Good Morning, CHIEF GODDESS MIMI...

There have gotten to be so many doggone GODDESSES on this site, that I'm afraid if I miss one I may have to endure HER ROYAL HIGHNESSES' wrath.

Speaking of GODDESSES...what do you suppose has happened to GODDESS FYR?

I miss her.

Georgia

To avoid GODDESS confusion, I give you permission to just call me MIMI..

I'm worried about FYR, too.

Hope she shows up soon.

I would like to bid a good night and weekend to MIMI, all GODDESSES, fellow WARRIORS, and assorted other lurkers here.

Have a good weekend, all....

Georgia

EDIT - I still haven't heard from WW about the income tax. So...I called her cell phone (she didn't answer) and left a message for her to call me if she needs me to sign the forms today). To you electronics filers: Could she have filed electronically without my signature?

Yes, she could. I'm not sure about how any refund would be handled. In my case, I had the federal refund electronically deposited in my account - which was still a joint account at that time. I don't know if they verify that it is a joint account. If they issue a check, it either must be deposited in a joint account, or both parties must be present to deposit it.

I signed over our state refund to my wife, but her bank would not accept it for deposit to her individual account - even though I had signed it. They said I have to be present.

-AD

KaylaAndy, not wanting to let you think that I was ignoring your post, I'll respond briefly...

I am familiar with the works of Stephen Covey. "Your" bible perhaps? A "good book", as is "First Things First," but Georgia Guy is a Christian by his statement, therefore his "book" is the Bible first (or should be).



Let's try another one, "Understand, but don't identify and over empathize." When you surround yourself with "yes men" it may feel good, but be careful because you MIGHT be headed down the wrong "feeling good" path.

This thread has disintegrated (yes, in my humble opinion) to a "divorce supporters" thread. This "saga" has been going on since October and supportive of FGG's "feelings" (which is good up to a point), but has steadfastly supported his "Human" emotional reactions and NOT supported HIS commitment to his marriage vows or the doing of the very hard and difficult things necessary to help a WS end their affair. It's NOT enough to simply demand a habit be stopped, as you should know even from reading those books. You must then replace the "ended habit" with a "new habit" that supports the change that is desired.

Any way you slice it, FGG is a Christian husband with the God-given responsibilities of a husband. That INCLUDES an attitude of being "willing to die for your wife" if that should be needed. It does NOT require performing the role of husband ONLY when you "feel like it" or when things are moving along nicely. It means always. It is part of the Covenant of marriage that he entered into with God and his wife. This is the sort of thing that "...or worse..." covers. NOT that we want want "worse" or that it feels good to endure "worse," but that our own marital commitment STANDS even IF we are faced with the the "worse."

If his wife is open to counseling, to working on the marital problems, no one, at least I hope no one, is telling FGG that he should only do that work IF the affair ends today. (i.e., "don't DO the work until the end result has first been obtained)

FGG did a dismal "Plan A" and has done a dismal "Plan B." Is it any wonder that he's inches away from a divorce that HE is instigating? It may seem easier to run from the problem than it is to face it, especially when everyone is saying "your poor boy...your wife is so unfeeling and so lost in the fog that you can't reach her...so you just go on and do what you want."

FGG has NEVER responded to what "J" was supposed to say to his wife. Has never gotten the church involved. No one, it seems, is concerned about the eternal state of her soul, only with fact that she is sinning and not obeying FGG's demands. The FIRST obedience she "owes" is to God, not FGG. As long as she continues to see her actions as "not sin," perhaps even justifiable as a "mission," she will NOT obey her husband. If someone won't obey God, why should they obey anyone else? We are all, after all, primarily selfish, self-oriented, people who have to learn how to share and to give and to submit our will to God's will. HOW is what FGG has been doing an "example" of Christian obedience to God that could "win over his wife?" It's not (in MY humble opinion). It's an example of the "world's way" of how to handle infidelity. Get a divorce.

Even with God, divorce, though "allowable" for infidelity, is supposed to be the LAST resort for Christians, AFTER exhausting all other possible avenues for reconciliation. FGG has not exhausted them, he has CHOSEN divorce as the "easier" and more "expedient" course so he doesn't have to deal with the emotional pain. It IS his RIGHT, but it doesn't make it "right."

Do I underestimate or not understand the emotional pain and difficulty that FGG is feeling? Possibly, but I can tell you that my wife was "in" much deeper than FGG's wife and I KNOW the pain and difficulty that I've had to deal with. I KNOW the many many times I have had to face the "throw in the towel" sorts of thoughts(including this week, almost 3 years into our recovery) when the "battle" seemed to have no end and the efforts seemed to have little, if any, effect.

Either his wife is a Christian (as she claims) or she is not. If she is, someone working with her about what the Scripture has to say about what she's been doing IS going to have a "convicting" effect. The indwelling Holy Spirit will do what He is supposed to do and convict us of OUR sins so that we will recognize them and repent to God of them.

