My stbx came in for the weekend to see the kids for Easter, he is currently living in Virginia with his folks. We had actually a great weekend, we got to pretend to be family and I was in complete and total denial of what was actually happening in my life. When he left I told him that I thought it would be best if we didn't talk to one another because I just can't handle the pain anymore, I need time to heal and keeping him in my life I can't do that. I had a really hard day yesterday and sent a email that I didn't think was as bad as the response I got, please let me know what you all think.




Michael,

You loving me doesn’t change the fact that I am trying to support the family and work a full-time job without any help. You say you did it for all those years. Michael if the school called you went to pick them up you didn’t have to tell your boss in fear of being fired that you had to leave yet again because of behavior or sickness. I didn’t just sit on my butt all those years, I worked a full time job even 2 at times. Why can’t you ever give me the credit for what I did do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I am doing now!!!!!!!!! And we won’t talk about being fair, this whole fiasco isn’t fair. Did you think I planned on being a single mom of 8 children at the age of 34, that is every girls fantasy come true isn’t it. I just wake up every morning saying, I love being lonely and no one to share my life and children with, I enjoy not having a warm touch and arms around me. Sure if I wanted I could get it of course as soon as I mention my 8 children one would bolt so fast it isn’t funny, I am faced with a life of loneliness for quite some time because I am the woman, you’re the guy, you don’t have the responsibility moms are required to have after the divorce, we are the former life, the guys get the new life, the former wife gets the shattered past and the consoling of the little broken hearts caught in the crossfire. Am I having a pity party, yep I am because I can, there is no one here to tell me I can’t and you know if I want to cry I can, its my party.



I am not talking about being supportive in the sense of listening, you made it very clear on several occasions you don’t want to hear it anymore nor are you interested to hear what I have to say about anything or anyone and I can appreciate that we will soon not be married and how many people really have their ex’s as their best friend, another fantasy. I am really good at imagining things that really aren’t true, hence the “happily ever after” I really thought that was how life was. NOT



I know I am being very cynical, I know that I don’t have the best attitude in the world today, I didn’t expect to, I told you ahead of time what this past weekend would do to me. I thank God that I have Divorcecare tomorrow night because it will help me to get through the rest of the week. I just want to get back to work so that I can get away from the thoughts.


I went and worked out today for the first time, I have my first personal training session tomorrow at 11:00am. Seth loved it today, I was there from 8:00 til 10:30am talk about working your stress away.

I don’t want you to think I am being bitchy, I am not, I am just wanting to work things out as far as the kids in a businesslike matter, so that I can plan my schedule accordingly. I am trying to work out the logistics and that has nothing to do with whether you are in love with me or how I am the love of your life, it has to do with me being able to work so that I can’t support our children and provide them with the things they need. This isn’t about who hurt who, and who was there or who wasn’t I just need to be able to plan life around the current situation and the “when I move I can help”. You told me that you would be living here to help me with the kids.

When people break up why is it suddenly the responsibility of the mother to make sure to be where she has to be and the children get where they need to be and the father just has them for fun time on the weekends that is what isn’t fair. Not fair at all. You don’t even have them on the weekends now, You can pick them up on Friday and drop them off on Sunday…..you never even talked about seeing the kids again when you were here.



Right now we have no plans for when you will see the kids again, we should have set visitation even if you’re in Virginia, you got a car now but you can’t put them all in it. You didn’t get a car that a father of 8 has, you got a car for a guy who no longer has to deal with his bitchy wife and kids again. I am sorry that you feel you were burdened with your children all of those years and that now you decided its time for you to have a life you’re done with them.
Like I said before, I guess it is my concern not yours, I talked to my attorney and I am attending the parenting class on April 5th and April 7th meeting with him, we can be divorced the end of April. April 22nd will be two years from the original filing date, no one can ever say we didn’t try, more like beating a dead horse.

Again I don’t feel why I had the need to write to you, it all falls on a deaf ear because you didn’t hear anything I was saying in the previous email…….

If only the song rang true “All we need is love”

What does that have to do with the kids and not placing everything on my shoulders!!!!! I know I know, you say deal with it not my concern!!!!!!

Sorry for rambling yet again, I am not being mean in the least bit, I am just trying to figure out what to do with my life!!!!!!!!!! I am not in the least bit mad at you I am just venting so please don’t take it that way.

Love, Shari

His reply to it was
Quit screwing with my heart!

Goodbye! And I thought this weekend was so great. The one before it even better. I sent you an email saying just how I felt, and as your M.O. you ran my feelings into the ground. Screw them, they mean nothing!!!



I hope your happy…



God Bless you, and your future. I am now done. You have baked me to a crisp!



I need as much advice as I can get, was that email as bad as he said it was. I have been crying all night and this morning, I just want to be done with this....I don't know why I care what he feels. Why can't I just let him go and be done with it, why do I keep going back for more? How can I break the cycle and be saved from myself?

Mx8,
It's too bad this forum was not working when you wrote that letter, we could have helped you refine it some. But what's done is done:) IMHO, it does have a tone to it that is accusatory, and it appears your H seems to think so too. Never vent in an email to your spouse. Vent here! Even though everything you said is probably an accurate picture of what's going on, the other person will never understand because they're still in the fog. They will always take the worst part of what was said and run with it, as your H did.

Now I hope you remember me from Tough Love - I would never excuse your H's behavior at all. He is totally irresponsible. Regardless of what happens, this man will always be your kids' father. You will HAVE to interact with him in the future due to the fact you have kids together. If there is any way possible, I would consider writing another email with an apology in it. You don't need to grovel, be to the point. Tell him it was a picture of your frustration. Try not to be antagonistic at this point (when you're working on finalizing divorce). I'm glad you have Divorce Care tonight...see what feedback you get there, too.

thank you for your support, I did what you said and sent an email with an apology, I am going to leave it at that. I am very emotional today and just tired and weary...I am so glad I have Divorcecare tonight...

Why aren't you getting support from your H? You can get a lawyer who will request temporary until you divorce or reconcile or legally separate.