the whole point is that my performance has been great! and that is why I'm being defended by the bosses. What's not usual is that they should care about good WORK performance, but in this case it seems to matter. Nevertheless, I hope to go back to my job, when the whole thing gets played out.

The trend in American companies is to promote people to their highest level of incompetence. That is generally true for middle management positions. It is only the completely clueless who can achieve senior management. I am glad it works differently in your country.

Although singing and dancing all day - I got a different impression as to your vocation. I didn't realize you worked for the national ballet company. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi CC, I got your email. I'll try to get it out tomorrow, and I'll let you know once it's sent. Have a great night, day, whatever it is for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks a lot Neak. It means a lot to me. There isn't much you can do for an 87 yr old person. She had 5 children, two sons died of cancer and her 2 daughters and remaining son live abroad. Her grandchildren don't seem to like to speak english much.

She paints watercolors and is now dedicated to painting scenes from the Bible to be used in Church.

I'll let her read the book first.

Thank you

T, that's called Peter's principle and I'm very wary of accepting positions I can't be competent at. I hate not being able to do my job.

My "temporary" position is deputy director of the department of epidemiology at the ministry of health but I made it clear I would like to go back to my old position, as director of the surveillance unit.

But I have to have patience and let this "play" playit self out or however it's said. Get what I mean?

T I already told you once!

Have to go to work. Actually my schedule is determined by DD, because I take her to school. Otherwise I can go to work whenever I want.

Today I will try to leave early, take the dog for a walk by the sea, and then come home to cook!

No you said you didn't want to tell me but that was my guess. Just ask ToddAC if you don't believe me. Timezone (and size) gave it away.

You really have my sympathy. Not.

The Peter Principle. I read that book many years ago. A person is promoted until they get to the level of their incompetence. And BTW trachy, they are promoted to their first level of incompetence and then they are found out. No more promotions after that. Honestly, though I have worked for some people who were exempt from this rule...

Hey tracheotomy, I don't know nothing about no time zones and what country cc is in. BTW, I would never have asked like you did...

CC,
When you first said they wanted you fired, I thought it must be becasue of how they are working, not how you are working.

I didn't realize what your job title was though, it explains why you weren't more worried. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You seem more sure of your self these days. I am glad.
I skimmed your thread about church recognized divorce.

Perhaps this scripture will help you find your answers. It has helped me many, many times.

James 1: 5
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Prayer is a wonderful thing, I highly recommend it. Don't be afraid to just talk to God - as you would a good friend. He cares enough to answer, though he uses his own ways to do it.

SS

T, I had told you once but I edited maybe before you saw it.

Todd, I'm getting used to T. I don't get offended. How are you doing? I've kept up with your thread although I don't think I ever read your real diagnosis. Since I'm not going thru such a good period I don't post much. I just like to keep T on his toes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

SS. That's lovely. I'll print it and keep it with me. I always talk to God. I always have. But at some point you need some outside validation. If you read my religious divorce thread I really didn't get an answer. Nobody said that it was possible but most said that they thought it didn't exist. Most refer to a legal divorce. For me it's not the same thing.

A legal marriage is a contract. WH has obviously broken it but the law doesn't do anything about it. The only useful thing about a legal marriage is the division of assets, including the children. By this I mean that as long as a man gets legally married he considers the children his. Nowadays that might sound strange but at some point in man's history, children were valuable.
Women don't need that because they give birth to the children.

Anyway, it's not about the legal aspects. It's about the religious aspect. And to me it sounds strange that if there is a "marriage" there has to be something about undoing it. But nothing of that came up. The scriptures seem to speck only of the unfaithful. Not what the betrayed is supposed to do.

So after all I read on my thread which was very interesting I decided I do have to ask the "Church" but I also know that there are all kinds of priests. My sister and my SIL did not get married by the Church, and so they had to look for a priest willing to baptize their children. it wasn't hard.They found one.

I could probably find some priest willing to declare me unmarried. But God has pointed me to the priest I have spoken to a couple of times. So I have asked him and will see what he says. We will probably speak this week.

For the moment I will accept whatever he says. although whatever he says will come into effect after october.

I just need someone who shares my religious beliefs to give me a hand because I am not strong enough at this point. I also need some outside spiritual support.

My family including my daughters want me to divorce WH (legally). Nobody understands plan B, my reluctance to divorce etc.
I hope the priest will give me some help.

And then there is the problem of letting WH know. I cannot make a decision and not tell him.

Unfortunately I very much doubt the priest will to speak to him which is what is what the Bible says he should do. And I would like him to, but I don't want to pressure him into doing it. If he does offer to speak to him I will accept, of course.

We'll see. I have faith in God. The first thought that came to my mind when I confirmed the affair was that the Lord probably had other plans for me and was relieving me of this difficult marriage. But so far it hasn't really turned out that way. I'm still hooked on the marriage in spite of nearly a year and a half of plan B, ADs, Church, .

Going out ith the dog. See you guys later

Oh, about the job. The problem is I work and they don't. so they accuse me of psycological abuse and want me removed. The solution was to remove me as head of the department but with a promotion. Today I heard that they are complaining that I'm still in the same building! and they want me out of the building. See, they can't chat in peace if I walk in at 8! and everytime I leave my office I see they aren't working so that bothers them.

It's a really crazy situation. Typical of 3rd world countries!

At this moment the bosses are meeting with the person who has leaded all this to see if she replaces me.

I guess we'll know something by tomorrow.

Oh, about the job. The problem is I work and they don't. so they accuse me of psycological abuse and want me removed.

I can see why they would accuse you of that - they can't very well say "She expects us to actually work, and I don't want to do that." It made me laugh to read what you said.

The solution was to remove me as head of the department but with a promotion. Today I heard that they are complaining that I'm still in the same building! and they want me out of the building. See, they can't chat in peace if I walk in at 8! and everytime I leave my office I see they aren't working so that bothers them.

Can you imagine acting like this, and then expecting to go to Heaven?

When I think of Heaven, one of the things I think of is that there will be no one there that won't do their share plus a little. Don't you look foreward to that?


It's a really crazy situation. Typical of 3rd world countries!

I am personally familiar with it, Having visited before. (Not your country, but another similar one.) It has always amazed me.

At this moment the bosses are meeting with the person who has leaded all this to see if she replaces me.
If she is leading the no work people, she should be fired.
And, she should be told exactly why.
You are more calm than I am about it. I suspect you have been exposed to it more than I have.

I guess we'll know something by tomorrow.

Be sure to let us know.

From your other thread -
I always talk to God. I always have. But at some point you need some outside validation.

At one point Jesus asked his disciples who they thought He was. He didn't mean "what's my name" but he was asking "Do you really believe I am who claim to be?" I believe Peter's answer, and the Lords reply to him really apply to your situation.
This is from Matthew chapter 16
13 When Jesus came into the coasts of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, saying, Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?

14 And they said, Some say that thou art John the Baptist: some, Elias; and others, Jeremias, or one of the prophets.

15 He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am?

16 And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the aChrist, the Son of the living God.

17 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.

We should always seek help, input, and do all that we can to find logical answers. When you think you have found the answer, the wittness can (and should) come from God that you are doing his will.

How many people were personal wittnesses to the miracles Jesus preformed, but didn't accept his message? In the end, a spiritial wittness is the best way to know.

I commend you for wanting an answer. It is very important that you are searching this out.

SS

Thanks SS.

I feel it is the right thing to do, and I'm trying to be patient and taking my time about the important decisions.

One of the most important lessons I have learned on MB and onthe very first day was ACT, DON'T REACT.

d day, I was ready to get a divorce. I found MB, did plan A, I'm now in plan B. If I had gotten a divorce I would probably be regretting it now and emotionally in a worse place.

I now believe in plans, sticking to them, having deadlines.

About the job, the worse that can happen is that I go back to my old position and lose 3/4 of the salary but would only work 4 hours. In the meantime because I have not abused them but on the contrary tried to help them get a little self esteem by teaching them the things they need to know, I am not backing down.

Let me give you a few examples: they use Excel as a word processor. They add with a calculator, because they don't know how to do it in excel.

They had never heard of database and kept the data on paper, and counted by listing and counting!

This was in march 2005!

Anyway, the big bosses are supporting me because they know that THEIR job depends on how this works out. At this point it is quite complicated and really not about me.

Apparently I will remain as "deputy" for the moment. Tomorrow I'll know more.

SS,

last year I bought "practical Praying" by John Edward. It's really a very very sweet book. In december I bought a rosary at the statue of Christ in Rio de Janeiro (wonderful experience). And now I pray the Rosary in a practical way nearly every night.

I've just lent the book to my 87 yr old friend.

There are people who go to church because they realize it's good for them, and there are those who go because it makes them look good.

I would guess you go for the former reason, not the latter.
It's just a guess though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Your 87 year old friend probably counts you among her blessings.

Tell me about your friends - have you good friends (close friends?) who have supported you in this?

Or do you feel mostly alone these days?

Is it OK to ask?
I just realized this is one of those questions that if the answer is "NO" there is not a really good way to say it.

But then, I think you are honest, and would say what you think.

SS

It's OK to ask, anything. I'll answer as best I can.

I don't feel I have many friends, but that's just a feeling. WH wasn't the kind to socialize so we didn't do much sociaizing. We were also very busy, or maybe that was the excuse.

Anyway I have one friend who helps me alot. But she's busy too. I'm just not the kind of person who has many friends because I like to spend a lotof time alone. I'm also a little isolated because of my job, because I was very busy most of mylife, but I know a ton of people and have received support from the most unlikely people!


My 87 yr old friend is actually a NEW friend, and mainly I feel sorry for her because she seems to be quite lonely. I just called her and she said she would go to Church tomorrow and would I pick her up if it rained.
Of course I will.

My mother is 82, and her sisters are 84, 80 and 77 and they all have very busy lives!

Does that answer your question?

My daughters are very different. They are very sociable and have tons of friends. When they were small I used to take them to the birthday parties of my friends kids. Obviously they didn't know the kids at the party because they all went to the brithday child's school. But the thing they always talked about was how they had "made a new friend", because they usually did!

Now thay have several different groups of friends so that when one isn't available, another is sure to be! Drives me crazy that they always have someone to go out with! But since it's not a bad thing, I just have to get used to it.

It's OK to ask, anything. I'll answer as best I can.
Thank you, it helps to know someone better before asking what many consider to be personal questions.

I don't feel I have many friends, but that's just a feeling. WH wasn't the kind to socialize so we didn't do much sociaizing. We were also very busy, or maybe that was the excuse.

So, you feel family, and other things were enough? Or he felt that way?


Anyway I have one friend who helps me alot. But she's busy too. I'm just not the kind of person who has many friends because I like to spend a lot of time alone.

Does that mean you are more comfortable reading and sitting than going to events, and socializing?
Tell me a little about yourself - I desire backgrond information.

I am glad for your one friend. I would guess you sometimes feel "My friend has her own life, she is busy, I would be imposing on her............ ??
So sometimes when you would talk to her, you don't ??


I'm also a little isolated because of my job, because I was very busy most of my life, but I know a ton of people and have received support from the most unlikely people!

Sounds like work was really intense some of those years. Like internship? Also raising your daughters takes a lot of time - or did when they were younger.


My 87 yr old friend is actually a NEW friend, and mainly I feel sorry for her because she seems to be quite lonely. I just called her and she said she would go to Church tomorrow and would I pick her up if it rained.
Of course I will.

I am so glad she has a friend like you, and I suspect she is also. How kind of you. Of course, I would have expected it from what I know about you. Has she seen the book yet? How about you, how do you like the book? (Talk about changing the subject <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

My mother is 82, and her sisters are 84, 80 and 77 and they all have very busy lives!

Does your mother live close to you? She must still be in good health.


Does that answer your question?

Yes, and thank you for talking with me.

My daughters are very different. They are very sociable and have tons of friends. When they were small I used to take them to the birthday parties of my friends kids. Obviously they didn't know the kids at the party because they all went to the brithday child's school. But the thing they always talked about was how they had "made a new friend", because they usually did!

I think most children are naturally friendly unless they have had a bad experiance. When you were a child, were you this way also? Or much the same as you are now?

Now thay have several different groups of friends so that when one isn't available, another is sure to be! Drives me crazy that they always have someone to go out with! But since it's not a bad thing, I just have to get used to it.

So does part of the "crazy" have to do with them not being around when you need them? Our daugthers were like that as teens.

The oldest two are married now (one 23, one 21) and they find that coming to visit us us very high on their list of things to do. I would almost bet your daughters will be the same.

You sound a lot better than last fall. It's hard to know all the factors, but whatever the reason, you seem to be doing fine now. Either you changed your focus, or you fake it really well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I suppose we shouldn't forget your friends on MB - you provide good support when you have the time to write to others. Perhaps better support than you know.

Keep up the good work.

SS

CC, just wanted to drop in and say hi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />