Neither can I! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Tomorrow will be Christmas Eve. It is still too extremely painful for me, but I hope that after surviving tomorrow, things will get way better. My life is good, but I'm not. That's what I have to work on.

WH was caught dining with his "new family" at a restaurant by my cousin and her H. She wants to tell me about it but so far hasn't been able to. I obviously have mixed feelings about hearing about it. But I think it's a good thing, because WH appreciated this cousin and her H and to be seen by them must have been a shock. Leading his secret life he has been protected from the effects of exposure...

Anyway, I really wanted to wish you all a peaceful Christmas and all the hope in the world that the New Year will be better.

I don't know what I would have done without my MB friends.
Thank you.

CC, wishing the best year ever in 2006.

Thanks FF, same to you. I have read how hard your sitch is. I will pray for you too.

My life is good, but I'm not. That's what I have to work on.

Oh CC - It's so hard to read that, knowing what a fine person you are.

Your deadline is coming up. You may have decisions to make. I would guess from your comment, that you get by, but that there is no color in your life. You just exist.

Of course none of us can change that for you. It has to come from you, and God. Between the two of you, do you have a plan?

I am interrested to know if you have it all worked out what you will do when your waiting time is up.

I also wish you a good Christmas. Not merry perhaps, that might be asking a lot, but decent. How would that look to you?


I wish you could see yourself as others (your MB friends) see you. Your happiness would double, or triple over night.

SS

SS, thanks for your kind words. They made me cry. See why I have to work on myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Most people probably see me as brave for standing up to the whole situation with dignity. That's OK. I didn't have a choice. That's me. but I feel so frustrated because I can't detach, I can't not think, I can't get over the disgust I feel, and I can't help feeling I failed WH because I wasn't able to keep him safely in the family. Our family.

I know I'm not responsible, but I feel I am.

As Orcid always says, my heart and mind are not in sync. Christmas has always been the family holiday for us, the most important one, more than anniversaries or birthdays. So after Christmas I hope to lose any hope I still have that he might come out of the fog.

By february I hope to havemy mind and heart in sync and have convinced myself (or realized actually) that WH will always be wayward or is not capable of regretting the A or feeling remorse. Therefore there would be no reason for me to continue plan B. and I would seek a divorce.

That's my plan. In the meantime if he made any move, I would be willing to help him get out of the A. Because I know it would be very difficult for him...

Thanks for your kind thoughts. Christmas will still be a family gathering. Chritmas eve with one of my brothers who has a 3 year old, my mother and my cousin and her family. Chritmas day another 2 brothers are coming to lunch. One of them lives in Miami and is visiting for the first time in 9 years. He has 2 severely handicapped children. Very sad.

so I'll be busy and surrounded by people who care, but after 1 year the A is not a subject we talk about much.

Next year will be different, hopefully better.

Have a Merry Christmas!

OK,
and it looks to me like you have enough going on to have a Merry Christmas too. I hope you do. *<:-D>

SS

Hi cc, just dropping by for a moment. Do you live near the snow? There is nothing like a cure for the doldrums involving getting deliciously frozen from running and playing in the snow. Inner tubing down hills is even better.

If there is no snow you can always blend ice and make snowballs, but your family will look at you funny.

a) go pound a pillow

b) go watch a hilariously funny movie

c) look in the mirror and repeat after me: I am a beautiful woman, I am a beautiful woman, I am a beautiful woman, on the inside, AND on the outside!

Time will heal the pain. That is the only consolation to give--this utter despair will not be your intimate companion for forever.

Wishing you the Merriest Christmas ever, Jen.

Thank you all for your advice.

Neak it is summer in the southern hemisphere, so I don't have snow. Christmas Spirit isn't the same when there isn't snow. I could go to the beach <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Christmas means family to me. That's why it's so hard. But I'll survive, probably won't have time to think much with all I have to do.

Thank you all. MB is a life savor.

Have a Merry Christmas!

SS,

I didn't answer the part about God. I am catholic and have had a strong personal relationship with Him. I don't think I would be where I am if I hadn't. On dday, the first thing that came to my mind was that this was part of God's plan for me and that I trust him.

Now I pray for peace and forgiveness and to be able to leave WH behind. If that's what He wants for me. I'll tell you a secret. I don't know how to realize when I should really let go, because in Plan B you are still married, and unfortunately I feel very married. So I ask Him to take away the mark of my wedding band as a sign that the marriage is over. I took it off after d day and gave it to WH. He took it with him when he left. But I still have the mark and it's been 14 months. I have no other marks from other rings I used to wear although none was on my fingers for so long.

