. I can't believe it has been 5 days, seems more like months.

Just to update, I came home wednesday from the beach having spent a few wonderful carefree days without thinking much of the situation. Saturday was terrible! I guess that's why it's called a rollercoaster, right?
Anyway sunday I had a family Easter tea. We all had a good time, including MIL.
Monday I started my new job and have had such a great response from people my self esteem is coming back. Being Busy helps alot.

Quickly saying HI! I keep getting logged off in trying to post to you.

To heck with plan A and B. I'm DONE!!!!!
So why not do Plan B?

So, any advice on how I should proceed with my life as a single mom?
Uh, yeah. DON’T proceed in life a single mom.
Go to Plan B.

We are still under the same roof, as he has no job right now and no place to go and I can't kick him out on the street with no place to go.
Why not? What’s he gonna do when you sell the house?

Thanks Mimi. I don't have a problem keeping myself logged in but I use Mozilla now. Problem is I don't quite have the hang of the program and haven't had much time because I was at work although I woke up at 4:00 a m this morning and spent 3 hours trying to understand it. Of course at that hour (1 am in USA) there wasn't anyone on MB. and no updates.

the job is very stressful and I don't have a very good internet connection. I was at my boss's computer waiting for a meeting to start and posting to Georgia when the boss walked in and I had to close the page!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

anyway, things will get better. No important news on WH. He spent the easter holidays at the beach house (probably with OW)but didn't tell anyone he was going.It's all still secret.

Going to read updates now.

Just saying hello. Hope you enjoyed your vacation and are doing well at your new job. I have not had a chance to read your thread yet. Still trying to figure out the new look of this site and keep getting logged off.

Will chat/post more later.

Love of a lifetime

Hi CC:

You said this on Georgia's thread:



Remember that the anonymity and silence does not mean that it will go on forever. It is a good thing which may mean that it ends sooner than you think. If he brings her out in the open, it means that he is giving her a place in his real life. Now she remains part of the fog, his fantasy life. This is a life that cannot continue in the real world. Make sense?

I admire your apathy regarding the OW.

Mimi Goddess!!!!!!!

I hope so much you are right and that MM is right when he says one puts one'slove in a safe place because I'm not feeling very kind towards WH at this moment. He went for 4 days to the beach house without telling anyone he was going until he had been there a couple of days and called Dds to ask if they needed anything.

Then he invited them to dinner on tuesday but at 9 pm called them to say he "was too tired" and that they better leave it for yesterday wednesday. Last night he told them that friday he's traveling to USA for 10 days to go to a course!!! dd 3 was really pissed. I mean he must know he's going for a while now. and I was really pissed because there is some smelly stuff from his job he had to pick up about 3 weeks ago and he hasn't done it. Would it be very wrong of me to take it to his office on monday?

Anyway, as you may have noticed I am soooooo busy that I barely have time to think of him. I don't want to think about all this at all!!!!!! It's horrible. What if the A does end and he wanted to come back? It's so inconvenient at this moment because of my job but on the other hand my M is more important although I may not be feeling too happy about it now. See how terrible this is. Better not to think.

Update: Wh did come by friday morning and took the smelly stuff, and also sent me a check with double the amount he usually gives me on the 10th of each month. So that was considerate of him. BUT I am nearly sure that he has taken OW on the trip although everything is secret.

I can see why it's best not to know anything. I feel terrible. 3 months of plan B and the hurt, the pain doesn't go away. Because of my DDs I will always find out about these things and how long will they continue to hurt????

Please someone remind me why this is worth it.

Sorry. Don't have much time to post.

He is doing the STANDARD SCRIPT.

A good sign that he left you the money.

Also the trip is really a good thing. She will fail when he tries to make her into you. It's the beginning of the end for them!!

I hope you are right. one thing i know for sure: it is the beginning of the end for me. I don't think I can take much more of this. soon i'm really not going to care anymore, because I can't afford to. and then there will be no forgiveness. I am already questioning my ever even considering the possibility of trusting him ever again, and without honesty and trust i can't have a relationship.

thanks for answering Mimi. i had forced myself to go to the movies. I saw Bridget Jones. it's fun.
but quite a few triggers too.