lwar, I've been in plan B nearly 9 months. WH hasn't tried to contact me. Of course it's better than being in the triangle, but it's hard to pretend to get on with my life when I have this situation.

I haven't become at all indifferent.

I don't know about Mimi's recovery thread,we'll have to ask her.

I don't have a Recovery thread per se.

I've been all over the place here.

Do you think that would be helpful?

I've been thinking alot about not coming here as much.

However, I feel like I would be abandoning my friends.

I wonder if it would help me to stop thinking about As so much..

Hi, cc46--Thanks to whoever boosted this thread to the top where I could find it. That way I won't ask you any more silly questions about your Doofus that could've been answered simply by reading what you'd already put down!

t&l

cc - It took me about a year and a half to feel good again. Hang in there and don't give up.

Mimi, I already gave you an opinion on your thread. You were a great help to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am very grateful to you. Maybe you haven't noticed but infidelity is different at different stages in life and you,I, Georgia and a few others are in the "young midlife group", which is not the same as most of the others here. Not having small children makes a big difference.

Have you ever read Gail Sheehy and her theory of "life passages"? Fascinating. I recognized the symptoms of the passage into maturity in myself. I felt more assured and less worried about what others thought. I expressed myself more freely. All this was before WH's weird behaviours and the A.

So, you are important to those of us who can identify with you.

Believer, thanks for the experience. I have decided that I have to do something about myself and since WH would not talk to me before, and I'm now in plan B I have decided to write to him. Although I won't send it to him. At least I'll get it all out. Maybe it will help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hi cc46:

Your WS has not given you any "signs" so far. Were you expecting him to by now? How do you feel seeing that he hasn't?

I guess I am wondering if you are like me. I may not want to, but I know that deep down I would like a 'sign' from WS that he is questioning his decisions. Since the likelihood that he will are not so high, I should not be surprised to experience disappointment over it. Hard to tell when it will happen though.

quote:----------------------------------------------------
I'm now in plan B I have decided to write to him. Although I won't send it to him. At least I'll get it all out.
----------------------------------------------------------

I think this will help.

PLAN B is not being in a relationship. It's not what we want. BS is making the best of a bad situation, because I think a BS (if you are like me) wants to be in a relationship, with FWS, if possible.

I don't know about you, but guess what I seem to notice the most in PLAN B? Others that are in a relationship.

How do you feel right now about the possibility of having to go to the 'next step' at the end of your one year PLAN B?

I am going to dish out your own advice to me: think of something special you have always wanted to do but have put off doing and do it, because as one commercial puts it: YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Hugs.

Luna, I'm not sure I want WH back. Actually I'm not even sure I want H back! I sure don't want the marriage we had back.
I couldn;t accept that now.

When I first posted here all I got was "don't worry it won't last". Well he's been living with OW for nearly 9 months(in secret), so I guess you could consider it has lasted.

Not one sign, except indirect ones that seem to actually support what he said he would do which was be reponsable for us. He's paying the bills, all of them. Anything that is on the credit cards he pays. He sends me money for stuff that has to paid with cash. He recently went to the beach house (with OW) and when he goes there he goes shopping across the border. Well this time he bought all my favorite cookies.

But not one word.
I think recovery would be a lot of work and I just don't see him even trying. He has never had to work for anything in his life! He has been so lucky that he has always done what he wanted to do, and never what he didn't want to.

For example, he never took his daughters to a children's birthday party. He doesn't like small children.

I did all the things he didn't like to do when they had to be done.

So I wouldn't go back to that, because now I am entitled! That's what plan B does for you!

just a small update.
A co-worker of WH's came by just to give WH a message. I answered the door. When he told me what it was about I told him that we were separated because WH was having an affair. Poor guy! he felt very awkward.

Should I still expose like this?
I never really exposed to his co-workers because I don't see them and WH has little contact with them. So most have no idea.
I feel like I have to stand up for myself, and not enable the affair by keeping it secret like WH and OW do.

Yesterday I read a book. I finally unerstood some things about plan B. It doesn't mention how long it should be in her book, has mentioned elsewhere that the MINIMUM is 1 year. Dr. Harley also insists on a 2 year period from d day until it is over, whatever the result is. So they all seem to agree that 1-2 years is the period during which a BS has to fight for the marriage.

Another interesting thing it says in her book is that during plan B one should "enjoy oneself" as much as possible. No need to read about As or relationships. Of course the two things that are not allowed is dating and FILING FOR DIVORCE. This is interesting because I was thinking of filing after one year. Now maybe I'll wait a bit longer.

The main point I learned that this whole business for the BS is about protecting the MARRIAGE.

I'm almost at the 3 year point and have finally filed for divorce. Take your time, there really is no hurry. When you get to the place where you are ready to file, you won't have any doubt.

You're probably right, when the time comes I'll know.

My first reaction on d day was to file, but then I found MB, and I've been here ever since.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Now I have a lot of knowledge but except for MB, I have no one to share it with <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I{m rereading SAA.
You always learn something!

Interesting to me, very interesting.

Lem

LM, are you being sarcastic?

You're up early. Good morning to you. Good night to me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

as usual, but I'll be off to work in a few minutes and there I can only read, not write to MB.

Just read your thread. Very sad story.

I tell myself that as long as it has a happy ending, it won't matter that lots of the chapters were pretty soggy!

t&l

No, I was just making a comment that I thought what you posted was "interesting", at least to me. Nothing more or less.

Lem

OOPS! I thought we had suggested this to you.

Expose to anybody and everybody!!

Thanks Mimi. I do not feel exactly "right" about exposing because most of the people I would now expose to, are not really friends (these already know) but on the other hand I don't want people to get the wrong impression.

This poor guy felt so bad! I hadn't seen him for years and then I go and dump this on him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

These last few days I'm feeling much stronger. Hopefully it will last.

Hi cc46,

quote:----------------------------------------------
When I first posted here all I got was "don't worry it won't last".....it has lasted.
----------------------------------------------------

It sounds like you were expecting it not to last. The reality is that it has.

When this happens to me, I ask myself:

Can anything be done about the reality? If the answer is "no", what's left to work with is: the expectation. If it's not in line with reality, 'expect' disappointment.

I can propose you try a couple of things I am trying these days and see if they work for you:

a) a 'new attitude' towards expectations: don't believe it until you see it. If it doesn't happen, I am less upset.

b) Before I go to bed, wanting to finish my day on a positive note and give me a chance at some peaceful sleep, I think of all the things I appreciated in the day. This puts a smile on my face more often than not.

Whatever you do, don't forget you are not alone.

{{{{{{{{{{cc424}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}