Wife of 22 years had affair 4/99 to 6/99. OM dumped her for younger woman. She was 7 years older than om I am 14 years older. me-53 wife 46 om-38.I found out 7/20/99 about affair until then really had no clue. We have been trying to put things back together since 7/20/99. I am luckier than most since OM ended affair. My wife has told me she made a mistake and wants to move forward in working on our marriage. I do to. My problem is I go for one week sometimes two weeks and everything is fine, then I picture them together in very intimate situations and it drives me crazy. I tell her I want a divorce, and just want the pain to go away. Can anyone help me overcome this??? If I can get by this I think we can move forward , and have the type marriage we all want.

xjnelson,<P>Welcome to MB. I'm sorry that we all find ourselves here, but under the circumstances, this is a great place. There are a lot of very caring and helpful people here.<P>Now, I'm gonna ask some of the "standard" questions....<BR>Are you in counseling? Is you W in counseling? Are you on Anti-depressants?<P>I wish I had a magic cure for getting over this.... I'd give it away. I honestly think that counseling would help you to deal with these images and issues. The first thing you must remember is that your W is still with YOU, and she is willing to work on making things better. There are a lot of people here who would give thier right arm, and both legs to have that. <P>It takes time. I know it is hard, but you have to keep focused on your goal - a successful and happy marriage.<P>I'll be checking back in..... I wish you all the very best.<P>Thoughts & prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Just another quick thought..... I just read the "Can it ever be the same" thread posted by F A. You might want to check it out. There are some very good posts on that thread.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Yes we are both in counseling together and I am not on any type of anti-depressents. I know you are right about where we are compared to most couples on this board. That is why it is so important for me to figure out how to control these thoughts and not run her off. when I let my feelings take control of my brain.

I'm glad you are in counseling. That will help you both alot.<P>I just thought of something else..... When I was having "bad thoughts", I would do something to distract myself. I would exercize, or clean house, or do anything to stop the images & thoughts. You might want to give that a try. Maybe, if your W is there when you start having these thoughts, try to make some new happy memories.... use these to replace the bad thoughts.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Hi Xj<P>Sorry you are here and you are experiencing an emotional rollercoaster.. thats all. Keep focused on the end of the ride and try to understand what your goal is when you are down.<P>When I first discovered W affair I was 100% gone.. In time and understanding it went to 0%. Hard to believe but it will happen with time, understanding the complexity and patience. <P>Other things you will go through is questioning a revenge affair, questioning your man hood for staying and all sorts of things. Keep posting and reading, MB will help you through the bad times and celebrate the good times.<P>Cheers

Forgiveness, time, and WORK!!! Lots of work. <P>Have you figured out what the triggers are of having those images in your mind?<BR>