Good Morning to all -

I'm sitting here trying to think of what to say, but there's not a whole lot to say at this point. My thoughts are permeated by the fact that in 6 days I will be divorced. I still have an 8 X 10 of my wife sitting on my desk, and another photo of all 6 of us together when we went on a family vacation several years ago. It just seems so strange.....

I've always kind of had a way of staying busy to distract myself when under stress. I know that's what I'm doing right now, but it doesn't mask the whole situation very well.

I've been reading a few of the threads from some of the newcomers here. It is truly amazing to see the same pattern being repeated over and over, like the script that we've talked about in the past. One common theme that I see a lot is how the WS attempts to shift blame over to the BS, and the anger that the WS will display towards the BS for their failures. Obviously a coping mechanism, but it seems so universal and shallow. But (speaking from experience) it hurts so much when the one you've loved and trusted seems to be a mission to assure you are reminded of any fault you may have ever had, even if it has to go back decades.

I think the sooner a BS can realize what is happening, and the sooner the line is drawn in the sand, the better the BS can fare with the whole mess.

I contacted my HR representative yesterday and started the process of inquiring about all the paperwork I will need to submit to change my status to "divorced". Also, I've asked about health care options for WW. The rep I need to talk to is out until Monday, but she may be eligible or COBRA coverage temporarily.

I wonder if it has really hit home with her yet that she is about to be without health insurance. And I wonder if she realizes that her cushy lifestyle is about to collapse all around her. What kind of plans / thoughts are she and OM having? I'm sure they have both realized that one impediment to their union is about to be removed. I would be really, really concerned if I were OMW.

Does he really have a huge account of money stashed away somewhere, and if so, will he fund WW's existence? I would not think so, since his lazy butt sits at home while his wife works in a coffee shop.

Oh well....

There Mimi...am I telling you enough about how I am feeling today?

Georgia

Oh, Georgia...

I wish I had some comforting words...

To be honest, if I were you, I would have one last conversation with her before the BIG DAY...

I would take care in what I had to say... I would make it like a GOODBYE to someone who is dying...making my amends, talking about the good and the bad...saying whatever YOU feel YOU need to say for CLOSURE... not doing this for a particular response from her.. to be able to look into her eyes to get some closure....then I would walk away and be finished...ready to go on with my life..knowing that I did everything humanly possible....

THAT ONE LAST GOODBYE...

Today...I would take down the picture...I might even burn it...

I don't know if this fits with any MB Principles...

This is what I THINK I would honestly do in your situation....

GRIEF WORK.....

Thanks, Mimi..

I have thought about writing her a good-bye letter and expressing all of my thoughts in it. I wish I could calmly sit down with her for a final conversation, but I don't think I could do it. I honestly don't think I could get one word out without just falling apart.

The picture is such a great one. Several years ago, for a birthday present, I gave her a trip to the "Richard Petty Driving Experience". The picture is her, in her drivers' jumpsuit, standing next to the racecar that she lapped Atlanta Motor Speedway in (5 laps) at 164 MPH. She looks so beautiful and happy (and dare I say sexy?).

I will remove it before I leave today, but I don't think I can burn it.

My realtor is sending me a letter today with her estimate of the current resale value of the house and stating that she currently has 3 clients who would be interested in that house, along with her opinion that she could have a contract on the house witin 30 days.

I have really kind of expected her to show up at the house one more time. I would talk to her if she did, but if she still has her R with OM, I wouldn't change my course of action.

Georgia

I think you can do it!

Prepare something to read to her...IN PERSON....

I'm editing this to read, I KNOW you can do it...if you choose to do so...

Why are you waiting for HER to show up? Why not be proactive if you want to see her and talk to her? This is your only life. The choices that you make are yours and only yours....

I think it is time to let the OMW know the D is impending. She has the right to know, and prepare, in case the love birds have made plans. One last communication with her, and to let her know youir new number in case she has anything to share with you..or wants to just talk (obviously her WH isn't talking with her much, doesn't have time).

She has been living with her head in the sand for so long, not DREAMING that any of this is REALLY happening to her.

