GG,

If you look back I had predicted that she would use the "crazy card" but I felt at the time you really did not wish to hear it.

I know you spoke to your lawyer and he said it would not have an any bearing on the case but drive home to your lawyer what your WW's lawyer might do and use to get your WW what she wants in the divorce.

I honestly think that you do not believe me but they will pull this out in court. See what the settlement is like. Just because they have it on the table does not mean that they will not pull it. Your WW's lawyer is not above using dirty tricks to win. It might be the only way she can.

As far as the bomb of being bi-polar II well I find it to be very convient to have it come to light now. Speaking as someone who has to deal with a bi-polar/mainic-depressive the description of your WW's actions do not fit. my MIL is one. My H has dealt with her all his life. If your WW was truly this you would know. My MIL is functional but you can see her go through both the manic and depressive stages. Plus add in the narcisit traits and you can see what my H and I deal with.

Yes my MIL is ill and we deal as best we can but it does not mean we leave ourselves open to her problems. Medications are out there for her to use and she refuses to use them. Currently she is banned from our house because of her behavior. H and I both need a feeling of peace. More so me than H. From your description of your WW GG I do not see any of the signs that are so visable in most BP's. I see a very selfish woman who is not getting her way and will use what ever means avaialbe to obtain them.

I think she hates the idea of loosing her house and "status". Plus now she will be forced to get a job which will cut into her OM time.

Mimi -- I think this will come across as being so harsh but I do not mean it as such. Honestly I can see why you want to see GG remain married but GG's WW is not your WH and GG is not you. I think you are clouded by our own wants, desires and beliefs to see the reality of the situation.

I know GG really admires and has a strong desire to please you. If I did not know how strong both of your faiths were I would be tended to think both of you could have an EA type of attachment. Please try and understand that his WW is more than likely not mentally ill but just selfish.

This does it for me.

My prayers will be with you for tomorrow.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

FGG:

I agree with SH and JL (and mimi and others, 2).

Regardless of the "ending" coming soon, your life and the players in it will continue. Things will be different now. The hope is even different.

But it's there, and it will sustain you.

-ol' 2long

That is an incredible idea JL, that there needs to be a D of the old M for there to be anew...for partners to make healthier choices. It would seem FGG has had that time and that burden and our support, he is growing every day. WW has been growing too, out of desperation, she is seeking meds and psychiatric help, something she would have never admitted to before let alone done. But there is plenty more room to grow.

She may get there some day, she may not. but what she has to do to become a better W, a deserving of FGG has very LITTLE to do with staying M, as a matter of fact, staying M seems to have hindered her growth.

(((((Georgia Guy)))))

I cannot disagree with you, as much as the events sadden me. I have said the exact same thing to my wife ("will not") because there can be NO other person other than God in a marriage or it is NOT a marriage.




Georgia Guy, as you know I have said several times before that it IS her faith in Christ that I was concerned about and questioned. I have to agree with SH that her "belief system" is not what is should be for a professed Christian. That still leads me to believe that she is either deeply backslidden and in the grasp of sin, or more likely only claimed to be a Christian as long as it "suited her." If the second scenario is the truth, then you have the added right of letting an "unbelieving spouse" go when they choose to leave.

She HAS chosen to leave by her steadfast refusal to remain in a committed, monogamous, marriage with you.

Still.....it hurts.....because YOU do love her still. She is NOT "evil incarnate," she is just someone refusing to follow God in humble obedience and who is rejecting your love in favor of her own selfish pursuits. GG, none of us is perfect, but God is. God is, among many things, the God of Peace. That, I believe is what JL was talking about....and why God has given "marital unfaithfulness" as grounds for divorce...to PROTECT the believing, faithful, spouse.

Praying for you to feel God's presence and comfort during this very difficult time. Perhaps God will use this time to finally break through her resistance and reach her.

God bless.

All -

WW called and left a message on my cell. She said that her attorney was supposed to send my attorney a fax. She would like to know if he got it and if I've been contacted. End of message.

I thank you all for your concerns and prayers. The last time we got this close I felt sick and had a hard time sleeping, but I feel at peace right now.

I will try to let you all know how things go tomorrow as soon as I can.

Thank you all for caring enough to be there with me through this, even if you were just reading and following along.

Georgia

Feels us all with you tomorrow!

Absolutely, cc46, Georgia should know he will be able to feel all of us holding his hand and with him in spirit, Christians and non-Christians alike.

We all care about him a great deal.

Not breaking the PRAYER LINE...Keeping it STRONG and INTACT...

Whispering over in the corner to MoiNouvelle:
I just want you to know that I don't feel like you were coming across as harsh...you were helpful to me...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thinking of you today FGG.

Good Morning friends..

I just left the attorneys' office and stopped by the library.

The offer was for alimony for 15 years, I pay her COBRA premiums, and my life insurance stays in effect with her as beneficiary.

I'm not going to bore you all with the details, but we've prepared what we think to be a reasonable response when we go to court.

More importantly...

I spent about 1/2 hour on the phone with a doctor from the medical college. He said that my description of her actions don't sound like BP driven actions, even though that may exacerbate her problems. He said it sounded more like an addiction to him. Also, he said that BP patients are more prone to addictions, but not the actual cause of the addiction.

His opinion is that unless she is willing to sit down and write out a committement to her marriage and what is / is not acceptable actions with her husband, she is not likely to end this activity even with good medical care for BP.

He said the fact this has occurred 2X makes him much more pessimistic about her future.

#2S called this morning and left a message that he is praying for me. We had dinner last night (after church) and he has, I think, come to the realization that I am pretty much painted into a corner with Mom's actions.

I am feeling confidant today that I am doing the right thing (not just rationalizing).

Thank you all for caring.

Georgia

We're still here, FGG. Take care on this fateful day.

-ol' 2long

What you described pretty much describes my H to a "T", hence my reference to the love addiction...the romance addiction.

As Cerri has written many times, A's bring about very REAL chemical highs in our brains...endorphins, dopamine, etc., and some folks have learned to cope with life by calling up these chemicals to help themselves feel better...there are a variety of ways to call these up...for your WW it has been the constant conversation with OM. The thrill of it, the attention, the excitement of someone new. He draws up these brain chemicals in ways you once did, but after years of M, she was no longer able to get that high again from M (and htat is a good thing...who wants to live on the edge in their M, what stress).

She is under a great deal of stress and probably has been dipping in the OM pool quite a bit, I wouldn't be surprised if she is seeking out another OM too...OM#2 may be losing his ability to give her that high...

You moving out was not enough for her to stop or see the problem...she will have to reach bottom before she will stop...she may never get there (especially if you are paying alimony) or she may be close...who knows when...
But I pray that she is able to realize what is happening someday before she is gone...and can make apologies and amends to the people around her...

Still praying for you.When you can give us an update.

FGG - I'm thinking about you. I hope you felt the MB presence today....

Kim

At least the road we travel is not a new one.

We are not commanded by someone that says "Go thither," but by one that says "Come, follow me." I know you do your best to follow, I believe you will reach his arms someday. May that meeting be sweet.

You are in my prayers. Though some days will surely be bitter, there are sweet ones ahead too. You will live to see them.
God be with you.

SS

Mimi,

I am so glad that I did not offend or hurt your feelings. I have been really worried that I might but felt compeled to write what I did.

I just see a fundamental difference between your H and GG's WW. I honestly do not think she is sorry for any of the OM. I wish she was and I wish no one had to go through affairs but we do/did.

Good Morning all -

I am divorced.

I am at the library and getting ready to post the whole thing shortly.

Stand by...

Georgia

Well, we are divorced. WW cried the whole time and was very emotional. I truly felt sorry for her.

Court lasted about 2 hours, and it was very, very intense. The first thing we talked about was the house as WW wanted to FSBO it. Our agent was there and she came in to testify as to the house's worth and sell-ability. The judge, as well as WW's attorney, told WW that it would be best to list it. She finally agreed after saying "I basically don't have any choice, do I?" So it is going to be listed right after Thanksgiving.

