<BR> We had a magical night last night and I thought this time would be different, but when we met for lunch today he was far from the Cloud 9 I was on. He began telling me how he was instant messaging with who he thought was the friend of mine (male) who my SO thought I was having an affair of the heart with. He said he could tell it was not him and asked if I was using this OM's screen name. I told him that he seems to be thinking about this OP 100% more than me. I told him that I ended the friendship in APril and have not thought about him since or had contact with him. My SO seems to be obsessed with this person.<P>How do I help him stop this obsession? I know this is partly why we have such troubles moving forward. He says that he believes that if I had my way, I wouldn't be with him, but I'd be with this OP.<P>I met this OP over 10 years ago at a military school and we talked a lot after leaving the school. We have never lived in the same state and he has been out of the country for about a year. We met when I was single and he was married. We have never been anything more than friends. We lost contact for about 5 years and he e-mailed me out of the blue last year. We spent most of our e-mails catching up about our lives and our families. I had told my SO previously that I was trying to locate this person to catch up our lives and he never seemed to mind. I told him from the beginning that this man found my e-mail address and that we were e-mailing. <P>He just can't seem to let go of this OP. It drives me crazy, but to really make things nuts, I think I'm obsessed with proving to my SO that it is him that I want and I am true to him. Most sane people would probably tell my SO to take a hike if they were in my shoes especially since we aren't married.<P>I guess this takes us right back to my first post here "Nothing is ever good enough". I try so hard to make him see the love I have for him. His low self-esteem keeps getting in the way and I don't know how to boost that.<P>Any ideas? I know this sounds so messed up and I'm sure you'll think I'm crazy to put myself through this. He is a wonderful person and I love him for who I know he is.<P><P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>

Hi Again,<P>Just responded on your "weening"thread <BR>and all I can say here is what I said on <BR>there......<P>He is using the OP as a tool of chaos.<P>Part of the cycle.....<P>You were nice and loving - so time to <BR>zap you with the chaos.......<P>He needs a counselor who specializes <BR>with these kinds of things.<P>If you really want to help him.....find <BR>that kind of counselor!!!!!<P>I'm saying prayers for you!!<P>Yes, I'm sure that he is a good and <BR>caring person or else you wouldn't love <BR>him and want him with all this going on <BR>in the relationship.<P>He just needs to deal with why he <BR>sabotages it.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba - I haven't gotten to your reply to my Weening thread, but I'll go there next. I do know he needs intensive counseling and so does he until his obsession gets in the way and he thinks it's all me. When he talks about this OP his face gets so hard and sinister. His whole posture takes on this hard evilness. I'm really starting to look hard at our relationship and wonder if I can do this the rest of my life. I just want a simple life. He's so intensely serious and I'm extremely laid back. He can't accept that in me.<P>Anyway, I'll check the other thread. Thank you for your input.<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>

Sheba - I haven't gotten to your reply to my Weening thread, but I'll go there next. I do know he needs intensive counseling and so does he until his obsession gets in the way and he thinks it's all me. When he talks about this OP his face gets so hard and sinister. His whole posture takes on this hard evilness. I'm really starting to look hard at our relationship and wonder if I can do this the rest of my life. I just want a simple life. He's so intensely serious and I'm extremely laid back. He can't accept that in me.<P>Anyway, I'll check the other thread. Thank you for your input.<P>------------------<BR>Carpe Diem<BR>~~ Lady K ~~<P><BR>