Y'all keep pushing FGG to do the "worldly thing." That's fine up to a point, but as long as FGG claims to be a Christian, God's position and commands regarding marriage and fellow Christians takes precedence.

NO ONE is saying that dealing with, and recovering from, an affair is easy. It's a lot of things, but "easy" is not one of them. It's gut-wrenchingly hard WORK. It does not become "easier" until both spouses relearn to love each other and to trust each other, to submit their "wants and desires" to God's commands and commit themselves to a posture of servanthood toward each other. When they both reach the point of being concerned about meeting each other's emotional needs BEFORE getting their own needs met, you will have a marriage that "sings" even though it has risen out of the ashes of a prior affair or affairs.

So....I've stated my thoughts and position. No one is "required" to agree with them. As in Matthew 18, I would hope that other Christians surrounding FGG and his wife would "get involved," in love, in an effort to restore her walk and their marriage. I continue to pray for FGG and his wife. I will step back out of the thread and leave him in the tender mercies of everyone else.

FGG, if you have been reading this, I understand the pain and the anquish you are going through and how "nice" it feels when you don't have to think about the state of your marriage or your wife's seeming inability to "get it." It is my prayer that God will raise up some committed Christian who can witness to your wife and help her to see her disobedience to God, and help her to be convicted and repent before it's "too late." It is my prayer that God will sustain you with His love and presence as you are in this "valley."

God bless.

Good Morning to all (including Mimi)-

I don't have much time to post right now, maybe more later.

WW didn't return my phone message or e-mail, so I assume she has filed the taxes electronically and I further assume she plans to keep the money. I'm going to send her a certified letter telling her that she will violate the court order if she does so (according to my attorney).

I had a great lunch with #1S/DIL on Sunday, then they came over to the house and stayed most of the afternoon. #1S was telling me that he goes for about 2 weeks without talking to Mom, then he feels guilty about not talking to her so he calls her. Then, he says he gets mad at her as soon as he talks to her and he swears he'll never talk to her again. Then, the cycle repeats itself.

I've got an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the attorney to go over the court order (from her petition) and some miscellaneous stuff.

I've got to go...a meeting coming up in 4 minutes.

Georgia

Wow...I was just reading some of the thread that has turned into a theological treatise. Very interesting.

I'm not about to wade into the Kayla, FH, & others debate. However, let me share a few things I've learned about ME through this ordeal.

I've been a member (previously) of a very, very conservative church. I'm an ordained deacon and have served a chairman of the deacons. I would like to think that we were(are) theologically right-on. Maybe yes, maybe no.

But...this church I'm now attending (different, less dogmatic denomiation) has caused me to stop and think about A LOT of things.

Some minor examples: I heard my new pastor say that the church is like a hospital for sinners. Is that correct? Is so....is former pastor right in giving WW the boot from church even IF she refuses to "repent"?

Friday I am taking the day off from work to help with the semi-annual yard sale held at my new church. All money is used for local ministry opportunities. The last yard sale netted over $10K. My former church would consider a church yard sale as near blasphemous. Which church is correct?

My former church would hold absolutely no activities that was not directly "church" related. However, my new church is actively seeking to establish themselves as a "focal point" of a very properous and growing community allowing the facilities to be use for civic evnents and such. Their rationale is that all these are avenues that bring people to the church that might otherwise never come, and there are in fact members who were introduced through these activities. Which church is right?

Maybe you can see where I'm going on this. I've been an avid supporter of the former churches philosophies, but now I'm beginning to suspect a little bit of legalism may be involved there. Perhaps there is some old testament vs. new testament; law vs. grace type of thinking that I'm having to work through for myself. I'm enjoying C.S. Lewis' thoughts along these lines.

I know that what I'm doing (filing for a divorce) is controversial. There will be opinions that I am right, I am wrong, I'm going about it too fast, I should have done it long ago, etc. In the end, it is my decision and I'll have to answer to God for my actions.

Let me say that I value the input of each of you, even those who may have some measure of disagreement with the way I am handling things.

You are all appreciated.

Georgia

WGG,

It is my belief that we're all on a spiritual journey of sorts; but each journey is individual, Christian, Jewish, etc - the same, yet different.

We are also all students and teachers of each other; but it is the student who chooses who their teachers are.

It is pointless for the teacher to teach an unwilling student. It is truly the students choice of whether or not to learn, and from whom.

That's the beauty of this forum. People sharing their experiences, and those of us who find our "teachers" learn, and ifthey're not our teachers, we pick another thread until we find our teacher. And on it goes!!

I believe we find our spiritual teachers much in the same way.

You sound very peaceful today!

FGG,

I don't have much to add - just stopping in.

You could probably guess my POV on church issues from some of the things I have written.

A drop of Grace covers an ocean of Law.