She will be faced with the stark realities, and hte more that comes down on her head at one time, the better.

Have you called the minister of her church to let him know the final outcome?
Time to let extended family members know too. The more you let people know what's happening now, the fewer questions and explanations you have to make later...better to get it all out in the open now...

I know you have not wanted to call the OMW during this time, but I think it is VERY important now. It is VERY likely OM is not telling her anything, and if htere is a possibility he is going to leave her, she deserves SOME warning...

I am getting ready to leave and I wanted to say thanks again to all of you for you support and input.

I called our church today and left a message for the pastor to call, but he did not return my call. I will probably talk to him Monday.

I will also try to get in touch with OMW before Wednesday as I do think it important that she know that her WH is soon to be carrying on with a divorced woman.

And...I remain unsure about what to do regarding contacting WW. I will decide and do what I have to do.

I will be out all next week. I will attempt to find a computer (maybe at the library) and e-mail an update sometime Wednesday or Thursday.

Those of you who are Christians, I ask you to pray for both me and my wife as 2:00 PM next Wednesday is looking very ominous the closer it gets.

HAVE A GOOD WEEK, MIMI....

Georgia

Wll be praying for you all week. Take care.

GG,

Prayers for you and your wife...

Thanks cc & CSue.

Georgia

Hi GG,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and wish you strength for the upcoming week. You are a fine example of humanity and your sons can consider themselves lucky to share your genes.

Take care.

Will be praying for you tomorrow. Nothing much I can say will make it any easier. Big hug. cc <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Good afternoon, folks....

I'm at the library near my house. I wanted to give you all a brief update.

I met with the attorney Monday and made all final arrangements for the divorce. Yesterday afternoon at 4:45 he called to tell me that WW's attorney called the judge yesterday afternoon and told her (the judge) that she was not ready for court and asked for an extension. Both attorneys & the judge had a conf call at 4:15 and the judge has extended the hearing date to Sept 14.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a lot like a basket case. I think this was a very cruel thing to do that is for no reason other than to extend by another 6 weeks her cushy lifestyle at my expense when WW and OM continue their romance. I am CLOSE to being angry.....

In other news....

I visited my CASA kids Sunday afternoon. That went very well.

Mrs. Reese will be coming home either this Friday or next Monday. She will have someone staying at home with her to care for her. I visited her Sunday afternoon as well, she was doing very good and was mentally sharp.

I'm working diligently on the pond project. It is 14'X 17' and looking really good. I will be filling it with water either tonight or tomorrow. I'll attach pictures later.

Thanks to you all for your prayers. In spite of the mental whiplash, I am enjoying a week of getting my hands dirty and playing in the mud.

Work has not called me EVEN ONE TIME. Perhaps they have discovered they can do without me. (I knew that all along). It has been great.

Jeb says HI.....

GOOD AFTERNOON MIMI.....

Georgia

Great to hear from you!

I'm not sure about WW's reason for the extension...Are you sure your thought here is correct?



You know yourself this is MAJOR..... She is likely to extend as long as possible...for many different reasons...

Later...

Hi Georgia,

Glad to hear from you so soon. I guess our prayers had SOME effect <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />although maybe not the expected one.

I was so busy today I wasn't able to even check my e mail so I've only just read your post.

As usual I can't give any advice. But I don't see this as a bad thing... You can't control it anyway. The ball is now in her court.

Glad the patio is coming along. You must take pictures.

What else can I say? I know.

Georgia,

Sorry about the whiplash. Maybe this should have been expected. Who had to agree to this? The judge only, or if your lawyer said "lets go ahead", would that make any dif? What can you do to make her a bit less comfortable? Can you stop paying some bills - maybe have the power disconnected? Seriously, how long can she keep dragging this out, and what are your options?

I'm just curious.

I'm impressed by your backyard projects. You continue to inspire.

-AD

All you can do, in my state at least, when things are dragged out repeatedly, is to claim that she has intentionally contributed to the "length and delay" of the process.

GC

You'll be in my prayers...hang in there.
SAR2

Good Morning to all –

As I posted on my stop by Wednesday, the divorce did not take place on Wednesday afternoon as scheduled. It is now scheduled for September 14. This has been very trying for me, as you might imagine. I’m not sure if this was in fact due to an inept attorney (hers) or some kind of stall tactic from WW. For it to all get down to 4:15 the day before and then the attorney decide she’s just not ready seems a bit “suspicious” to me. I paid her (accidentally) $2,500 to represent WW, she deserves better representation than that (okay, I’m being sarcastic). The lawyer told the judge it was her (the attorney) who was asking for the delay, not her client. I guess I may never know the truth. (I don’t believe a word WW’s attorney says). However, I am told that 6 months is the maximum that either side can postpone the final date for ANY reason, unless one side requests a jury trial. That would put the final date no later than late September. And, AD, there is nothing I can do as far as stopping the payment of bills, etc. Each and every bill I pay is by the court order when she filed for "separate maintenance" in March.

WW has somehow gotten my personal cell phone number and taken to what I will refer to as “harassing” phone calls. On Wednesday morning at 2:00 AM my personal cell phone rang with the display showing a call from “PRIVATE”, meaning the caller ID was blocked. On Wednesday afternoon at 2:00 PM, the same thing. At 2:05 PM, the same thing on my company cell phone When I answer, she just hangs up. It is important to note that our court appearance was set for 2:00 PM.

Then, Sunday morning at 3:00 AM my work cell rang, same thing. I just got back in bed and another ring at 3:15 AM.

I don’t know what she thinks she’s doing, or the purpose of such childish behavior.

I do think I understand this about WW. If the status quo could be maintained, she would be quite content. In other words, if she didn't have to face being divorced, losing her house, having to get a full time job, etc....then all would be well with her. I think the more reality sets in, the more uncomfortable she will become. I don't know what she will resort to as the pressure builds, but I still don't think suicide is out of the question. Or, she may decide (as she has told me so many times) her happiness is in Vancouver and she may decide to go there.

This morning I checked my personal YAHOO e-mail account and WW is up to her old tricks. My password had been changed, so I had to reset the password.

Friday afternoon I had an appointment with my IC. I was on the way when #1DIL called and told me that she had just talked to #1S while he was still at work. She said he was very upset and crying, and DIL was, too, upset and didn’t know what to do. She said WW called S at work and went on & on about how none of this has anything to do with OM, that she has been victimized by Dad (me), etc, etc. DIL said that S is so upset because he doesn’t understand a thing that his Mom says and he thinks she’s crazy. He is afraid she’s always going to be like this and he’s totally lost his relationship with his Mom. She said he asked her why she just doesn’t give up her R with OM so we can start to heal the family and she says this has nothing to do with OM. She also said that her IC understands her and knows that none of this is her fault.

DIL said she was going to talk with S Friday night and see if he would agree to accompany me to see my IC. She said she would let me know, but I’ve heard nothing from her so far. I did see them Saturday at my Mom’s 80th birthday lunch at my uncles house, but I didn’t bring up the subject.

They declined my invitation to lunch Sunday. #2S/DIL were celebrating their 1 year anniversary Sunday and they weren’t in town.

I talked to my friend “P” Sunday afternoon. He says that they haven’t seen WW in SS in a couple of months, but they see her in church sometime. He told me that several of the people in my SS class have asked about me and somehow word is getting out about what is going on. I am thinking about writing a letter to the class for P to read thanking everyone for their prayers and letting them all know that I am doing okay. It is hard for me to express (Mimi – this is for you) how much I miss them all. I really didn’t know how close I was to the people in that class, but I miss them so much. If WW left the church completely, I would consider going back.

The church I currently attend doesn’t have Sunday (or Wednesday) night services during the summer. I was really, really wanting to go to church Sunday night so I went to a church about 4 blocks from home. I really enjoyed it, it is the same denomination that I have formerly been and it was nice to hear the hymns that I am so accustomed to. The sermon was good as well, Romans 6:1-6. Nice historic sanctuary too, which is a nice touch (late 1800’s).

I came back home and went over to visit with Mrs. Reese for a while. She came home Friday, 2 previous attempts to visit had been unsuccessful as she was in bed once and out having her hair done once. Anyway, she wasn’t feeling too good and thinks she may need to go back to the nursing home. She is finding it much harder to get around home than she thought is would be due to the carpet in her home. Again, she asked me what I thought she should do. And, again, I dodged the question by telling her that she and her children needed to make that decision together.

I talked to her daughter last Sunday afternoon and I really got an ear full of her discontent. Seems as though she and the 2 brothers don’t get along with each other AT ALL. She really unloaded on me about how her Mom raised her to be her slave and she is very demanding and everything falls on her, etc. I just listened. I think that is so sad, the brothers and sister all live right here in the same city and they are all at odds with one another. I suppose there is nothing I can do but listen.

I stayed quite busy all week with my pond project. It has worked out very well, I am quite pleased with it. I’ve got a couple of small leaks to fix around the waterfall so I’ve only got the fountain running right now, not the whole thing. I may work on it tonight and try to fix the leaks so I can get the whole thing going. I went down to the canal Saturday evening and gathered an abundance of Water Hyacinth’s and put them into the pond. I’ve also put in 15 small fishes (2 were doing the backstroke this morning).

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/mb_georgiaguy/album?.dir=/99a9

Jeb loves the pond, but so far he has resisted the temptation to make it a pool.

I am going to go ahead and plan to take another week off the week of September 14. I deal with stress by staying busy. I will use that week to add the deck between the pond and the house. I plan a small bridge over the stream to the deck.

If this wasn’t all happening to me, I wouldn’t believe this could be someone’s actual life. It’s like a soap opera.

I hope all has been well with you all this week, and I really have missed you all.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI……(Is all well with H, OS, YS, etc?).

Georgia

Hi Georgia!

I was looking at the pictures of your fabulous pond this morning and my boss walked in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I have to look at them again now I'm home.

I'm sorry your life has become so complicated. Your WW is really something! She's not following the script!
I really know that feeling of surrealism, of "how could this be happening".

Lately I've had it too. I don't really understand how I got here. In my case, WH seems to have made a life for himself completely excluding us except for paying our bills and "dating" his daughters every now and then, always when it's convenient for him. He still leads that secret life pretending he's alone. How sad that is


Anyway, I guess I am fortunate that I feel strong, but maybe not strong enough yet to face him. I've been thinking of getting a divorce once my year of plan B is over. I can't imagine any other ending and I won't keep this sick situation forever. I'm still his wife, whether he likes it or not. He may have the rings (I don't know why he took them) but I have the documents safely secured.

All this is soooo weird alhough maybe it won't seem that strange when we re read it in a few years.

Anyway, I love your pond. Having water near is always very important. I live just a few blocks from the sea, and even if I don't go by there everyday, I can smell it. That's so important <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I miss it when I'm away.

Anyway, I have a few busy days coming up. To start with I am attending a GIS course, very interesting. Then it's dd3's birthday on wednesday and I promised to make at least 2 cakes. She convinced WH to buy the rest. I also have to visit the dentist, do grocery shopping, and all the other stuff!

It's nice to be busy.

FGG:

You may not realize this, but I keep reading your posts, even though I don't post myself all that much.

You know? If you and GC and I got 2gether on a week off - 2ls and all - we could build us a TOWN! I'm certain of it!

I think your W is following the WS script still, though she's "behind schedule" on a lot of things. She may stay that way (Like Spacecase's xW has, unfathomably), but she may not. I'm wondering if the hangup calls might have been sincere attempts 2 talk 2 you, but she got scared and hung up. And I would bet that the delay of the DV date WAS by her request, through her lawyer. Why would the lawyer delay for her own reasons (unless she's incompetent and really wasn't ready)?

Great pond! Did you leave the water at least 24 hours before putting the fish in? I know LA puts a lot of chlorine in the water. If I dump fish in a tank right after filling it, they'll be backstrokers themselves in an hour or less. ...but they'll be fine once the chlorine escapes. ...gee, Pond Builders!

-ol' 2long