Every sunday, when I am in Church I look at my finger, and the mark is there. I still miss the ring, it meant so much to me, even though it's a simple gold band, with WH's name and our wedding date written inside.

Somehow I believe that until I divorce him I won't ever start to lose hope. That's why divorce will have to come before personal recovery.

That's just my case. I know others have been able to recover themselves before divorcing. That would be better.

Dr. Harley told me to wait for 2 years, because by then I would either have recovered my marriage or be divorced. That's 10 months away. That's another deadline I may consider in february when I reach my first deadline. We'll see.

Time is important.

cc -

You are expecting things to happen much too fast. It took me around 2 years before I started to feel okay, and 2 1/2 years before I felt GREAT again. After all, we loved our husbands, and that feeling isn't going to disappear quickly.

I think the key is making yourself a wonderful life. I have stayed very busy. My whole life has changed, and it feels good. I decided not to just wait around, marking time, for my husband.

You will get there too. I hope you have a nice Christmas with your family. Don't think about the infidels. They will fall apart soon enough.

I try not to think about the infidels and keep busy. I'm following your suggestions and hoping that you are right and that it won't take me forever to get over WH.

I remember my grandmother, 30 years after her divorce she was still in love with my grandfather. It was so obvious and sad.

I don't want to be like that. My grandfather wasn't worth it, he was unfaithful and selfish. I also wouldn't like WH to be like my grandfather but all I can do for him is pray.

In spite of my grandparents divorce none of their 4 daughters ever divorced and the grandkids started only very recently. So it's a family where divorce is not common.

I'll wait until february, and keep busy until then.

Thank you for your advice, you are such and admirable human being, it's an honor for me that you take time to post to me.

Merry Christmas!

cc -

I always enjoy hearing from you. I just don't want you to go through all the misery and wasting time that I did, although I guess that is part of what helps a person recover.

Now my life is much different than I ever planned, but it is a good life. I always thought that I would never be interested in another man, but some of them are looking good right now.

I think DR Harley is right about D needing to come before recovery. You are loyal, and that is a good thing. I just wish he was worth being loyal to. It looks as though he is not.

I mentioned God, because he always knows what is best. Prayer has helped me so much over my life. I know he is there, and I know he will help me - and you. I do get guidance when I ask for it. I expect it, and I expect it for you.

With all this family visiting you, when will you ever get any rest?

SS

I won't get any rest today or tomorrow, that's for sure! But that's also good. It will keep my mind off the things I should avoid thinking about, like past Christmases, the fact that I suspect MIL is having WH WITH OW over tonight, so OW will be "accepted" into the family, the fact that dds seem to be angry, but haven't said why, etc

But next week I'll get some rest.I'm on holidays and don't have to get up early. I'm staying home for New Year's eve because of the dog who gets very anxious and nervous with all the fireworks. DDs will probably go out after midnight and on the 1st january they leave for the beach.

I will then go back to work but be alone at home with the dog for 10 days. I'll be doing lots of thinking and praying I think.

cc46, just want to wish you a good new year's and stay strong!

{{ hugs }}

~A

Thanks Ashley, I will. I guess the Christmas Spirit, even in summer , was too much for me. But I will stay strong. I have to. It's the best choice, but it is a choice and my feelings are sort of dragging me away from the choice of being happy and strong.

Happens every now and then. But I'll get back to my happy state soon.

Have to make the best of this week of holidays I have.

That's awful!!

I got my H a globe for Xmas..

Now that I know where you are I can pay a visit to your MIL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Mimi, the moment you posted I was talking with one of MIL's friends and confirming that WH took OW to her house.

So she has now become the queen of enablers.

I never liked her and always felt sort of sorry for her, but now, this is the last straw. And all for money, because WH is providing them al with money.

BIL didn't even call.

the in laws is one of the reasons that makes divorce and getting away from that family attractive.

But yesterday I was thinking that I may as well wait the whole two years since I am carrying out Dr. Harley's plan exactly as he indicates. After all I don't have any reason why I shouldn't (unless there are financial problems) and if WH ever asks for a divorce I will say yes, but can we talk about it and invite him over to wish him all the best in his selfishness. I promise I will try to avoid LBs and DJs.

I have to practice that conversation.

I wish you would come and give MIL a piece of your mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />