I am so glad 2005 is over. It was the worst year of my life. I so hope 2006 is the year for us. My H left me alone for new years. I put a good face on for the kids and we banged pots and pans but I was sobbing while saying the nightly prayers with them. It is awful all this crying. I am so depressed.

D day was Dec. 1st. I was doing Plan A but printed off a Plan B letter today and gave it to him. He said he did not want to read it right now and we went out for a nice New Years dinner but he got really mad at me on the way home because I went out last night and was mysterious about who I was with. One of the people told me he was doing cocaine! He wanted to know super badly who told me that and of course he denied having that addiction.

So many addictions I am reeling. Maybe in love with another woman? total daily drinker, pot occassionally and now coke? I am at my witts end.

I have not had a chance to read this whole thread but I need help with Plan B.

In the letter I said I wanted him to call before coming over. I thought if he would say I want to see the kids from say 4pm to 7pm I would just leave before 4 and come back after he has left at 7pm. I really am starting to hate him for all this agony he is putting us through. I want to preserve my feelings of love thus plan B and no contact until he ends the affair and I want a phone call from her leaving a message that it really is over. I don't want to be in a triangle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I took away his cell phone though because that allowed him to have this secret life and I am paying all the bills. I will not support his affair. He asked me how much in support I was going to pay to him! I laughed and said excuse me? you are having an affair on me? Hello? time to grow up and deal with your bad decisions.

I better try and get some rest. After the coke story last night I came home and we talked from 230am to 530am. We both cried and said sorry for letting each other down but of course no words of the affair is over.

He is not ready yet and it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Any advice/support would be wonderful. I mostly read (I have posted a bit of my story) but I am hurting badly right now. No New Years with my man? First time in 11 years! God it hurts!... but I guess he is not my man anymore, he has a mental illness, he is an alien. Where is my husband? He's in a fog of addiction and I cannot help him. Can I? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> amy

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry you are here but you will get the best help. It's best if you start a threadof your own where you can copy your post and add a few details so that people can post to you and give you help.

I'm still too involved in my own sitch to be of much help but there are many experineced people who will give you a hand.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, cc46. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

t&l

Thanks t&l and all the best for all the clan for 2006!

Happy New Year CC.
Sorry for the hard times, but hoping this next year is better.

SS

HNY CC, may it bring happy times....{{{{Amy}}}}}

Hi cc46 - just checking in to say hi - 2006 is going to be better!

Kim

Guys, I'm sure 2006 will be better for US , unfortunately there will be many more coming on this forum with sad stories...


The reaction a lot of people have had to my being so honest about WH's A makes me think that tehre must be many skeletons in closets...

MIL never sent me my Xmas present (maybe she gave it to OW) and although she was with WH, BIL, and my daughters for New Years she didn't call or greet me. So I'm thinking that both MIL and BIL have REPLACED me completely.

Notice OW wasn't included in the NY celebration, probably because dds have told WH that they will not be with her. Luckily he respected that.

Anyway, MIL has been excommunicated. So has BIL. Blood is thicker than water in this case. She will have to face the consequences. Unfortunately it has hurt me alot. But I can imagine how the guilt will affect her.

So 2006 will be better.

Thank you for being such good friends, those who post and those who read. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

No updates.

Just wanted to comment that during the excitement we had on the forum these last few days I noticed that both Ashley, an OW, and View (I think that was part of his name)a WS, WANTED the BS to ask for divorce. I think that is exactly what WH wants.

I wonder if any WS can explain why they feel it necessary for the BS to file? Is it only to feel less guilty?

That, and so they can then blame the BS fully for the breakup of the M. "They did it, not me." (Halo.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It is so funny you say that because I feel that is exactly what my H wants me to do... But he has no idea that I will not be doing that...

Very interesting question!!! It must be, as said above, the blame thing again...

I don't think Dr. Harley warns us BS that WS will expect or hope for this... I'll check my SAA in case he does

It's part of the delusional justification of the A..like rewriting history..

She didn't love me anyway..she didn't fignt for me..she didn't wait for me..she went ahead and got a divorce..

That's what the OW in my situation was counting on CC..that I would go ahead and make the move..

Lots of times, WSes don't really want to commit to the OPs..want to just play and pretend like it's not really happening..they are living in a fantasy world..LA LA LAND..

DIVORCE IS PART OF THE REAL WORLD....

well then, it's just one more reason NOT to divorce before at least 2 years... That should give them enough time to get over the delusional phase

That's what I'm leaning towards...

And will you be OK going on for that long?

It really shouldn't matter what he does or what he thinks after a while. We know what he is -

There comes a point when you have to think about YOU. About your own mental and emotional health. And not just "can I endure this" but you must think about your happiness and about being an example to your daughters. If they were ever in such am emotionally abusive situation, what would you recommend they do?

Now, having said this, I am not recommending any one course of action. Just wanted you to think about all the sides. Remember to consider yourself too, you are important and someone needs to speak up for you.

SS

cc46 -

I do think too that many WS wait for the BS to make that move. That's just one more thing that they aren't "responsible" for!

Take Care,

Kim

SS, I'm fine waiting for a while longer. I have absolutely no interest in "men" in THAT sense, I'm enjoying my freedom.

Actually all this has happened at the same time as my dds were becoming totally independant. So all our lives have changed a lot. They don't depend on me anymore and I don't have to take care of them anymore. We just all live together!
True, it was one thing that bothered WH: that his precious daughters were independant and he was losing control over them.

So now I'm on Ads and have my emotions under control, I am starting to consistently enjoy life. I also enjoy the freedom I have being on my own.

I'm still sorry for the life WH has chosen and horrified that his mother and brother have chosen to enable and support him. But I can totally detach from all that.

So I do think that I will wait until I really want to be divorced. For whatever reason.

I do have doubts that I will ever get back with WH, but then I read people like Mimi, or FF and I start wondering...

God will let me know.

Did you know that I got to LEVEL 7?

Sounds like you are doing great.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi CC! Just popped in to say hello.

..me, too, just wanted to say, HI!