-AD

Hi Georgia:

I'm not sure that I would have liked the OLD GEORGIA that went to your previous church!

Conservative, I am not.....

I'm glad that you are the new you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well....let me say this.

I am still theologically conservative, but less dogmatic.

The theology that I still hold to would be in disagreement with many posters here, and I know that. Without going into too many details, let me just say that I do believe the Bible to be literally true.

However, I am finding that I'm really ready to be a lot more forgiving and accepting of folks shortcomings than maybe I would have been at one time.

Perhaps this is self-serving on my part?

Georgia

Okay, Mimi...

I've avoided asking this question of you for obvious reasons. Folks here will probably hate me for asking it, but I'm going to ask anyway.

Several times recently you've made passing comments that H (no longer FWH, remember?) doesn't like you posting here.

The first question is...why? what is it about this site he doesn't like?

The second question is ... how do you justify continuing on here if your H has indicated his displeasure in what you are doing?

Georgia

BTW - I may disappear for a while. I'm trying to take the next 3 days off (vacation). I'm staying in town, so I may take some opportunities to post at the library and such.

Georgia:

You are getting a little snippy with me aren't you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

To be honest, I'm not sure if it is particularly this site that he doesn't like. He hasn't really said that. He clearly does not like for me to be on the computer and when I am on the computer I usually come to this site. It's not being kept secret from him. He stands there and sees me begin to read and post.

He clearly wants my almost undivided attention. Remember we had this discussion earlier. I raised this concern with Steve Harley and Steve seemed to feel that my H's desires for my Attention were normal and reasonable. H wants me to be with him. I mean really with him when he is at home. He wants me to do the computer stuff when he is not around and he knows that means MBers. Does that make sense?

BTW, I also have a snippy question to ask you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> If you are so theologically conservative, how do you explain getting a divorce?

So right back at you......

Snippy, eh?? Are we having a fight?

Okay, I'm joking with you now, sorry. Yes, the explanation you give satisfies my concerns. I can understand (and I remember) that H wants you all the time. I was concerned that it may be your MB interactions that H was addressing, and I think (IMO) that could be viewed differently. In that case, there may be (again, IMO) some need to be more attentive to H's desires in that area.

Okay....so you're challenging me, huh?

More to come, I'm going to post this real quick.

EDIT - Okay, you ask a really good question.

If I am conservative, how do I justify the divorce?

I have to consider if adultery is only (in Biblical terms) sexual in nature. I believe that WW has committed Biblical adultery (even though not by the laws of GA)multiple times in her desire for another man.

Also, I do believe she has willing chosen NOT to honor her marital vows, and I don't think she is going to choose to do otherwise.

Add to that the fact that I do very much believe that OM will be living in OUR house soon, at my expense, under the current arrangements. Remember, this isn't like when you WH left home and you continued. I have left our cozy home, she is living there alone, at my expense, with a burning desire for OM to be there with her.

Last, but not least, I don't think I can go on with her the way things were going any longer. I truly think she was on the verge of driving me crazy, and I think she was enjoying and gloating over every minute of it.

So....I don't know if this makes the case in your eyes or not, but that is where I am.

However, I appreciate the challenge and you not just being a "YES WOMAN". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

From another theologically conservative to you....I really do understand how hard it is....no comments or anything other than a....

((((((((((Formerly G.G.))))))))))

Okay....I couldn't resist just one comment....No, not self-serving at all....just a mirror of Christ.

God bless.

Happy Birthday GG. Will be thinking of you, but I will be working in the field with no access to internet, so I have to say it today.

hugs

Hi to all...

I've just stopped by the library for a few minutes to check in some DVD's and check out some more. Thank you, cc, for the early birthday greetings. I appreciate it.

Last night I saw a house in my neighborhood that was for sale that caught my interest. It had one of those boxes out front with an info sheet. So, I stopped and walked over and saw a purse laying in the street. I stopped and picked it up. It still had a young ladies GA drivers' license, Waffle House employee badge, and some make-up. I called her and told her I had her purse. Earlier in the evening someone broke into her car and stole her purse, apparently threw it out after taking her money and credit cards. So she & BF came over last night and got it back.

I met with my attorney yesterday. He is sending WW's attorney a letter stating that income tax refund is to be put into escrow at her office until the settlement. He said that will freeze those assets.

I will be working at the church on the yard sale all day tomorrow, and going to upstate SC on Saturday. I'll try to stop by and post if I get a chance.

HI MIMI.....

(I've got to be careful..don't want to offend HER HIGHNESS).

Georgia

Goog to hear from you GG. I missed your "good morning"!

Hi Georgia:

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I'm thankful you were born! I really appreciate the help and support you have provided. Also, the community that you have created HERE is wonderful.

Talk to you soon.

I'll add my birthday greetings to the list. May your coming year be happier than the last - and may new surprises of the best kind be around every turn of your path.

-AD