I tried to go back to my old post so I can add a new post, and it won't let me open it. I can see the tread but when I click it, it doesn't open.
I guess I shall start a new one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I will give an update about what happened during the WEEK that MB was down.

Saturday I had instructed WH to come get his things between 2-3 pm and that they would be on the lawn. He came and took took what he wanted and left the 'trash'. Then he called and I answered (it was private) and as soon as he said 'Danielle, I have a question' I hung up. He then called back and left a message saying he needs his tux (from our wedding) to use when he married OW. *barf* He isn't getting it...
I took a picture (through the window) of him getting his things. Not sure why...I just did.
OW wasn't in the car, he must have left her at the corner store. I have a protection order against her, so that is a good thing that she wasn't here. AHHH the drama. He then kept leaving messages all day saying that he isn't going to play my game, that I am wasting his time...etc.
Then he just called and I was on the phone and got a beep, I clicked over, and guess who...
I said, if I am wasting your time, then don't call, because you are wasting my time right now. Hung up. He then called and left a message saying he needs his suit (not tux this time) to get a job so he can make lots of money. AHHHH!
He gets my blood boiling, and my nerves a mess! I hate this man, I really do. Yet, at the same time, I love him, and I cry because I miss him. I feel like I am dying inside. No matter how much I work to get myself on a good path, and get my life in order, I miss him...the old him.

Sunday : I talkd to my In-Laws. I love them, and they love me, they also love their son. They don't talk to him often, in fact they talk to him much less then they talk to me. They know I am moving to Maine soon. They asked me tonight when and where. The problem is that I don't want to lie to them (which I did) but I don't want my husband knowing where I am going to live right now. I am honestly scared of him, in the state that he is in. What and how do I tell them about my location and move? They love their grandkids, and I would never hide them for them, but I KNOW that if my husband asked where I lived, they would tell....

Since I told my WH that he was wasting MY time by calling he hasn't called back...

Monday: Monday was one of those days when you wish you had a rewind button and could start over and try again.
I had been running around getting papers and medical records and such before we move. While packing I came across my husband school books. (Two totes of them). I was going up by his work so I figured while I was up there I would just leave them in his car. Well I got there at 2pm. Right as I drive up to his car I see him standing next to it, working under the hood. I go to turn around and leave, and he sees me. We are in this little side parking lot where he parks his car. He stands in front of my car, so that I can't get by and says 'WHAT' I rolled down my window and said I was here to bring you your books because I thought you would be at work still, but since I didn't want to talk to you right now, I am leaving. He says 'well give them to me now because I have a job interview in Boston on Friday' Then before I can do anything, OW appears. She had parked down the row and was in her car, I guess. She comes up to me acting all stupid saying 'want some of this?' pointing to her breasts. Then I go to drive off, because my husband moved and she starts coming at the car saying 'come back so I can kick your a$$. AHHHH! So I drove off, down to the entrance and called the base police. I have a protection order against her . They police came, but because my order is in the local court and I didn't have the paperwork with me in the car they couldn't serve her. They just filed a report and I told me that I have to file a violation with the city. So okay. She told the officer that I was harassing her. How is that? I was trying to LEAVE!! I went down to the court and filed a violation and set up a court date for April 21st. Thing is, I am moving to Maine Friday. I almost want to just ignore it and move, but on the other hand I want to document everything. Tough choice.
It is hard to see my husband standing there, defending the OW. He acts like I am doing some horrible thing by even being alive. He has no idea all the things I have done for him..he has simply forgotten. Sad...
The OW had some miniature pincher dog, that must be new. Funny how my husband HATES small dogs... Boy how things change when the OW likes them.
He would let her hurt me...that's the scary part. She is so darn ugly.
I could have let her yell at me and just driven off and ignored it, but the point is she has a protection order, and she continues to break it.

Last Night: While watching the Amaznig Race I get a telephone call. I answered and it was the OW. She said 'How many times have you f'ed Adam since August?' I said 'Hello, is this really you calling me?' She then went on about how she is sick of having people put their hands on her, and sick of me, and sick of my husband. She said 'you want him back, have him' I said 'I have a peace bond against you, don't call me' and hung up. Then I called the police. Now I have to go to court again today to file a follow up violation.

As far as how I am feeling and what I am thinking through all of this....
I need help coming to terms that I getting a divorce. The word brings tears to my eyes, and makes me want to be sick. There is really no hope...if I am honest with myself. He wants her, he has thrown his life away to be with her. They live togther, and have since August. He tries his best to make my life misrible, and if given the chance he would watch her hurt me. He doesn't love me, he doesn't want to be with me. I need to accept it. Yea, I can fool myself with this 'fog' idea..but let's get real. Even if she left him, he would always think about her. I can't deal with her name, her picture, the thought of her. Or him...in this 'person' he is being. Yet, I can't accept it.

I get by each day, with the screwy hope that one day everything will be okay, and we will be happy with our children. Everyone thinks I am crazy to think that...maybe I am. I just can't see myself without him. I can't see my kids without their Dad. I can't see my life having to allow my kids to see HER.

Danielle

Danielle, the ambivalence is difficult for me too. Letting go of the past, wanting what's best for yourself, wanting what's best for your children, wanting what's best for your WS, and knowing what is and isn't possible... they all compete in your heart. You have to change what you want and let go of the parts you can't control. It takes a long time for all that stuff to get into alignment. It will, eventually, but everything seems to shift slowly, like a glacier.

Once in a while, I'll have a brief flurry where I'm glad my wife isn't around. There are some things about her that I don't miss. I've known all along that there were things about her I wouldn't miss, but now I'm actually feeling it sometimes. Amazing. It only took a year.

At this rate, in about 20 years I won't think about her at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

sorry you are going thru this danigirl, just keep your cool, you are not the bad person here, keep reporting ow, as you do not deserve her abuse. What does she not understand about restraining order?

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Bump up for more help for DGinVA

Thank you...
Every time I think 'she can't be dumb enough to.......' She does it..

I am feeling every emotion right now, besides happy.
Danielle

Well this afternoon I filed the subpeona for the telephone records. I feel like I have a new home, the court house. I hate it!

On a different note.. My children have a chromosomal disorder, and my daughter went in for blood work earlier this week. We got the results today. In short, things are not looking good for her. Nothing 'serious' just not the good results we were hoping for. I called my MIL to tell her, and she was upset. She started crying at the fact that my husband doesn't know and that he isn't around to help. I have no way to contact him, and he doesn't care if I do or don't Sad.....
Danielle

DanigirlinVA,
We haven't "met" yet, but your story was so full of pain I just wanted to say how sorry I was to read it. (((Danielle))). This board is so new right now and kind of wacked out, so please don't get discouraged if posts are kind of slow right now.

IMHO the best thing you can do for YOU right now, is take care of YOU and your children. Your H isn't the man you always knew before and interaction with him sounds really toxic and unhealthy. That isn't going to change until he he can hopefully hit bottom with OW and realize what he lost in you. I know it looks bad now, but divorce isn't a foregone conclusion, unless of course you want a D. Give it some time in Maine to think about.

So, I know you have RO's and stuff, but really, avoid all interaction with H and OW. I know you didn't know all of that was going to happen, but in retrospect, would it have been better to have him come get his things when you weren't there? Or, would it be possible to bring his books and things to a friend of his to drop off? Screen your calls, change your cell phone/phone number, whatever it takes is my advice. Don't give them any chance to poison your life right now.

Time for you to start thinking about you and kids, OK? They need you more than ever now. Move to Maine, tell in-laws you will call them and don't give contact info. Set up a PO box for your mail to come from courts/in-laws/mutual friends...whomever you can think of that would give your H access to where you are.

I've never been through something like this, but I hope this gives you a little strength. I know it's hard, but the H you love isn't himself right now and you can't change that. This is going to take awhile. Boy, OW sounds nasty!

Hang in there. From what I read, you've made amazing steps so far. How strong you seem! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Keep progressing.
GS

I really like the new format...right up until I log in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You're having a really tough time, and trying to move your household for an inter-state move too.:( But you still seem to be showing remarkable strength through it all. You should definately give yourself a pat on the back. You're tough...and don't let anyone ever tell you different!:)

Just my opinion, but there ain't no kind of MAN, who would dump off his wife and kids and let them fend for themselves this way. I'm sorry to say it.:(

I'm not sure what to tell you in terms of Marriage-Building. It must seem like a lost cause to you by now. But I've notices that the beauty of Plan B, is that it can work either way. If WH comes home, great. You've preserved your love, and shown him what he was missing. And if he doesn't, and it ends up going to Plan D....you've learned to do without him.

Plan B is win/win. And it'll be easier to accomplish in the manner in which it was designed, once you've made your way back home.

I hope you'll get yourself a lawyer the minute you arrive. And a good one too! You're going to need to make sure you've still got a restraining order against OW as soon as you get there. And honey, if you're even the least bit afraid of WH....ask for a protective order from him as well. Based on his personality changes over the last year or so, it's possible that it won't be necessary to prove that he's physically or verbally threatened you. It can't hurt to ask.

As far as his personal possessions go, I'd give them all back...including the tux. If he can wear that tux to marry another woman, and not be bothered with memories of you and the last time he wore it, then he's got no soul, and you're well shed of him.

Anything that has value as a joint asset, you should of course allow the court to decide upon. Personal possessions should probably be surrendered, but it's not necessary for you to do it personally. Put his stuff in black garbage bags out on the lawn for him to pick up. Whatever he doesn't take, leave out for the trashman....conveniently already bagged up. Let him know in advance that you will not be held accountable on moving his personal goods, and that anything he leaves is gone.

But if it's too late for that and you have to take his stuff with you, consider surrendering his possessions to his mother when you get home. You just don't need the additional aggravation. There's going to be SO much for you to do when you get there.

And I think changing phone numbers and email addresses is a really good idea. If it were me, I'd give my MIL one good method of contact, and ask her NOT to share it with WH. If she protects it then great, you've kept some in-roads with the family. If not, then you know where you stand.:(

I don't think I'd leave WH any method to contact me at all, except through legal channels. And if he wants to see his children, that's probably best left to court-supervised visitation. Personally, I'd be 'boiled in oil' before OW ever got near them. So getting the legalities wrangled out immediately would be imperative to me. I probably would NEVER sign a divorce agreement that didn't specifically bar OW from contact on a permanent basis! I wonder if you can do that????