Feeling a need to vent. H and I went to our first counselors appointment today. Well it started out ok, we talked about H's problems in his life. Then the problems in mine. Then it was almost over when I broke in and said that my main problem right now is trust. Then the counselor proceeds to tell me that the whole trust issue is based on me and how I am, and that I get healthy with myself that the trust issue will be mute...HELLO...don't I have a right to feel that I can't trust due to the lies and things that H has pulled on me??? So the counselor says to let it go and get some distance. Well I said I feel like we need to work on the marriage between appointments. He says that we should just let it go and figure out where we are by our selves until our next couples appointment. (Which won't be for 5 weeks because we each have to be seen alone once first) He said just be businesslike and don't discuss anything but the kids, house, money...stuff like that. Well, H is agreeing to this so I said ok. I left the appoinment and was in tears. I am not OK with that. I told H if he is I will try...but that I don't agree and I will be telling the counselor that I don't agree next friday when I go in for my individual appointment.<P>On the upside...H said that given the things that have happened I have every reason not to trust him. And he made a commitment not to contact OW while we are working things out.<P>Would like to hear what you all think...<BR>Thanks<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P>

Jaded--<P>Did the counselor outline what will be worked on in upcoming couple counseling?<P>I had a bad experience with counseling, and was pretty much told that we should work through a book he highly recommended. If we wanted to continue weekly appointments with him, he'd be happy to check our progress, on the book. But that was it. I thought...huh??????? One of the reasons we went to counseling is because trying to work through books wasn't working!<P>Oh well. I still believe in counseling despite my own bad experience.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

Jaded -<BR>Follow your own instincts. My advice to you - FIND ANOTHER COUNSELOR. Went through an experience where I felt uncomfortable with counselor, he offered no guidance, just told me I must be devistated. Several weeks later our pastor told us not to ever go back to him as he had been having "mental" affairs with his female patients, nothing ever physical, he would only think about them. You do need to try to work things out and talk between visits. You cannot be business like, you need to work on your marriage. Read Dr. Harleys book, use that for counseling in between if you need to. It helped me more than actually seeing someone.<P>dc