It is very hard to summarize all that went on during court. Of course, her attorney mentioned the "possible" BP thing as an excuse, and her lack of education that will limit her ability to gain meaningful employment.

I was very proud of my attorney. He questioned her about her abilities to use a computer and type while on the internet. She bragged that she can type 90 WPM. He also asked her about her ability to be at work every day. She works 5 days a week (4 hours a day) and has for 11 years. I think he clearly established that is able to get out of bed and go to work IF SHE WANTS TO.

As far as WW's attorney, her role was to tell the judge what an awful husband I have been for 29 years and what a horrible life WW has had. She said that my actions have basically pushed her into relationships with other men because she was so unhappy.

I didn't really care what the attorney said because that's her job. But I had to sit there and listen to my wife, the mother of my children and my lover, tell the judge that I have controlled her and she never got to do anything for herself. Everything she'd ever done was to please me. She felt controlled and manipulated and has never been happy. How even when we first got married and she was taking college courses, I was taking courses as well as she would have to sit in the car and wait on me to get out of class. That was in 1977.

I used to think that WE have had a good marriage, and that WE had been happy. I don't believe that anymore. I think I had a good marriage and I was happy. It is hard to describe how it makes me feel to remember my whole life with my wife and have her tell the court how miserable I have made her. It seems like maybe she should have been the one divorcing me.

In my turn to talk about issues with her, I talked about 2 things. OM#1 and OM#2. I was careful not to criticize anything else about her, simply because there is NOTHING else about her that I can really complain about anyway. However, I was very specific about her actions, some of the things she said, and I told about how her e-mails are on file at our church where OM#1 was taking them when he was trying to get away from her. I held nothing back, but I made sure that everything was related to her actions with OM#1 and OM#2.

WW launched into a defense that I don't think was in her best interest. She told the judge all about how wonderful OM#2 is and how much he has helped her. Then, she started talking about OM#1 and how he had hurt her by lying to her when she was just trying to help him, etc. She had thought she could trust him but he betrayed her. Anyway, I'm not so sure that she won a whole lot of friends by telling the judge all about OM#1 and OM#2. And, of course I got to hear the story about the Thunderbird again.

Anyway, on to the financial stuff.

The judge was very, very patient listening to all of this. Then she said she was ready to rule.

She awarded the following:

Alimony is $1,250 a month for 5 years, then $900 a month for the next 5 years.
I am to pay for the 3 years of COBRA medical insurance (about $350 a month).
I am to keep a $100K life insurance policy in effect for 10 years with her as beneficiary.

Of course, we are splitting 50/50 my 401K and 50/50 the equity in the house.

I think all of this is fair and I can't really complain.

After court I left the courtroom with my attorney and I didn't see her anymore.

I TM'd both boys and told them it was done and to call if they wanted to talk.

#2S called last night and wanted all of the details, so I told him all I could remember. I told him it really hurt me to hear her talking about the kind of husband I had been. He said "Dad, you know that's not true and she doesn't really mean that". I told him that I didn't believe it to be true, but apparently that is what she now believes.

He told me he wanted to know all the details because he knew she would be calling him and he wanted to know if she was lying.

Then he gave me some more bad news. Last night MIL (now XMIL) found out she has lymphoma. She will be going for treatment options this coming Tuesday. That is such a shock, I know this must be devastating to WW coming on the same day of the divorce.

MIL has always been so kind and gracious to me and I love her dearly.

Anyway, here it is. We're divorced. It feels so strange, even after almost a year of separation, it feels strange.

I am taking the day off and doing stuff around the house. I wanted to update you all and thank you again for standing by me.

GOOD MORNING, MIMI…

You kept your promise. Thank you.

Georgia

Good Morning back to you, Georgia:

I guess like I said in another post...

I'VE LEARNED TO BELIEVE THE UNBELIEVABLE...

I feel sad for all of you...

I understand that you did what you HAD TO DO..you had no other choice in this...

Your XW now is soo LOST..

I'm praying that she will repent so that you can meet up again with her someday in GLORY...

I'm praying that you will find happiness in this life...like I have in mine...

PHOENIX RISES.....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />