Let me see...I remember reading something about that...what was it again?...Oh I'll have to go look darn it.

T,

I am absolutely entitled to not care.

I have been dealing with indifference for 4 years now. I have WH who never even admitted he's having an affair. He just f***** his secretray, spent money on her, lived with her on weekends, who knows what else because he never said, much "there was nothing to talk about"....

He's been LIVING with her for a year and a half and has just gone off to spend some "quality time" in Greece...

Why should I care about myself?

I never had much survival instinct to start with. I have even less now.

CC,
I'm glad you are doing better than when you wrote most of the above posts.

Even if you didn't care, the rest of us would.

Do you have any idea where these bad feelings came from?

I admit I was worried.

SS

I've always had those bad feelings about myself. Now I've realized they are wrong.

Actually it's even worse thana that SS. I realize it's a sin to not appreciate and love myself. It's WRONG.

So I'm working on that.

I've always had those bad feelings about myself. Now I've realized they are wrong.


Feelings are feelings. We do well to consider where they come from, seek to undestand them, then mold them to what we want to be. If we dont' know what we want to be - well then, there you are.

Actually it's even worse thana that SS. I realize it's a sin to not appreciate and love myself. It's WRONG.


If we are to love our neighbor as ourselves - we have to love our self first. That commendment pre-supposes self love. To love ourself, we have to know ourself, be true to ourself, , and be following a course that we know is the right one.

So I'm working on that.


I heard a story once about an elderly lady. She was visited by a young man, and he asked her why she seemed so happy - when many things had gone wrong with her life.

The lady thought for a few moments, then she said "Our life is like a bag - and when we are young, we fill it up with the things we do every day. The people we help, the things we learn....... and so on. When we are old, we take out of the bag, and we are happy then, if we filled it with good when we were young."

CC, I want you to have a happy life. It might just begin with your concept of yourself. You are so much more than you sometimes give you credit for.
You are a daughter of God, and as someone once said "he don't make no junk." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You know that God loves us all, and will accept and help ALL who come to him for help.

Why would you think less of yourself than God thinks of you?

Please think about that one - in a historical context - your own personal history.

I will be interrested in hearing what you think about it.

Remember, feelings are feelings. They often don't relate to reality - but sometimes reflect things about ourselves that we don't understand very well. I really am interrested in hearing your thoughts on this.

SS

SS, give me some time to answer. I have to rethink a whole lot of things.

You can have as much time as you want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Remember we write because we care.

You are worth it, do you realize that?

SS

One more thing -

I've already judged you. I find you to be a wonderful person.

You know your faults, so you may tend to be a little hard on yourself.

True, we need to change, and grow, and improve, but you are doing that. You know this is true. You have come so far.

Don't be afraid to say what you think, we are all on this journey together, we all need help, all have room for improvement. As I said, my judgement has already been made, and you came out well. I don't think you would be able to change it if you tried, I see much to like.

It is good that we help each other along the road to perfection - every chance we get.

Smile CC, it realy is good for us.

SS

Are you back from your trip?

It went well?

You had fun?

SS

Consider it done.

46 is young - I can still remember........ it was 4 years ago for me. Not much change from year to year these days.

SS

SS,

I am generally happier. I'm finally seeing a futur although the picture is not exactly clear yet.

I don't envision recovery, I can't imagine WH repenting, he's too stubborn and so used to being miserable or just comfortable that I'm not sure he even knows that one can be happy, ectasic, joyful, etc. And if he never bothered to work on the marriage before, in spite of my having explicitly talked to him about it a few times in the past(conflict avoidance didn't let me insist) and after all he's done lately (he's in europe with OW, a trip we always dreamed of doing but we either did not have the money, or lately he didn't "have time")I don't think he will repent. And if he doesn't repent, there's no possible marriage.

After my chat with the priest and having thought about things, I've decided that to be true to myself I will have to remain married, because the catholic Church does not accept dissolution. So I'm planning my life with that in mind.

On the whole I am happier. Uncertainty is very bad for the soul. I'm making decisions for myself.

The trip was a 1 day thing and it rained but I had a good time, and found a funny story which had me laughing to myself for quite a while. I plan to take many of these short trips now for work.

By the way SS,I'm 48 now!

Oh, I'm 58, and happier than I've ever been. Small trips sound fun - especially where you live.

Believer, you can do the same - small trips to Mexico, Canada, and Hawaii. Only stay for a month or so....... so you don't get bored.

CC,
Sorry about the mix up - 48 is the same age as my W.
She seems young to me - but then you probably feel young if you dance in your office, and play music loud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I see you are trying to make the best of the job situation. I really hope you can make it work for you. The attitude will help anyway.

Believer,
I see your life is still exciting, and you havn't lost your sense of humor. Good for you.

SS

The furthest you can go inside the country is about 6 hours by car, so I could visit the whole country taking day trips!

This time I stayed the night because I wanted to walk around and get something or see something that would distinguish this city from all the others! What I found (walked half the town in the morning)was a monument to Christopher Columbus with a globe on top where the town people in 1892 put in a lead box with notes, memories of the moment, coins etc. It was opened in 1992 and everything had survived! Another box with stuff from 1992 was put in for the people who will be around in 2092. Cute story and the 1892 box and stuff was on display in the museum on the same square.
On the same square there is an old church (the main church) which burned in 1997, nearly completely. Only the facade remained. So modern architect redid the inside in brick, very modern and with special natural lighting effects etc. Seems that a local artist was chosen to carve a cross for the new church and he made one with Christ NOT crucified, but with his hands to his side. This caused a whole lot of controversy with the people and the Church and they finally had it taken down and a regular Cross put up. The museum guide told me all this. According to her the priest who was in the Church was from Colombia and therefore not as .... as us ??? she meant modern or something I guess, and he was the person who mainly didn't like the modern cross. Now picture me at 10 am in this museum with about 4 rooms and only me, the guide and the caretaker in the museum.... So I asked her for a picture of the cross and she looked to see if by chance there was one around but couldn't find one where it was clearly visible.
So I said, I wonder if they have a picture in the library which is right next to the Church?

And she says very emphatically: "oh no! they won't have anything!"
So I said:"what a pity the Church is closed"
she looking at theChurch through the trees: "yes, well I don't know what time the priest gets up...."

That's what made my day! That she should think that the Church opened when the priest got up! and it was 10:00 in the morning!

Anyway it turned out that the Church was open,I got to see the inside, but no sign of the problem Cross...

That's what made my day! That she should think that the Church opened when the priest got up! and it was 10:00 in the morning!

I feel that way some mornings. That made me laugh.

It's fun to travel, shall I send you information aobut traveling in our part of the world so you can dream?

SS

I've seen the pictures SS, it's beautiful.... No wonder you are happy and peaceful. Nature does that for you.
But do send some pictures.

T&L I think the t-shirts would be a great idea! Specially since they don't speak english!
They might even wear them!

That sounded so neat about the box. I feel like going out and digging holes now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi cc...

Sounds like your travels were wonderful.

I've come to really enjoy those little trips by myself. At first I didn't like doing that because I was so accustomed to sharing trips / memories with xW, but now I've gotten to the point that I can enjoy moments like this by myself.

Keep up the good work.

Georgia

SS, you asked for an upate so here goes.

It's a good quiet but some "things" are going on. Nothing spectacular like Georgia's life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> but small signs of who knows what result!

A few background notes: during may WH traveled with OW to Europe, for a three day work conference but a 21 trip all over Europe. We don't have many details because it was "secret" of course! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I've been organizing the trip to my niece's wedding and my travel agent called me and told me she had got some good prices (1200 dollars) but that we had to pay by last friday. So I sent the message to WH who had said he would pay the girls' tickets.

I sugested we could use some savings that WE have.

He sent me a very angry e mail saying that no way were we going to use that money because this was and unnecessary trip only for fun and that he did not have the money at this moment and it was unrealistic to expect him to have it just like that. He could pay about a third now and the rest in a month or so.

I took my time and wrote him back sayng that I would never touch any of the money (not saying "our" "your" etc) without his agreement since he was still the head of the family (thank you Orchid), that we were trying to live the way HE determined we should with what he culd give us but of there was any problem to please let me know.
I told him I disagreed about the trip being for fun and unnecessary since family was very important for us and my sister and neice have no family in USA so it was very important for all of us to be there.

Since he had signed off very coldly, I asked him what I deserved to be treated like a stranger, when after all I was still his wife and we were still his family. I reminded him that legally he could change that, if that was what he wanted.

Essentially that was my answer.

The following morning he brought over a check for 1/3 of the cost of the tickets (I paid them anyway and hope he will send me the rest in a month).

The following day he was seeing the girls so I sent him 30 dollars to cover some books I had bought with his credit card, a fact I had mentioned in my answer.

The result was that he sent the 30 dollars back with the message that I should use them for our trip, he was also greatly concerned about my car which was in the mechanics and sent the message that he would pay for it.

I thanked him thru e mail and he immediatly answered with a request for me to speak to DD3 about some plans he has which he doesn't agree with and asking if my car had been repaired and how much it cost!

This is the first time he has tried to discuss a problem with DDs in all this time!

This was all these last few days. Today dd3 who is still extremely angry with him, was going to the seaside for a few days and WH came to pick her up at 7 am to have breakfast alone with her before she leaves and give her money etc.

So something is happening... let's hope it's a good thing.

Lately I'm VERY CALM about everything. I have no anxiety at all, no nervousness. I don't expect anything.

At work things may be changing too, although nobody says anything to me. I'm still in the same position... but something will happen soon. I have a work trip coming up and when my ex employees realize that I am going (if I go) it will produce great anger. If I don't go I will know what the authorities are up to. Either way I'm in the position of "God's will be done", I'm not interfering.

I'm busy and happy and all those other things happening around me I don't try to find out about and let them work themselves out. I'm in plan B after all....protecting myself.

On the other hand I visited my 104 yr old friend for her birthday. This is a friend of WH's family but they are very kind and friendly and supportive of me.

I continue my relationship with my 87 yr old friend and this week I took one of WH's aunts to visit another of his aunts... I hadn't seen them for a while.

So things seem to be settling into a "new routine", finally.