CC:

I may have asked you this before BUT...

What do you think is his attraction to the OW?

How can you make him aware that she is probably a golddigger..

Do you think she makes him feel like a rescuer?

Truth is I can't imagine what attracts him to the OW except that he can feel so superior to her.

I don't think he respects her, nor admires her. He himself told me once that OW's GF had studied english and was more capable than OW.

The way I see it, he has been depressed for a while, and she has taken advantage of that.

He has acted and felt guilty. He hasnever defended her.

But WH is uch a different person than H that I don't know...
It is so confusing.

When I told my mother I thought she would say it was my fault because she has always blamed me for not being the mek housewife, but she didn't. She is still as surprised as I am and can't understand how he could do this. Nobody can believe it.

Do others say that he seems depressed now?

Do you think she builds up his self-esteem by allowing him to feel superior to her?

What do your DDs say about how he is? Does he seem different to them?

Still you need to be safe. After you are comfortable with your improvements, move to plan B. Anything less c/b enabling the A. See if you can talk with Steve 1st or maybe e-mail him?

JMHO,
L.

Mimi,

Dds don't say much. Their attitude has been: "that's Dad...." Others have said he seems depressed, doesn't talk much with anybody.He avoids people.

Orchid, I already moved to plan B 7 and 1/2 months ago!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

That's the whole point of this thread. Absolutely nothing has happened. We seem to have established a plan B relationship for life!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So the question is, do I stay in plan B for the time I planned to (1 year) and then get divorced or is there anything I should do? I know filing will shake him, but if I do, I'll go through with it and that's not what I want yet.

Does anyone think that there is a chance that he will want to recover the M or is this personality change for life?

Stay in plan B. Change moves slowly in the fog. The WS and OP don't have a good grip. The fantasy needs to wear off.

IMHO, in your case this c/b to your advantage. He isn't getting any younger. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

I live in South America. Although calling Steve is not impossible it would be very expensive.

I wrote to Dr. Harley and we exchanged several e mails. He did not seem too optimistic and told me to wait for 2 years by which time I would either be divorced or recovering. He seemed to imply that being southamerican made this A worse.

Update:

Last tuesday WH finally invited dds to his apartment. OW was nowhere to be seen but she had left a t shirt hanging out to dry so one of dds noticed. He has never admitted he lives with her to his daughters, or anyone else that I know of.

Today I was driving to work and we met at an intersection. I looked straight at him. He looks so strange. I could tell that he saw me. OW was beside him.
later he had lunch with dds, he's going on a 2 day trip tomorrow.
He still calls them all the time.
He's paying all the bills, and other stuff.

A couple of weeks ago he moved the last part of his job out of the house but he still hasn't sent us the house keys back.

I've got the name of a lawyer so I can find out what divorce means, here, but I haven't called yet. I have been a bit depressed these last 2 weeks but since yesterday I have felt better.
That's about all. Not much progress....

I usually keep up with your thread. And you are right, a good Plan B is boring. No upheavals and drama.

Thanks Believer for reading. I really admire you, after all you've been through, you can come and help so many here. Including me.

Plan B is boring but I hate drama, so it's fine for me.
WH also hated drama.

So who knows... I'm committed to a 1 year plan B, and I'll stick to that.

I think that is a great idea - give it a year. Plan B is boring, and I found that there was not a lot to post about when I was in it. But it is what helped me heal the most.

I couldn't come up with a better alternative. and I really thought about it...

I play tumblebugs on the computer now...

Hi cc46,

I am glad to hear you're feeling better, I was starting to wonder....

I have some similar concerns about PLAN B, too.

I am seeing it as being "stuck" in my personal recovery (because WS should not even be in the picture), but don't know what to do about it. And so, I am taking it one day at a time. For me, having small 'personal' projects seems to help - not ready yet to committ to big ones, and I try on a regular basis to ask myself the question: What do you feel like doing right now, later? and giving myself permission to do it.

If I am really really stuck, I tell myself: you can always be part of a triangle! All of a sudden, walking my dog seems like a terrific idea!

Asking the vets for advice like you intend to do is definitely a good idea.

Take care.

{{{{{{{{{cc42}}}}}}}}}

I'm going to try out TUMBLEBUGS this weekend. I read the reviews and looks like it might be fun. I tend to like the mahjohng(?) games though. What do you like about TUMBLEBUGS?

I love Mahjong and had a classical one on every computer!!!!
I've just taken it to my work computer but haven't had a chance to play again.

Tumblebugs has a hypnotic effect. Unfortunately I haven't bought it so I play the trial version for 5 min many times. I'm on level 8, but I've stuck there for quite a while.

I guess I like the colors and the movements..
anything to take my mind off the usual. This limboland is not the best place to be. I agree with you that divorce is horrible, but when your WH lives with OW there really doesn't seem to be much choice after a certain period of time...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

CC:

I've bee addicted to TUMBLEBUGS over the past few days..

I'm thinking about playing now...

Have you tried the game LUXOR? It is similar to TUMBLEBUGS..

I told you it was addictive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Do you have the full version? How far did you get?
I'm stuck on level 8 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I ahve been for at least a week.

Better not go find other games. I have to get out more although it soesn't seem to be much good at this point. Yesterday I went to my aunt's 76th birthday tea and then to a wedding. Today I'm feeling more depressed than ever! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

This is not getting better. I'm not getting better.so I'll have to keep playing tumblebugs! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Life is not bad at all. I have my great job which is still exciting although I don't exactly feel that excited about it, I have just got a new job teaching on the internet which apparently will pay well (details still to come), dds are doing well, WH still pays the bills, but I'm not getting better.

I know the facts, but I can't get my heart to understand.
I'm really just trying to make it one day at a time! and it's been nearly a year since d day

I can't get past LEVEL 2...

don't lose hope, just keep practicing. I'm going back to level 7 to collect some lives (hopefullu) to try to get past level 8

cc46,

Just wanted to encourage you in your Plan B. It sounds like you are doing great. Better than all of the drama. How long have you been in Plan B?

My WH has been gone for 11 days and even though it is hard, it has to be better than living as part of a triangle.

I read Mimi's Plan B thread that you have referenced. Does Mimi have a recovery thread too? Just in case our WHs ever get smart?!?