I just got off the phone with Amy. I told her a little of what is going on and read just a little snippet of some of her past comments.

Amy's opinion is that this could indeed be caused by BPD. However, she said that BPD has currently become one of those "catch-all" diagnoses that people are lumped into when they don't fit anywhere else. She said she would be cautious in finding out how she was diagnosed.

She also suggested that I should ask her to sign a release to talk to her counselor. I should talk one-on-one to her counselor (or whoever diagnosed her) and find out what is REALLY being said, not WW's interpretation of it.

That seems like a reasonable idea to me.

Comments?

Interesting information regarding Bipolar Disorder

I hope her IC has been changing her treatment style since this diagnosis. (Just because she seemed so ineffectual.) Or I hope she was recommended to one who specializes in Bipolar Disorder.

Mimi-
from my experience, BPD is difficult to treat and rarely results in someone becoming "normal" again.

being involved with someone with BPD is draining.

Probably not so different than dealing with an alcoholic -- can you really recover?

If it has, in fact, been a couple of months since the diagnosis, one would think that the meds would have taken affect some. She still hasn't acknowledged how wrong her relationship with the OM is and recently still blamed you and said she may get a third OM in future if you couldn't meet her needs. It seems like she would need lots of cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with this illness.

Meanwhile, I don't think that you should have to remain married to her as she continues her relationship with OM. I do understand the 'in sickness and in health' dilemma this puts you in.

I think it would be very good to talk to the DR. who diagnosed her and to understand her treatment plan and prognosis.

I have called and left a message on her cell phone to please call me.

I am going to ask her:

1. When she was diagnosed.
2. How long she has been on medication.
3. If she will sign a release for me to talk to her Dr/IC.

Georgia

Good plan.

Praying for you...

Georgia,
There are lots of us hoping, and praying for you - and for Her.

Please be careful with your heart, it's the only one you've got. I know you understand with your mind that this is chancy, but I bet your heart races whenever it thinks there might be some hope.

Pray always, and be believing, and all things will work together for your good. Just be careful while you are doing it.

SS

Let's think about this mental health issue for a moment. Should FGG put the D on hold because of a diagnosis of mental illness?

Would a diagnosis of depression or adult ADD have the same effect on you? Would it explain away much of the confusion and sympathy you are feeling?

The medications you have said she is taking are the same medicines prescribed for depression and anxiety disorders. It is likely that she is feeling depressed (don't you after all the lawyers, money, loss of friendship, etc...) and, according to the information Trix presented above "It is estimated that only one-third of affected people are accurately diagnosed."

Has her BP II been noticed before by medical doctors? Is it likely it is severe enough to call off the D if it was not noticed before, or has her mild case of BP been made temporarily worse by the situation.

I am in the camp that the words and explanation of this mental illness don't scare me...don't make me feel guilty...my H has been battling, ADD, BP, depression, whatever the Dr. wants to name it...but ultimately, he has control over his life and his choices...

Random thoughts:

she told you she has been diagnosed wtih BPD II. Did she say it as just as a statement. "I have it" or did she say she has it, and she knows that it needs to be treated, and she is going to take whatever steps are necessary to be treated, and to become healthy.
So many posters on this board tell horror stories about spouses who have BPD, take their meds for a few months, and then quit taking them against doctors orders. what do you do with a spouse who knows they are supposed to take the meds, but they refuse, and then get right back into another A? Ugh!

Also, she received the diagnosis months ago. Why is she just now speaking up? I understand it is possilbe that it has taken this long for the meds to "kick in" and perhaps she is just now coming out of the fog...but then again, at this point, she is on the meds, and still talking about OM as if it is perfectly nromal for a maaried woman to carry on a realtionship with SOMEONE ELSES HUSBAND! She even admits that OMW is on AD's. She knows that this poor woman is depressed, is taking AD's for it, and yet she continues to be in contact with her H, and openly talks to you about it. Can't that poor woman (OMW) have any dignity left at all? her H is openly discussing her depression with another mans wife? (can I please have the address to OM's apartment, I want to go beat the crap out of him!)

Also - I am worried that just a couple of weeks ago, as yet another court day was looming close, your WW did not speak up about the diagnosis. why now?

I pray that you will get the chance to speak to her IC.


I do beleive the BPD is a health issue, and needs serious consideration. but I also fear that it may be used as a catch all, when there is no other explanation.

I am going to lunch soon. I will send up prayers for you GG. This is really huge.

Many of us here have thought for a long while that she had some sort of mental illness because her actions and explanations have been a bit more than the usual fog. This really isn't that much of a surprise. She has been extremely irrational in the last several years by FGG's description.

In the site I linked it stated that late onset of Bipolar Disorder in women seems to reach a peak around age 40.

