sry this is posted on Emotional Needs just in case you have already saw this post


hey all new to site looks great.

warning this might be a long one!

I really dont know where to start so if I go back and forth sry.

Me and my husband have been together since we was around 17 we are now 36 with 2 girls.

Every sinse I can remember he has had what Dr. Harley calls outburst. Bad temper. And for the last 5yrs I have got to the point that I just dont love him want to have sex with him and so on. And I have told him why but he says that I remember every thing bad he does and not the good. And he also stated what about me and my feeling. (in other words he dont care if I dont want to have sex with him just as long as he gets some once a week)That I should just get over his outbrust. And I have also told him that most people remember the bad over the good but he dont buy that one.

Now most of our fights no matter what it starts out about ends up him starting in on me how i dont love him anymore how i have not touched him in years and blah blah. He does not have these outbrust everyday he can go for a few mo's without them or it could be once a month. they happen most of the time when things are not going the why he thks or wants them to go. So because they dont happen all the time he does not see what the big problem is.

ex. of his outburst are. or when he says hurtful things.

the other morning he tried to have sex i said no he called me a hag. I gave he a dirty look(I was still half asleep) the he said F you because I gave him the dirty look. I said something to him last night about it when he ask what his chances where. I said well you no I am a hag. and i reminded him of what happened and he said well you know i didnt mean that. then he said i would take one day of things like that form you over a years of neglect. I said i would take one day of neglect over years of name calling.

about 2 weekends ago he got his car stuck in our drive on the side there is a telephone pole. well i could go no where and was real close to hitting the pole. there was kids out and my 13yr girl came out and kind of laughed he sceamed are you laughing at me and she said no i was in my car letting him out of drive i got out and said I am(not knowing how mad he was and really i was just laughing at that situation how often would you get stuck in the grass??) well that really made him mad and he sceamed F you f you to me. and he says that i Made a full of him. neigbors and kids saw and heard that. I told him I didnt deserve that but he thks he was right.

in november he got mad at me when we was out with some friends at a little bar not even a mile from our house. its was over how many times he had been to church with us i said 2 or 3 times sense we moved to our new church and he went off and said it was 6 and got mad and left. and walked home i waited about and hr and went home. he even asked my 13yr old how many times she thought he had been and she said the same thing 2 or 3 and he told her she was nuts. well we stayed up all night fighting over that him screaming how i dont love him and so on. wanted me to take him to a motel i said no he calle cab 13 yr old was crying. at one pt he threw my purse of the counter and knocked over a kitchen chair I told him to get the f out then. so then after he said he was leaving in the first place it was my fault he was leaving because i told him to after he started knock things all of the place. he told my 13yr he had to leve because i told him to. (he already called a cab)


there are so many more . but the thing the confuses me is. people say if you dont want to have sex you are withholding or not meeting needs??

HOW CAN I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT DOES THIS KIND OF STUFF TO ME AM I WRONG. SHOULD HE HAVE TO GO WITHOUT UNTIL HE CHANGES HIS WAYS. AND I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

he thks that i am being abusive to him. I can not force myself to want him in that way.

I have read self help books( and when he sees them he says they are how to get reid of your husband books)

i have asked him a number of times to see someone with me. he says a counslor will not make you love me. your love for me is gone and there is nothing i can do to get it back i have pushed you to far away its to late even if i gave you the moon. he says i am just trying to push him away i say he is making me push him away. he thks just because he does not throw a fit for 2 or more wks that everything should be fine. but i no sooner or later a fit will come. its like am in a no win situtation here he gets mad over sex gets mean thinks that I am withholding from him. I can not give to him as long as I know in the back of my head that if i say no what might happen.(a out burst)


he just dont understand. and it drives me nuts.
What can I do or say to make him understand if anything at all? I really dont think he would read any of the books on here he does not think he needs help if only I would change my ways he would not act this why(is his thinking)
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<small>[ March 16, 2005, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: 315mkl ]</small>

What can I do or say to make him understand if anything at all?

Guess no one has a clue what to tell me!

The only advice I have for you is to kick him out (his abusive, explosive behavior is dangerous), and go get yourself AND your kids some counseling, even if he won't go with you. Hopefully someone else will have more advice for you on your problem. I feel for you, though.