Ok here it is...<P>I had asked my stbx, to come to his daughters meet the teacher night, (which is tonight) and he had said yes tuesday.. we were standing in front of my daughter, talking casual, (which is not all that much, normally) and he said it in front of her, as though he is definitly going... <P>now today, he called and left me a message he is not going, but will remain with my daughter, while I go alone... didn`t give his reason why.. <P>What would you do or say if you were me...<P>remember this is a coward, professional avoider... and even though (I know he is still atracted to me) we had our one time, in a long time, casusal talk, does he have to be so stupid to do this to our daughter..!<P>If I approach him in any way, or form about it, I know he will not respond as freindly as I would like, (not that he would be rude in front of our daughter) but he will stick to his guns, (stubborn as he is) and back off, as usual, being he can`t face, stress. emotional termiol, or any thing to do with me.... <P>I wish I could put it into words, in some way, that would get through to him, that this is important to our daughter, for him as well as I to meet the teachers, and to do it for her sake.. and although, those exact words, can be said, easily, (for/from me) he will feel I am pushing him to do so, for me as well as for her... (our daughter, is 11/12 yrs old, and is in middle school now, her first yr there, and it is a whole new experience for her, that I`m sure she will want to share with him, and have him know all the teachers she comes home to talk about...) it is a very vulnerable age, and being she came into menstral, as well, a very sensative age, also... <P>please reply asap....<BR>thanks<P>AV

Anster,<P>I guess this reply is probably too late for you, but in case there's still time left, I answer quickly. If I were you, I wouldn't do anything. I'd go alone and wouldn't say a word to him about it. Why? Because he knows all the reasons he should go already (unless he is a complete idiot??), but his conflict avoidance is preventing him from it. There's nothing you can do about that, on the spot that is. If you say anything or pressure him, he will consider it a lovebuster and he will then have the excuse and justification to mistreat you or stay away completely. Don't give him that excuse. He is going to have to understand that he needs to make changes in himself. You aren't going to be able to convince him of that.<P>The best thing that could happen would be for your daughter to say something to him. Or at least for her to ask him why he didn't want to go.<P>Living with a conflict avoider is a tough thing. I know, been there. I sympathize with you greatly, and I hope your H starts to get it. If this is too late, I hope things went well for you. Hang in there!<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

Gee! There's no reason you can't enthusiastically share with him what was discussed, and actually in front of your daughter (becaue I'm sure there are things that she did that were positive.)!<P>Maybe he thought that the teacher was aware of the affair, and was going to discuss how it is affecting your daughter? <P>The plus about sharing, is it makes your daughter feel like you and your husband are proud of her accomplishments.<BR>