I'm trying not to allow myself to get into the emotional state that I was describing to my friend tdr. It is easy to lose track of right and wrong / normal vs. abnormal.

If WW has been diagnosed for long enough for the meds to have some effect on her, why is she casually telling me all about OM like he is her long lost brother? Why isn't she suddenly saying "oh no...I can't believe what I've been doing"?

Instead, I get the distinct impression that it's like..."oh, I feel much better now. Come on back and we can all be friends."

There's going to have to be some real evidence of change, or at least HOPE of change, to sway my course of action in the next 47 hours.

No calls back from anyone.

Georgia

WOF...she indicated to me that she is seeking necessary treatment for BPD.

Man...this has all the potential to be a sleepless night!! I've got a CASA training seminar (complete with covered dish dinner) @ 5:30. We're being lectured by someone regarding the current fashionable illicit drugs we're likely to come across.

Tomorrow may be a whole different day....

Georgia

Hi, Georgia.

BPD is normally the acronym for Boderline Personality Disorder.

If she has been diagnosed as BP II, then her actions are well within her control. In most circles, even people with BP 1 are expected to exercise responsibility for their actions.

You should not be taken in by any claims that "the devil made me do it".

Furthermore, no reputable PDoc is going to treat bipolar disorder with SSRI's since they are known to potentially induce a manic state in individuals with bipolar disorder. There are many other mood stabilizers that would normally be used, even with someone suffering on the depressive side of the spectrum.

I highly recommend that you Google bipolar disorder and do a bit of research before you get really confused with all this.

If you recall, I was the first person here to tell you that I thought your wife was suffering from bipolar disorder. Regardless, that is not an excuse for her long term choices and actions.

God bless,
Gimble

Gimble:

Sorry that is incorrect.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder are two absolutely different psychiatric diagnoses..

It is crucial not to confuse these disorders.

Borderlines are usually not treatable. Those with Bipolar Disorder definitely are...

Hi, Mimi.

I am not confused.

I understand both conditions well.

Gimble

Georgia:

For me this would be a hard decision...

I am praying for you...

Neither an ADDICTED WS nor a person with Bipolar Disorder is rational..put them both together in one person..WOW!!!

How long have you been separated from her?

Has it been a year yet?

Maybe she has just received this particular diagnosis..

I can't see someone go so far as to makeup BIPOLAR II..maybe just saying BIPOLAR DISORDER...but adding the II takes some knowledge and communication from a psychiatrist...

Hi, Mimi.

Quote:
--------------------------------------------
Neither an ADDICTED WS nor a person with Bipolar Disorder is rational..put them both together in one person..WOW!!!
--------------------------------------------

A person with BP can be perfectly rational, even while being affected by the condition. Irrational behavior is more a function of the amplitude of the disorder.

BP II is the more functional bipolar state, BP I being less functional.

I just want to be sure we are on the same page here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gimble

Thanks for the corrections, Gimble. I went back and edited my posts.

Sorry, Gimble:

I was referring to this...



I will bow out of this...

For some reason, I always tend to feel sorry for Georgia's wife...

I don't know why...

I hate to see them divorce...

It's my problem...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Georgia,

A lot has already been said and you are getting professional opinions which I think is the best way to get the right information to make the decisions you have to make.

Just wanted to tell you that I have a friend, a guy, who suffers from BP disorder. When I met him again after a long period, I think he was in a manic phase but hadn't been diagnosed yet. He was getting a divorce. We worked at thesame place for a while at that point and that's when I thought there was something really wrong with him. Now it's obvious what the problem was. He was fired. It was ugly. I felt very sorry for him.

He finally got help and started on medication, he was depressed for quite a few months. He finally seemed to get better and is actually doing quite well now although he has quit medication. His doctor told him and he told me he nows he might have to take something for his mood his whole life and he's conscious that if he feels the depresion or the manic phase coming on he needs to get help and medication.

It's wonderful taht he now knows what is wrong with him. And it was great to hear him say "I was awful in those days" "the things I did, I can't believe it". So he does realize that his actions were wrong and crazy.

I'm not telling you this so that you consider your wife is sick and she will get over this and go back to being who she was. First I would make sure of the diagnosis.
Second I still think that you have to consider yourself first, at this stage.It's sort of what they tell you to do about the oxygen mask onthe plane when you have dependants. Put it on yourself first and then you can help others.

I feel resentful towards "my friend" about the way he treated me when he was manic and when he was depressed, and I only see him occasionally because he's living abroad now.
Can you imagine how I would feel if we had had a meaningful relationship? I'm not sure I could get over it.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll make the best decision for yourself. You have thought about it for a long time. I trust you.