K,<P>Some time ago you described some of the issues you had to overcome to eliminate some lovebusters and I remember thinking that you sounded quite a lot like me - not only your situation, but your personality.<P>I'd really appreciate some help conquering my lovebusting attitude. If I can't get myself under control I'm not going to be able to keep my marriage together. I'd appreciate it if you could email me please. If not, I certainly understand.<P><BR>InSane<BR><p>[This message has been edited by o2bsane (edited September 24, 1999).]

o2bsane,<P>If you don't have a problem with this, let's keep the discussion on the board.<P>I think that the first item that you should work with is reading about lovebusters in detail: Harley's book "Lovebusters" is an obvious first choice, and Give and Take also haas the information summarized in it (to the best of my recollection).<P>If your wife will participate, you ought to ask her which of these lovebusters upset her the most---this can be done through the "lovebuster questionnaire" on this site (it's also found in those books). If you have a pretty good handle on what you do that upsets her, you're ready to work on the hard part.<P>Elimination... I found that two things helped me tremendously. The first was that I always asked myself "how will my wife feel if I..." before I did or said anything. If I knew it was going to hurt her, or I wasn't sure, then I tried to avoid it. It's the "Rule of Protection". The second thing that was key for me was Steve Harley's help in coaching---he's really very effective.<P>I started to change behaviors that I thought would never change in the matter of a couple weeks---with the right incentive, you'd be surprised how much you can accomplish.<P>Do you have more specific questions on this?? I'll check in later today.

<BR>K-<P>Thanks. I'll get the book(s) and see about setting up an appointment with Dr. Harley.<P>I'd rather not get too specific here. <P>InSane<BR>