Well...she has called my personal cell phone and left me a voice mail.

Do I listen to it?

I would LISTEN but NOT NECESSARILY RESPOND....

Knowledge is Power....

Okay, I've listened.

She said she had some questions about the settlement that she wanted to ask me, to please call her so we could discuss it.

Should I call her, or just e-mail?

Do I listen to it?

Depends, Are you in the mood for pain today?

Actually, Mimi is probably right, but I hate for you to have continued contact. It does not help your emotional health at all.

You are feeling ????? today.

SS

Personally, I think it would be best if she would just e-mail me her questions so I could respond that way.

It does indeed inflict pain when I talk to her, and sometimes results in further anger (which I don't want).

E-Mail now that you've listened to the message and know what it's all about.

It's a bait to engage in further conversation....

GG,

I can see in your w, some of the same things I saw in mine.

The day the D was final, she said "I regret this divorce". She didn't say "I regret all the things I did which led to this divorce." That's a huge difference. I think your situation is far more intense than mine - and your wife is deeper in the fog than mine, and I still D'd my wife - who I dearly love still, as I know you love yours.

I think you have to stay on track here, and I see the strength in you to do just that. I know that when your STBXW is in need, her sons will be there to help her. She's not being thrown to the wolves.

-AD

Yes, email her, and ask her to email you.

This solves two problems...

Lets you read what you want, when you want...and if you don't want to read the babble, you can skip it.

It also allows you to keep a record of her insane babble...there might me a time she could read it again and realize how insane it was.

I'm back from lunch. I think I am going to follow Mimi's advice, and take it a step further and say that I want any questions and / or negotiations to be sent via e-mail.

For not only the obvious reasons, but I want to be able to think clearly during this and I don't want to be trying to navigate through the fog, decipher babble, keep my emotions in check, and negotiate this settlement all at the same time and in real time.

As far as her future care. IF, and that is a big IF, she will manage her life right, she will be financially okay. She will have enough cash to buy herself a decent house. Coupled with her pay and the alimony, she should certainly have enough to pay her actual living expenses.


Georgia

Okay, I've sent her the following e-mail:

"I'velistened to your message. I agree that we need to reach a settlement before next Friday.

I want to handle this via e-mail. Please e-mail me your questions and I will try to respond as quickly as possible.

I have clarified some of the COBRA issues with our Human Resources department. Under COBRA, you can continue your coverage EXACTLY as it is right now. It is the same insurance card, same doctors, and same benefits. It’s even the same policy number and there is absolutely no change in the coverage you would have now. Of course, any current treatment would continue uninterrupted. This is $301 a month for medical only, $330 for medical and dental.

Please copy any e-mail response to my YAHOO address, as I may reply when I’m not at work.

Georgia"

Also, I've called my attorneys office and the assistant is checking with my attorney to see what we need to do if we do reach an agreement.

Sounds great...

G,
You are so logical, and easy to work with. I wish she was.

I am still afraid she and or her lawyer will stall and eat up your time and money. I hope not, but if there is no agreement by your court date, I would encourage your lawyer to play hard ball. Think on your response should that happen.

SS

Morning folks -

It's a beautiful, cool day in Georgia. I'm taking the day off to work on the deck / bridge. I've stopped by the library to see if I have an e-mail from WW.

Nothing.

GOOD MORNING MIMI....

Georgia

Have a fun day and a great weekend...

It's nice and COOL here, too....

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Nope, still no e-mail from WW.

The bridge is finished. It was a wonderful day.

Tomorrow is our neighborhood association cook-out. I've been asked to be one of the official "grillers". Should be a fun day and an opportunity to meet some other neighbors.

Have a good weekend, all.

Georgia

Have a GREAT day! And now you have your answer, she didn't want reconciliation or an easy D, she wanted to negotiate her way back to more of the same. I am sorry.

It looks like court...

Had a nasty thought, just in case WW and her lawyer take your "Only contact me thorugh email" as a means NOT to negotiate the D, you can tell the judge that every phone conversation and face to face with her include some aspect of trying to talk you into allowing hte OM back in her life while staying M, and you couldn't take it. Also, she was going back on some of the things she had said before, so you wanted to hammer things out via email and could go back to what was written and come up with a plan...

Me again, folks....

Still nothing from WW, I stopped by the library to check e-mail. Perhaps she has an appt with her attorney to ask for input.

The cookout today has been a lot of fun. We've had probably 75 people from the neighborhood. The brother of one of the association members is a local DJ so he came and has provided music all day. Lots of Electric Slide (I only tried once, made a complete fool of myself).

Have a good weekend all...

HELLO MIMI...

Georgia

Good Morning to all -

Well, still no e-mail this morning. I really did believe that she wanted to get this thing resolved before court on Friday. Perhaps I was wrong. My appointment with my attorney is Wednesday morning at 9:00. He said that if we had agreed on something by that time to bring it with me. It's looking like that might not happen.

I called both of the boys Saturday and talked to them a bit. I invited them over for lunch Sunday but #1S had already invited some friends to their house Sunday afternoon. However, he asked if he and DIL could come over for dinner tonight! Needless to say, I'm excited.

#2S/DIL came to the house for lunch yesterday. It was really nice, they stayed for much of the afternoon and we had some very pleasant conversation. There was absolutely no mention of WW or any of that, which was really kind of nice. I cooked one of those Stouffer lasagna's, tossed salad, garlic toast. We had a great lunch together.

After they left, I did another CASA visit with the mom of the kids.

It's really amazing the bond that has been established between us 10 that went to the children's home. When we see each other at church we hug each other. We've gotten permission to come back before Christmas and bring gifts and have some sort of a Christmas program with the kids. And...each kid has a "wish list" as well as a list of needs. I've got to get my foot in the door because I know one little 9 y.o. girl who is going to get some Christmas presents this year!

The church is sending a team to a small town in Mississippi the first week of November. I'm haven't decided if I'm going on that one or not.

Our church was designated an emergency relief shelter by the Red Cross. We've had about 15 families living there since Hurricane Rita. They are being moved to a more permanent shelter elsewhere in Georgia and the last family left yesterday. This was a family of 3 (husband, wife, teenage son). At the end of the service yesterday morning, they spoke to the church for a moment expressing their gratitude. Then, the mom sang a song (likely entitled "Falling in Love with Jesus"), accompanied by Dad on the keyboard and son on the drums. It was absolutely beautiful. If it had been on CD, I would have bought a copy. The church responded with a standing ovation and long applause. The associate pastor commented that this family had minister to him more during their stay than he had been able to minister to them. It was very, very moving.

Anyway, it's hard to believe that this is the week that the divorce will be final (I think). It's just such a bizarre thing. I keep wanting to "cushion" WW's fall in some way, but I know that's not possible or even desireable. I'm getting the impression that she has given up on these impromptu appearances at my house, and I think she's probably now resigned herself to the realization that the divorce is imminent.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI....

Georgia

Good Morning back to you, Georgia...

Sounds like you had a BLESSED WEEKEND....

"When the praises go up, the blessings come down...."

Keep looking up, my friend...

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